The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates how West Park Secondary School has transformed over a period of 60 years since its establishment in 1950. Overall, it can be seen that the school had undergone some significant changes throughout the period with the expansion of the school building, as well as the addition of a sports field and car park. As the diagram shows, in 1950, the school had one building just right next to some houses. There was also a playground immediately behind the school and farmland located south-west to it. After 30 years, the houses were demolished to build a car park. Moreover, the building was expanded into two parts, one called science block and the other was used as the main building. Another noteworthy change that happened was the conversion of farmland to the sports field. Looking at the school in 2010, the only marked change that occurred was the extension of the car park that occupied almost half of the total area of the school. As a result, the size of the sports field and the playground had to be shrunken to make way for the enlargement of the car park.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use simple past Original: had undergone Suggested revision: underwent Why it matters: The simple past is appropriate for completed changes across the stated historical period.
- 2. Link overview clearly Original: throughout the period with Suggested revision: over the period, including Why it matters: This wording introduces the listed major changes more clearly.
- 3. Describe position precisely Original: one building just right next to Suggested revision: a school building immediately to the right of Why it matters: The map places the school directly to the right of the houses in 1950.
- 4. Correct position phrase Original: south-west to it Suggested revision: southwest of it Why it matters: The preposition “of” is required when expressing relative position.
- 5. State exact year Original: After 30 years Suggested revision: By 1980 Why it matters: Naming the mapped year makes the chronology more direct.
- 6. Correct conversion phrase Original: conversion of farmland to the sports field Suggested revision: conversion of the farmland into a sports field Why it matters: “Conversion of X into Y” is the correct structure, and the new field is introduced with an indefinite article.
- 7. Use concise time link Original: Looking at the school in 2010 Suggested revision: By 2010 Why it matters: A concise time marker maintains the chronological progression.
- 8. Avoid excluding changes Original: only marked change Suggested revision: most prominent change Why it matters: The 2010 map also shows reductions in both the sports field and playground.
- 9. Use natural passive Original: had to be shrunken Suggested revision: were reduced Why it matters: “Were reduced” is the natural passive form for the smaller areas shown on the map.
- 10. Use neutral map verb Original: has transformed Suggested revision: changed Why it matters: “Changed” is a more neutral verb for describing a sequence of site plans.
- 11. State date range directly Original: over a period of 60 years since its establishment in 1950 Suggested revision: between 1950 and 2010 Why it matters: The explicit date range is more concise and connects directly to the three maps.
- 12. Remove vague modifier Original: some significant changes Suggested revision: significant changes Why it matters: “Some” weakens an otherwise clear overview of major changes.
Suggested Rewrites
- had undergone underwent
- throughout the period with over the period, including
- one building just right next to a school building immediately to the right of
- south-west to it southwest of it
- After 30 years By 1980
- conversion of farmland to the sports field conversion of the farmland into a sports field
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the major stages accurately and presents the site’s development in a clear chronological sequence, supported by flexible language. Its main limitation is precision: the science block is described as part of an expanded school building rather than as development on the former housing area, while some grammatical and collocational slips reduce polish. Clarify spatial relationships directly from each map and use consistently natural forms when describing change.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview and chronological details cover the main changes accurately, though the relationship between the former houses and the new science block is not stated precisely.
Describe the science block as replacing part of the housing area and distinguish clearly between additions, unchanged features, and reduced spaces.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows the three dates in a clear, logical sequence, but the single-paragraph presentation makes the overview and details less distinct.
Separate the overview from the chronological detail and use one detail paragraph for 1950–1980 and another for 1980–2010.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for spatial and structural change is varied and generally precise, with occasional awkward choices such as “south-west to it” and “had to be shrunken.”
Prefer natural map-report phrases such as “to the south-west,” “was reduced in size,” and “was converted into.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally good control, although tense, article, and complement errors occur in several sentences.
Maintain consistent past-tense narration and revise forms such as “next to,” “a science block,” and “were reduced” for greater accuracy.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.