Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?
Sample Response
Many aspects of culture and people's lifestyles are becoming increasingly similar throughout the world. Although this trend has some benefits, I would agree that the disadvantages are more noteworthy. On the one hand, the global reach of fashion brands, similar eating habits and similar traditions of people have some major benefits. For instance, Starbucks, the renowned coffee chain, has grown from a single outlet in Seattle to as many as 30,000 shops in around sixty countries. Nearly identical stores serve cups of coffee to hundreds and thousands of customers, no matter whether you are sipping it in New York, London, New Delhi, Melbourne or Istanbul. Thus the global business opportunity enables many brands to sell products all around the world. As a result, people can enjoy fashion, food and other aspects of diverse nationalities staying at home country. A stronger bond could be observed among people no matter where they live as a consequence of their similar lifestyle. Thus the differences among nations are reducing and this is quite helpful in maintaining world peace. On the other hand, this trend has some striking disadvantages that we should be cautious about. Firstly, the spread of cross-cultural materialistic lifestyles and attitudes makes us less human and more selfish. For example, the role of TV advertisements by global brands, in most cases, is related to the concept of materialism. We are affected by terminal materialism that forces us to buy things for the sake of buying, instead of buying for basic needs. Secondly, with the aggressive spread of market economies and communication technology, local cultures and values are in peril. The true identity and culture are in jeopardy with the influence of alien cultures and the new generation cares less about their history and tradition. In conclusion, it seems to me that the drawbacks of globalisation and the similar lifestyle of people due to the similar culture in the world far outweigh the few advantages it has.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise comparison Original: noteworthy Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: Significant more clearly indicates that the disadvantages carry greater weight.
- 2. Use natural noun phrase Original: similar traditions of people Suggested revision: shared traditions Why it matters: Shared traditions expresses the intended commonality naturally and concisely.
- 3. Punctuate transition Original: Thus the global Suggested revision: Thus, the global Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory conjunctive adverb.
- 4. Avoid wordiness Original: all around the world Suggested revision: worldwide Why it matters: Worldwide conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 5. Clarify cultural reference Original: aspects of diverse nationalities Suggested revision: products from diverse cultures Why it matters: Nationalities are groups of people, so they cannot themselves have the consumer aspects described here.
- 6. Fix prepositional phrase Original: staying at home country Suggested revision: while staying in their home country Why it matters: The phrase requires in, a possessive determiner, and a conjunction linking it to the main clause.
- 7. Use direct construction Original: A stronger bond could be observed Suggested revision: A stronger bond can develop Why it matters: The active construction states the possible social result more naturally.
- 8. Use plural noun Original: lifestyle Suggested revision: lifestyles Why it matters: The plural refers appropriately to the lifestyles of multiple people.
- 9. Use intransitive verb Original: reducing Suggested revision: diminishing Why it matters: Reduce is normally transitive here, while diminish can describe the differences becoming smaller.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: this is quite helpful in maintaining Suggested revision: this can help maintain Why it matters: The modal construction is more direct and appropriately cautious.
- 11. Choose precise adjective Original: striking Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Serious describes the importance of the disadvantages more precisely.
- 12. Use fitting collocation Original: cautious Suggested revision: concerned Why it matters: Concerned about is the natural collocation for recognizing significant drawbacks.
Suggested Rewrites
- noteworthy significant
- similar traditions of people shared traditions
- Thus the global Thus, the global
- all around the world worldwide
- aspects of diverse nationalities products from diverse cultures
- staying at home country while staying in their home country
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear view that cultural homogenisation brings some commercial and social benefits but greater harms through materialism and loss of local identity. Its main ideas are relevant, yet several claims—especially the link to world peace—are asserted rather than demonstrated, and the single-block presentation weakens organisation. The priority is to develop one credible benefit and two well-supported disadvantages in separate paragraphs with more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and maintains a clear comparative position, but some benefits are loosely supported and the world-peace claim is overextended.
Explain a concrete consumer or cross-cultural benefit, then show explicitly why cultural loss and materialism have greater consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The advantages-to-disadvantages progression is recognisable and logically signposted, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph seriously weakens organisation.
Use separate introduction, advantage, disadvantage, and conclusion paragraphs, each centred on one stage of the comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is a sufficient range for globalisation and culture, though inaccurate combinations such as 'terminal materialism,' 'staying at home country,' and 'differences are reducing' limit precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'excessive materialism,' 'without leaving their home country,' and 'differences between nations are diminishing.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used and meaning remains clear, but errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, pronoun reference, and clause phrasing recur.
Check reference and sentence construction carefully, for example 'People can enjoy products from other cultures without leaving their home country.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.