You have been living in a rented apartment for the last two years. Your rental agreement will expire in two months, but you want to extend it for another two years. Write a letter to the agency. In your letter: - introduce yourself - say why you want to extend the contract - mention what changes you would recommend in the contract
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Andy Fowler, and I live in an apartment in the south block of the Stavrolia Apartment complex, operated by your agency. And the reason, for which, I am writing this letter to you is that I want to renew the rental agreement for another two years since my current lease agreement is about to expire in the next couple of months.
I have been living in this apartment complex for the last two years, and my entire family have enjoyed living here since the day we arrived here because it is a nice neighbourhood. But, the main reason, for which, I want to renew my rental agreement is that a major highway has recently been built, close to this apartment complex, which cuts my commuting time to work to almost half.
By the way, I would also like to include a new term in the contract which should say that I will not be using the laundry facility of this apartment complex since I have got my own laundry machine now. So please deduct this service cost from my monthly charges.
I would like to request that please renew my lease agreement for another two years with the new term in it at your earliest convenience.
Yours faithfully,
Andy Fowler
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Simplify opening clause Original: And the reason, for which, I am writing this letter to you is that Suggested revision: I am writing because Why it matters: The original clause has unnecessary punctuation and an awkward relative construction.
- 2. Avoid repetition Original: current lease agreement Suggested revision: current lease Why it matters: 'Lease' already denotes the agreement, so the extra noun is unnecessary.
- 3. Use exact timeframe Original: about to expire in the next couple of months Suggested revision: due to expire in two months Why it matters: The task provides an exact timeframe, which is clearer than the approximate phrase.
- 4. Fix agreement Original: entire family have enjoyed Suggested revision: entire family has enjoyed Why it matters: The singular collective noun 'family' takes a singular verb in this construction.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: since the day we arrived here Suggested revision: since we arrived Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning without repeating the location.
- 6. Use formal adjective Original: nice neighbourhood Suggested revision: pleasant neighbourhood Why it matters: 'Pleasant' is more precise and appropriately formal for a letter to an agency.
- 7. Use formal transition Original: But, Suggested revision: However, Why it matters: The transition more clearly signals the shift to the principal reason.
- 8. Remove stray commas Original: the main reason, for which, Suggested revision: the main reason Why it matters: The commas and relative phrase incorrectly interrupt the noun clause.
- 9. Remove stray comma Original: built, close to Suggested revision: built close to Why it matters: No comma should separate the verb phrase from its location complement.
- 10. Correct collocation Original: cuts my commuting time to work to almost half Suggested revision: has almost halved my commuting time to work Why it matters: The original phrase uses an unnatural construction for describing a reduction in time.
- 11. Use formal linker Original: By the way, Suggested revision: In addition, Why it matters: This linker introduces the requested contract change more formally and logically.
- 12. Use standard term Original: laundry machine Suggested revision: washing machine Why it matters: 'Washing machine' is the standard English term for this appliance.
Suggested Rewrites
- And the reason, for which, I am writing this letter to you is that I am writing because
- current lease agreement current lease
- about to expire in the next couple of months due to expire in two months
- entire family have enjoyed entire family has enjoyed
- since the day we arrived here since we arrived
- nice neighbourhood pleasant neighbourhood
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter has a clear formal purpose and covers the introduction, reasons for renewal, and requested contract change with relevant supporting detail. Its main limitation is recurrent awkwardness in sentence construction and linking, especially unnecessary commas and informal connectors that interrupt an otherwise logical progression. The highest priority is to simplify the long sentences and use more natural formal transitions and request structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response fully addresses all three bullet points, maintains an appropriate formal tone, and explains both the renewal request and proposed contract change clearly.
Clarify whether the laundry charge is a separately itemised contractual fee so the requested amendment is completely precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged in purposeful paragraphs with clear overall progression, although connectors such as "And," "But," and "By the way" are sometimes awkward or informal.
Link paragraphs with concise formal transitions and avoid starting key sentences with conversational coordinating expressions.
Lexical Resource
The letter uses a sufficient range of topic-appropriate vocabulary, including "renew the rental agreement," "commuting time," and "monthly charges," despite some repetition and awkward choices.
Use more natural terms such as "washing machine" and "laundry-service fee" while reducing repeated references to the apartment complex and agreement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences, but recurring misplaced commas, awkward relative clauses, and unnatural request structures reduce grammatical control.
Remove unnecessary commas and recast sentences such as "I would like to request that please renew" as "I would be grateful if you could renew".
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