Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter: - explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital - say what type of unpaid work you would be able to do - give details of when you would be available for this work
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, In response to a recent advertisement broadcast on television, I would like to offer myself as an enlistee for the unpaid work at your hospital. I consider this a great chance to serve the patients and best utilise my spare time for humanitarian works. I am hoping that you would let me offer my service. My parents are doctors and they devote their professional lives to serve people and society as a whole. I am highly inspired by them and want to do something of my own for people who need care. What can be a better place to assist people than in a hospital? Moreover, I have around two hours to spare each day in the evening and I live nearby. I would like to best use the superfluous hours of my daily routine in philanthropic work. I have previous experiences of doing some voluntary works for our community. I can assist a professional nurse, take care of babies, help patients to move and bring them meals. I am, in reality, ready to learn to do any type of work to help people in this hospital. I can work from 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm every day except on Saturday. Hope you hear your positive response and start my work soon. Yours faithfully, Sara Sandler
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use volunteer terminology Original: offer myself as an enlistee Suggested revision: apply as a volunteer Why it matters: Enlistee usually refers to military service and is unsuitable for hospital volunteering.
- 2. Use natural term Original: the unpaid work Suggested revision: volunteer work Why it matters: Volunteer work is the conventional term for this unpaid role.
- 3. Use uncountable noun Original: humanitarian works Suggested revision: humanitarian work Why it matters: Work is uncountable when it refers generally to an activity.
- 4. Use direct request Original: I am hoping that you would let me offer my service. Suggested revision: I hope you will allow me to volunteer. Why it matters: The present request takes will rather than the hypothetical would form.
- 5. Use gerund after to Original: devote their professional lives to serve Suggested revision: devote their professional lives to serving Why it matters: The preposition to in devote to must be followed by a gerund.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: do something of my own Suggested revision: make a contribution myself Why it matters: The replacement expresses the writer's personal wish to help more naturally.
- 7. Fix rhetorical question Original: What can be a better place Suggested revision: What better place could there be Why it matters: This is the standard word order for the intended rhetorical question.
- 8. Avoid inaccurate wording Original: the superfluous hours of my daily routine Suggested revision: my spare time Why it matters: Superfluous suggests something unnecessary, whereas spare time accurately means available time.
- 9. Use uncountable experience Original: previous experiences Suggested revision: previous experience Why it matters: Experience is uncountable when referring generally to acquired practical knowledge.
- 10. Use uncountable work Original: some voluntary works Suggested revision: voluntary work Why it matters: Work is uncountable in this general sense and does not take some with a plural form.
- 11. Use broader role wording Original: assist a professional nurse Suggested revision: assist nurses Why it matters: The plural form better describes the general kind of support the applicant could provide.
- 12. Use measured wording Original: take care of babies Suggested revision: help care for babies Why it matters: Help care for avoids implying sole clinical responsibility.
Suggested Rewrites
- offer myself as an enlistee apply as a volunteer
- the unpaid work volunteer work
- humanitarian works humanitarian work
- I am hoping that you would let me offer my service. I hope you will allow me to volunteer.
- devote their professional lives to serve devote their professional lives to serving
- do something of my own make a contribution myself
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter addresses all three requirements with convincing motivation, several relevant ways to help, and precise availability, maintaining an appropriately formal purpose. Its strongest feature is the detailed task coverage, while the main limitation is a recurring pattern of unnatural word choice and countability errors, compounded by the lack of clear paragraph breaks. The response would improve most by using simpler, idiomatic wording and grouping each main point in its own paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter fully develops the reasons for volunteering, suitable duties, and detailed availability in a consistently appropriate formal context.
Refine the closing request so that it asks politely and directly about the next stage of the application.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through motivation, experience, duties, and availability, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens the overall organisation.
Divide the body into focused paragraphs matching the three requested points and keep closely related details together.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and ambitious, but recurring unnatural choices such as “enlistee,” “superfluous hours,” and “hear your positive response” reduce precision.
Prefer natural formal wording such as “volunteer,” “spare time,” and “I look forward to your response.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms communicates the message clearly, although countability, complementation, and clause errors occur noticeably.
Correct patterns such as “devote their lives to serving,” “voluntary work,” and “I hope to hear from you.”