You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: - explain why you took the job - describe the problems that you experienced - suggest what could be done about them
Sample Response
Dear Mr Lechner, I have been working as a part-time fitness instructor at your gym for the last four months. I am gratified to be offered the job, not only because I need to earn some extra money to cover my living expenses but also because I want to enhance my experience in fitness training. Unfortunately, some impediments in the job force me to ask for your intervention. People often need help from instructors in using the gym equipment. However, it seems that other trainers are reluctant in offering assistance to club members. I offer as much as I can, but this means I am constantly in demand and therefore, working harder than anyone else in the gym. This situation seems rather unfair. While I realise that members receive initial gym instruction, I feel that they also need ongoing help with the equipment. Could I suggest that a letter is sent to trainers promoting this? After all, the personal attention of this kind makes people feel valued and may result in increased membership. Yours faithfully, Donald Green
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural gratitude Original: gratified to be offered the job Suggested revision: grateful to have been offered the job Why it matters: Grateful is the natural adjective for appreciation.
- 2. Work collocation Original: enhance my experience Suggested revision: gain experience Why it matters: People gain experience rather than enhance it in this context.
- 3. Plain workplace language Original: some impediments in the job Suggested revision: some problems at work Why it matters: Impediments in the job is unnecessarily formal and unnatural.
- 4. Present-perfect result Original: force me to ask Suggested revision: have prompted me to ask Why it matters: The present perfect links the continuing problems to the request.
- 5. Correct preposition Original: reluctant in offering assistance Suggested revision: reluctant to offer assistance Why it matters: Reluctant takes a to-infinitive.
- 6. Consistent setting Original: club members Suggested revision: gym members Why it matters: This keeps the setting terminology consistent.
- 7. Clarify object Original: I offer as much as I can Suggested revision: I offer as much help as I can Why it matters: The noun help makes the meaning complete.
- 8. Parallel verb form Original: and therefore, working harder Suggested revision: and am therefore working harder Why it matters: The subject needs a coordinated finite verb, and the comma is unnecessary.
- 9. Precise instruction Original: initial gym instruction Suggested revision: an initial equipment induction Why it matters: This describes the introductory safety guidance more precisely.
- 10. Direct request Original: Could I suggest that Suggested revision: Could you arrange for Why it matters: A direct but polite managerial request is clearer.
- 11. Practical action Original: a letter is sent to trainers Suggested revision: a reminder be sent to all trainers Why it matters: Reminder states the purpose of the communication.
- 12. Clarify reference Original: promoting this Suggested revision: reminding them of this responsibility Why it matters: The original pronoun is vague and promoting is the wrong verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- gratified to be offered the job grateful to have been offered the job
- enhance my experience gain experience
- some impediments in the job some problems at work
- force me to ask have prompted me to ask
- reluctant in offering assistance reluctant to offer assistance
- club members gym members
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter fully explains why the writer took the job, identifies an unfair workload caused by unhelpful colleagues, and proposes a practical management response in a consistently professional tone. Its main limitation is occasional unnatural formality and a slightly vague final request. Improve precision by naming the trainers' shared responsibility directly and using more idiomatic workplace expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The task is addressed with relevant ideas, though development and precision are uneven.
Develop each main point with a specific explanation or consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is generally organized, though some progression and paragraph focus need improvement.
Give each paragraph one clear controlling purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but inaccurate collocations and word choices recur.
Prefer precise, natural topic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear overall, but recurring sentence-level errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause structure.