A friend of yours is thinking about applying for the same course that you did at university. He/She has asked for your advice about studying this subject. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: - give details of the course you took at the university - explain why you recommend the university - give some advice about how to apply
Sample Response
Dear Victor, Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. I sure also would like to thank you for trusting me with such an important matter. So, here is what I've to say in response to your queries about the Pharmacy course at Monash University. I understand that you also want to pursue a bachelor degree in Pharmacy from Monash University which I attended. By the way, pharmacy is not an easy subject since it involves very complex techniques and skills of preparing and dispensing medicines or drugs, and thus saving human life also. Students attending pharmacy degrees will learn how different types of drugs affect the human body and mind and how they interact when mixed together.
Of course, the good thing is that the university, you're choosing, has some of the best pharmacy syllabuses, faculty members and laboratory facilities to teach you just what you need to succeed. So, just visit the university website at www.monash.edu to learn more about how to apply online, or just call the admission officer to ask him or her to send you the admission form and other necessary papers in the mail, if you want to proceed further. Take care. See you soon. Warm wishes,
Mitchel
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the subject Original: Hope this letter Suggested revision: I hope this letter Why it matters: A complete independent clause needs the subject I.
- 2. Use natural expression Original: health and spirit Suggested revision: health and spirits Why it matters: Good health and spirits is the conventional expression in this greeting.
- 3. Fix adverb order Original: I sure also would like Suggested revision: I would also like Why it matters: This places the auxiliary and adverb in standard order and removes the misplaced sure.
- 4. Avoid awkward contraction Original: what I've to say Suggested revision: what I have to say Why it matters: The contraction I've is not normally used when have expresses obligation.
- 5. Use lower case Original: the Pharmacy course Suggested revision: the pharmacy course Why it matters: A field of study is not capitalised here because it is not part of an official course title.
- 6. Use possessive form Original: a bachelor degree Suggested revision: a bachelor's degree Why it matters: The standard noun phrase is bachelor's degree.
- 7. Fix university phrase Original: from Monash University which I attended Suggested revision: at Monash University, where I studied Why it matters: Students pursue degrees at a university, and where correctly refers to the institution.
- 8. Use relevant transition Original: By the way Suggested revision: As you know Why it matters: The original conversational aside weakens the logical transition into course details.
- 9. Remove vague intensifier Original: very complex techniques Suggested revision: complex techniques Why it matters: Very adds little precision to an already strong adjective.
- 10. Fix noun pattern Original: skills of preparing Suggested revision: skills involved in preparing Why it matters: This construction correctly connects skills with the activities that require them.
- 11. Fix number and order Original: saving human life also Suggested revision: also helping to save lives Why it matters: The plural lives and earlier placement of also create a natural parallel phrase.
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: Students attending pharmacy degrees Suggested revision: Students studying for pharmacy degrees Why it matters: Students study for a degree rather than attend a degree.
Suggested Rewrites
- Hope this letter I hope this letter
- health and spirit health and spirits
- I sure also would like I would also like
- what I've to say what I have to say
- the Pharmacy course the pharmacy course
- a bachelor degree a bachelor's degree
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter gives friendly, relevant advice and addresses the course, the university's strengths, and practical ways to apply. Its main limitation is that several awkward constructions and punctuation choices reduce fluency, while the course description remains somewhat general. Prioritise more natural sentence structures and add specific details about the programme, such as its duration or key modules, to make the advice more convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response maintains an appropriate friendly purpose and covers all three bullet points with relevant supporting detail.
Give more concrete course details, such as its duration, assessment methods, or particular modules, rather than focusing mainly on pharmacy in general.
Coherence and Cohesion
The advice follows a clear sequence and the main points are easy to follow, despite some overlong sentences and broad paragraphing.
Give each bullet point its own focused paragraph and shorten the final application sentence to improve readability.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, but several collocations, including bachelor degree and pharmacy syllabuses, are not fully natural.
Use more idiomatic academic phrasing, such as bachelor's degree, pharmacy curriculum, and in good health and spirits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The letter uses a useful range of structures, but recurring problems with sentence openings, contractions, articles, and commas reduce accuracy.
Revise awkward forms such as I've to say and remove unnecessary commas around defining clauses to produce cleaner sentences.