You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what experience and special skills you have - explain why you are interested in the job
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have recently noticed a job advertisement in a local newspaper for the sales executive position in the City Museum shop. I would like to apply for the post as a part-time employee during the summer holiday. I am hoping that you would consider my candidacy for the post and give me a chance to discuss it further in a formal interview. I have completed my graduation in accounting and have sound knowledge of customer care. Besides, I have two years of experience as a front desk officer in a telecom company. As I will be free during the summer vacation, I would like to work for your museum shop that primarily sells antique items, books, journals and souvenirs. I am quite confident that I would be a valuable asset to your team. The reason for applying for this position is to work in a post that is equally challenging and rewarding. At the same time, I will be able to meet people from diverse cultures and regions. This would definitely make my holidays meaningful and exciting. I look forward to meeting you soon. Yours faithfully, Shanthy Devi
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. New line after greeting Original: Dear Sir or Madam, I have Suggested revision: Dear Sir or Madam, I have Why it matters: A formal letter should begin the body on a new line.
- 2. Natural application phrase Original: noticed a job advertisement Suggested revision: seen your job advertisement Why it matters: Seen an advertisement is more idiomatic here.
- 3. Avoid invented title Original: sales executive position Suggested revision: shop assistant position Why it matters: The prompt offers work in the museum shop but does not specify an executive role.
- 4. Concise application wording Original: apply for the post as a part-time employee Suggested revision: apply for the part-time post Why it matters: The original is unnecessarily wordy.
- 5. Natural plural Original: during the summer holiday Suggested revision: during the summer holidays Why it matters: The plural is more natural for an extended vacation period.
- 6. Direct formal request Original: I am hoping that you would consider Suggested revision: I hope you will consider Why it matters: Will is more direct and natural for a current application.
- 7. Simplify wording Original: my candidacy for the post Suggested revision: my application Why it matters: Application is the conventional and concise noun here.
- 8. Wrong collocation Original: completed my graduation in accounting Suggested revision: graduated with a degree in accounting Why it matters: Completed my graduation is not idiomatic English.
- 9. Show relevant skill Original: sound knowledge of customer care Suggested revision: strong customer-service and communication skills Why it matters: The revision identifies skills directly relevant to shop work.
- 10. Natural job title Original: front desk officer Suggested revision: front-desk receptionist Why it matters: Receptionist is the more familiar job title in this context.
- 11. Avoid unsupported detail Original: primarily sells antique items Suggested revision: sells books, souvenirs, and other museum-related items Why it matters: The prompt does not establish that the shop primarily sells antiques.
- 12. Add evidence Original: valuable asset to your team Suggested revision: able to serve visitors efficiently and courteously Why it matters: A concrete contribution is stronger than a general claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- Dear Sir or Madam, I have Dear Sir or Madam, I have
- noticed a job advertisement seen your job advertisement
- sales executive position shop assistant position
- apply for the post as a part-time employee apply for the part-time post
- during the summer holiday during the summer holidays
- I am hoping that you would consider I hope you will consider
Why this response received Band 7.0
The application clearly states its purpose, presents relevant customer-facing experience, and explains genuine interest in the museum-shop role in an appropriately formal tone. The main weakness is that the special skills are asserted rather than demonstrated, and some qualifications and job terms are imprecise. Add concrete examples of customer service, sales, cash handling, or language skills and use more natural application vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All bullet points are addressed and the application purpose is clear, but the experience and special-skills section needs more specific evidence.
Give one concrete example of a relevant responsibility or achievement and identify at least one specific transferable skill.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from application purpose to qualifications, motivation, and closing, though the one-block presentation weakens visual organisation.
Divide the letter into short formal paragraphs that align with the three bullet points.
Lexical Resource
The range is strong enough for the task and the tone is formal, but several collocations are unnatural or imprecise, including sales executive, completed my graduation, and sound knowledge of customer care.
Use standard employment phrases such as sales assistant, graduated in, customer-service skills, and interview.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with good control; remaining issues concern article choice, conditional form, and some awkward noun phrases.
Check articles and use direct present or present-perfect forms when describing current qualifications and availability.