You were hurt in a minor accident inside a supermarket, and you wish to complain to the supermarket. Write a letter to the manager of the supermarket. In your letter: - say who you are - give details about the accident - suggest how the supermarket could prevent similar accidents
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, Two days ago I went to your supermall to do some shopping and got injured in a minor accident. I am writing to inform you how this accident took place and what you can do to prevent such accidents in the future. I am hoping that you would take steps so that no other shopper fall victim to similar incidents. I am Shahin Shah and I live a few blocks away from your supermall. I have been a loyal customer of your business for more than 4 years. In relation to the specifics of the event, I went to your store to buy some fresh vegetables and fruits on 27th September at around 7:30 pm. Just after I took a shopping cart, a woman with her groceries collided with me. I cannot say that it was entirely her fault as she was over 70 years old and sufficient light was not present at that corner of the mall. In addition, the floor was slippery. So, this unavoidable accident occurred as the lack of attention by your management. Though this was a minor accident, it could have been worse! Hundreds of people, including children and senior citizens go shopping at your mall every day. It is your responsibility to maintain this place to avoid such a mishap. Please arrange more electric bulbs at that corner of your shop and dry the wet floor immediately to avoid unexpected accidents. I hope you will give immediate attention to this matter. Yours faithfully, Shahin Shah
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix verb agreement Original: no other shopper fall Suggested revision: no other shopper falls Why it matters: The singular subject shopper requires the third-person singular verb falls.
- 2. Fix cause phrase Original: as the lack of attention Suggested revision: because of insufficient attention Why it matters: Because of correctly introduces the noun phrase giving the cause.
- 3. Close inserted phrase Original: including children and senior citizens go shopping Suggested revision: including children and senior citizens, go shopping Why it matters: A comma is needed after the inserted including phrase.
- 4. Use standard term Original: went to your supermall Suggested revision: went to your supermarket Why it matters: Supermarket is the standard term used in the task and is more natural here.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: I am hoping that Suggested revision: I hope that Why it matters: The simple present is more direct and natural in a formal complaint.
- 6. Spell out number Original: for more than 4 years Suggested revision: for more than four years Why it matters: Spelling out a small number gives the formal letter a more polished style.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: fresh vegetables and fruits Suggested revision: fresh fruit and vegetables Why it matters: Fruit is normally uncountable when referring generally to produce.
- 8. Clarify sequence Original: Just after I took a shopping cart Suggested revision: Just after I collected a shopping cart Why it matters: Collected expresses the action more precisely while preserving the event sequence.
- 9. Add letter paragraphs Suggested revision: Separate the purpose, accident details, requested safety measures, and closing into clear paragraphs. Why it matters: The single block makes the letter's stages harder to follow.
- 10. Specify the injury Suggested revision: Add one brief factual detail about the injury you sustained after the collision. Why it matters: A concrete injury detail would make the account of being hurt more complete.
Suggested Rewrites
- no other shopper fall no other shopper falls
- as the lack of attention because of insufficient attention
- including children and senior citizens go shopping including children and senior citizens, go shopping
- went to your supermall went to your supermarket
- I am hoping that I hope that
- for more than 4 years for more than four years
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter fully addresses the complaint, clearly explains the incident, and gives practical prevention measures in a suitably formal tone. Its main limitation is presentation and language control: the single-block format weakens readability, while several awkward phrases and grammatical slips reduce precision. Divide the response into purposeful paragraphs and revise collocations and sentence structures for greater naturalness and accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter clearly establishes its purpose, covers all three bullet points, and develops the accident and proposed remedies with relevant detail.
Refine the explanation of responsibility so that describing the accident as both unavoidable and caused by management does not create a slight inconsistency.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a logical sequence and linking is generally clear, but presenting the entire letter as one paragraph substantially weakens organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for the purpose and identity, the accident details, and the requested preventive action.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-appropriate vocabulary, though several choices such as 'supermall', 'electric bulbs', and 'occurred as the lack of attention' sound awkward or imprecise.
Choose more natural formal collocations, such as 'supermarket', 'improve the lighting', and 'resulted from inadequate maintenance'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the message clearly, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, and sentence construction reduce accuracy.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and dependent structures, correcting forms such as 'no other shopper falls' and 'occurred because of management's lack of attention'.