The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Sample Response
The diagrams illustrate how West Park Secondary School has developed during the period of 60 years since it was first built in 1950. Overall, the school area has been expanded and a car parking area consumed a great deal of space over time while the farmland was converted into a small sports field.
Initially, in 1950, West Park Secondary School's ground area consisted of a school building and a playground behind it. 3 blocks of houses and farmland occupied the rest of the area. 30 years later, the residential place was replaced by a car park and science block which was located next to the main building of the school. Meanwhile, the farmland was converted to a sports field. In the year 2010, the car park increased in size which now occupied the area where the sports field used to be in 1980. As a result, the playground area was reduced by a third to make room for the sports field.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make the time phrase concise Original: during the period of 60 years Suggested revision: over the 60-year period Why it matters: A compound adjective gives a more concise and natural time expression.
- 2. Describe the change accurately Original: school area has been expanded Suggested revision: school facilities were expanded Why it matters: The site's outer area did not expand; its facilities and land use changed.
- 3. Use the map label Original: a car parking area Suggested revision: the car park Why it matters: Use the concise label shown on the maps.
- 4. Use neutral map language Original: consumed a great deal of space Suggested revision: occupied a much larger area Why it matters: This is more objective and appropriate for describing a site plan.
- 5. Use a natural site phrase Original: ground area consisted of Suggested revision: site contained Why it matters: This is a clearer and more natural way to introduce the original layout.
- 6. Count the houses accurately Original: 3 blocks of houses Suggested revision: Three houses Why it matters: The 1950 map shows three individual houses, not three blocks.
- 7. Name the feature precisely Original: residential place Suggested revision: houses Why it matters: Refer directly to the houses shown on the 1950 map.
- 8. Add the article Original: a car park and science block Suggested revision: a car park and a science block Why it matters: Both singular countable nouns require an article.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: In the year 2010, the car park increased in size which now occupied the area where the sports field used to be in 1980. Suggested revision: By 2010, the car park had expanded across most of the former sports field, while a smaller sports field had been relocated onto part of the former playground. Why it matters: The original implies that the sports field disappeared, but the map shows it was reduced and moved onto part of the playground.
- 10. Highlight continuity Suggested revision: Mention that the original school building remained in place while the science block was added beside it. Why it matters: This important contrast between a retained feature and a new facility would make the overview more complete.
Suggested Rewrites
- during the period of 60 years over the 60-year period
- school area has been expanded school facilities were expanded
- a car parking area the car park
- consumed a great deal of space occupied a much larger area
- ground area consisted of site contained
- 3 blocks of houses Three houses
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report gives a strong overview and accurately traces the school's development across all three years, selecting the main additions, removals, and reductions. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise or awkward phrasing, particularly around the expansion of the car park and the relative-clause structure; prioritise using exact spatial terms and checking tense and clause attachment while preserving the effective chronological organisation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview highlights the major transformation, and the report accurately covers the houses, farmland, science block, car park, sports field, and reduced playground.
Refine the spatial description by stating that the enlarged car park occupied most of the former sports field while a smaller sports field replaced part of the playground.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from the overview through 1950, 1980, and 2010, with effective chronological linking and appropriate paragraphing.
Maintain this sequence while making the final two changes a slightly clearer paired comparison between the car park, sports field, and playground.
Lexical Resource
A good range of development and location vocabulary describes the maps clearly, though phrases such as "residential place" and "car parking area consumed" are imprecise.
Prefer exact map language such as "housing," "car park," "expanded into," and "occupied."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and passive structures are generally well controlled, with occasional tense and relative-clause problems that do not impede meaning.
Revise the 2010 sentence so the enlarged car park is the clear subject and the relative clause attaches unambiguously to it.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.