Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?
Sample Response
Differences among nations are becoming less perceptible these days as people all over the world are sharing the same lifestyle, technology, fashion, foods, advertisements, and entertainment programmes. As a result, cultural identity and traditions are in peril. The following essay advocates that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits of this trend. The first benefit of this trend is that international brands can produce goods on a mass scale, and the manufacturing cost becomes cheaper. As a result, consumers enjoy the advantage of buying products from global brands at an affordable price. Secondly, people all over the world share the same culinary experience, and that is why they have more food options than ever before. For example, people around the globe can now purchase food based on their preference, whether it is Chinese, Indian or Western food or brands. Furthermore, this trend reduces the cultural barrier and brings people under a common platform where people will have more knowledge and respect about other nations and their customs. On the contrary, the globalisation of the fashion, entertainment and culinary industries have some severe negative sides. First, many people abandon their cultural values due to this, which hurts the identity of a country. Besides, foreign television shows have negative influences on young people. Many global TV channels, for example, show programmes that are sensitive to other cultures. However, as these shows are easily accessible nowadays, many young people follow them, and as a consequence, adopt a non-acceptable lifestyle and life choices. In conclusion, the globalisation of fashion, advertising, culinary and entertainment products have both advantages and disadvantages. But, carefully considering both, I strongly feel that it has more negative effects than positive aspects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Keep list nouns parallel Original: the same lifestyle, technology, fashion, foods, advertisements, and entertainment programmes Suggested revision: the same lifestyles, technologies, fashions, foods, advertisements, and entertainment programmes Why it matters: Plural nouns make the general categories in the list grammatically parallel.
- 2. Use plural identities Original: identity Suggested revision: identities Why it matters: The discussion concerns multiple nations, so identities is the clearer plural form.
- 3. Use argument reporting verb Original: The following essay advocates that Suggested revision: This essay argues that Why it matters: An essay argues a position; advocate does not take a that-clause in this structure.
- 4. Describe costs correctly Original: the manufacturing cost becomes cheaper Suggested revision: manufacturing costs decrease Why it matters: Costs decrease or become lower; they do not become cheaper.
- 5. Use direct consumer verb Original: enjoy the advantage of buying Suggested revision: can buy Why it matters: The modal verb expresses the benefit more directly.
- 6. Match plural products Original: at an affordable price Suggested revision: at affordable prices Why it matters: The plural products call for the plural count noun prices in this general statement.
- 7. Clarify shared food access Original: share the same culinary experience Suggested revision: have access to the same culinary experiences Why it matters: The replacement states naturally that people can experience similar cuisines.
- 8. Use concise result link Original: and that is why they have Suggested revision: and therefore have Why it matters: Therefore connects the shared experience to the increased options more concisely.
- 9. Use plural barriers Original: reduces the cultural barrier Suggested revision: reduces cultural barriers Why it matters: The general reference concerns multiple barriers and does not require the definite article.
- 10. Correct platform collocation Original: brings people under a common platform Suggested revision: brings people together on a common platform Why it matters: People come together on a platform rather than under it.
- 11. Use correct prepositions Original: more knowledge and respect about Suggested revision: greater knowledge of and respect for Why it matters: Knowledge takes of, respect takes for, and greater is the natural comparative modifier.
- 12. Use appropriate transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: However Why it matters: The paragraph shifts to disadvantages rather than directly contradicting a preceding claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- the same lifestyle, technology, fashion, foods, advertisements, and entertainment programmes the same lifestyles, technologies, fashions, foods, advertisements, and entertainment programmes
- identity identities
- The following essay advocates that This essay argues that
- the manufacturing cost becomes cheaper manufacturing costs decrease
- enjoy the advantage of buying can buy
- at an affordable price at affordable prices
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response establishes a clear judgment and presents several relevant benefits and drawbacks of global cultural convergence, with effective vocabulary for the topic. Its principal weakness is that the disadvantages supporting the final position are less fully explained and the whole essay is presented as one paragraph; the highest priority is to organise the discussion into distinct paragraphs and develop why the stated cultural harms outweigh the benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the outweigh question clearly and discusses both sides, although the disadvantages central to its position receive limited development.
Explain the scale or consequences of cultural loss in greater depth so the final judgment is fully demonstrated rather than mainly asserted.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a sensible sequence and uses clear signposting, but the absence of paragraph breaks obscures the major stages of the discussion.
Create separate paragraphs for the benefits, disadvantages, and conclusion, and reduce reliance on formulaic transition phrases.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but several imprecise or unnatural choices weaken clarity, including wording about sensitive programmes and non-acceptable lifestyles.
Choose exact collocations and verify that key adjectives express the intended meaning, especially when describing cultural effects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is used with generally good control, despite occasional agreement, article, and punctuation errors.
Check subject-verb agreement in long noun phrases and avoid unnecessary commas after coordinating conjunctions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.