It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.
Sample Response
The media is about communication and I suppose most of us would agree that, as human beings we need to communicate. We need to know what is going on in the world generally; we want to be entertained and to keep in touch with people. Older media, such as newspapers, radio and TV help us do this, but the newer media, particularly the internet and mobile phones go further. We have more choice in terms of what we watch or who we talk to. I have an iPhone which allows me - just by using one device - to make phone calls, use the internet, listen to music, play games and watch videos. And it's all immediate, and portable. It makes you feel in control, but there are disadvantages too. People are always texting and emailing each other and if they don't have their phone or laptop around, they feel cut off. Also, have you seen a group of teenagers in a cafe where they're not talking to each other, but using their phones? It's a very common sight these days, which many people feel is worrying, as we seem to prefer using technology to face-to-face communication. We are also spoilt for choice - perhaps too much choice. There are so many TV channels, but so many of the programmes are poor quality. There's also so much advertising all around us, trying to persuade us to buy things we don't really need. To survive in such a society, you have to be very aware of the power the media can have over you, your actions and your opinions, and try not to let it control your life. To my mind, there's no doubt we live in a media-rich society, and there's nothing we can do about that. What we can do is use the media responsibly and not let it use us.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Close parenthetical phrase Original: as human beings we Suggested revision: as human beings, we Why it matters: A comma is needed after the parenthetical phrase before the main clause continues.
- 2. Close example phrase Original: radio and TV help Suggested revision: radio and TV, help Why it matters: The comma closes the inserted list introduced by “such as.”
- 3. Close inserted example Original: mobile phones go further Suggested revision: mobile phones, go further Why it matters: A comma is required to close the parenthetical examples of newer media.
- 4. Use formal parenthesis Original: allows me - just by using one device - to Suggested revision: allows me, using just one device, to Why it matters: Commas integrate this parenthetical detail more smoothly in formal prose.
- 5. Separate independent clauses Original: each other and if Suggested revision: each other, and if Why it matters: A comma should precede the coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
- 6. Make comparison parallel Original: prefer using technology to face-to-face communication Suggested revision: prefer using technology to communicating face to face Why it matters: The two objects of “prefer” need parallel grammatical forms.
- 7. Add quality preposition Original: are poor quality Suggested revision: are of poor quality Why it matters: The standard construction is “be of poor quality.”
- 8. Use a precise opening Original: The media is about communication Suggested revision: The media facilitate communication Why it matters: The replacement states the relationship between media and communication more precisely.
- 9. Use concise world reference Original: what is going on in the world generally Suggested revision: what is happening in the wider world Why it matters: This phrase is more concise and natural in an academic discussion.
- 10. Clarify vague reference Original: It makes you feel in control Suggested revision: This access can make users feel in control Why it matters: The replacement identifies what creates the feeling and avoids a sudden shift to generic “you.”
- 11. Express excess precisely Original: We are also spoilt for choice - perhaps too much choice Suggested revision: We may also be overwhelmed by the number of choices Why it matters: The replacement conveys the disadvantage without repeating “choice.”
- 12. Use formal concise wording Original: There's also so much advertising all around us Suggested revision: There is also extensive advertising around us Why it matters: The replacement removes conversational phrasing and unnecessary repetition.
Suggested Rewrites
- as human beings we as human beings, we
- radio and TV help radio and TV, help
- mobile phones go further mobile phones, go further
- allows me - just by using one device - to allows me, using just one device, to
- each other and if each other, and if
- prefer using technology to face-to-face communication prefer using technology to communicating face to face
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is fluent and engaging, using varied, specific examples to explain both the convenience and the risks of a media-rich society. Its main weakness is presentation as one continuous paragraph, while some points, particularly media quality and advertising, are introduced more briefly than they are analysed. The highest priority is to organise the argument into focused paragraphs and deepen the explanation of each main effect.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides of the question are addressed with relevant examples and a sensible concluding recommendation, though some disadvantages remain briefly developed.
Explain the consequences of poor-quality content and advertising more fully instead of adding them as short supporting points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically and cohesive devices are generally natural, but the absence of paragraphing obscures the essay's major stages.
Separate the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, natural, and well suited to the topic, with precise expressions for communication, choice, and influence.
Maintain this control while replacing occasional informal conversational phrasing with a consistently academic register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional punctuation and construction lapses that do not impede meaning.
Refine comma placement and parallel phrasing, especially in long sentences and comparisons involving different forms of communication.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.