Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The world of sports is a multimillion dollar industry. Around the globe, people flock to sporting events or watch their favourite teams faithfully each week on television. As a result, professional sports athletes receive huge salaries – well above, for example, those of doctors, lawyers, teachers or social workers. There is some debate about whether such outrageously high salaries are justified.
On the one hand, sport is viewed as a professional career, in which the top players should rightly earn high salaries. Athletes train rigorously from an early age to become peak performers in their field. They face tremendous pressure in each and every game, match or competition. Their personal lives are compromised and they lose all privacy. At the same time, their strong achievements bring honour and attention, not only to themselves, but also to their teams, schools, cities or countries.
On the other hand, various professions contribute to making our world run smoothly. Doctors put in at least ten years of grueling study and internship; their work saves lives. Teachers educate and inspire young people to be responsible citizens: their efforts produce the citizens of tomorrow. Social workers rescue individuals facing physical, mental and psychological challenges: their intervention creates safer societies.
Yet, professionals in the fields above usually struggle to get by, despite their meaningful and critical contribution to the world.
In my view, paying enormous salaries to sportspeople is unnecessary. We need to reconsider our social priorities and eliminate the great disparity in income received by diverse professionals. By doing so, we can build societies in which each one feels valued, appreciated and appropriately compensated for their own vocation or specialization.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: professional sports athletes Suggested revision: professional athletes Why it matters: The word sports is redundant because athletes already identifies the profession.
- 2. Use measured language Original: outrageously Suggested revision: exceptionally Why it matters: Exceptionally conveys the scale in a more appropriately academic tone.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: sport is viewed as a professional career Suggested revision: professional sport is viewed as a career Why it matters: This phrasing distinguishes professional sport from sport in general more naturally.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: strong Suggested revision: outstanding Why it matters: Outstanding is a more natural adjective for notable achievements.
- 5. Choose precise noun Original: attention Suggested revision: recognition Why it matters: Recognition more precisely describes the positive response generated by achievement.
- 6. Clarify professional preparation Original: study and internship Suggested revision: study and professional training Why it matters: Professional training describes the broader preparation required more naturally here.
- 7. Improve verb choice Original: their efforts produce Suggested revision: their efforts help shape Why it matters: Help shape expresses the gradual influence of teachers more precisely than produce.
- 8. Use plural reference Original: their intervention creates Suggested revision: their interventions create Why it matters: The plural noun agrees more naturally with the plural subject Social workers.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: contribution Suggested revision: contributions Why it matters: The plural contributions agree with the multiple professionals and fields described.
- 10. Make comparison concise Original: great disparity in income received by diverse professionals Suggested revision: large income disparities among different professions Why it matters: This revision expresses the comparison directly and uses a more natural collocation.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: each one feels Suggested revision: everyone feels Why it matters: Everyone refers to members of society more clearly and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- professional sports athletes professional athletes
- outrageously exceptionally
- sport is viewed as a professional career professional sport is viewed as a career
- strong outstanding
- attention recognition
- study and internship study and professional training
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position, examines both perspectives, and supports each side with relevant explanations about athletes' sacrifices and other professionals' social value. Its main limitation is that the case for why sporting success warrants exceptionally high pay is asserted more than fully analysed. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen that causal justification and directly weigh it against the opposing arguments before concluding.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear personal position are directly addressed with relevant, well-developed supporting ideas.
Explain more explicitly why athletes' training, pressure, and public contribution would justify salaries far above those in essential professions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, balanced body sections, and a consistent conclusion, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Integrate the short standalone paragraph into the preceding discussion so the contrast and progression feel even more continuous.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas effectively, with only a few slightly awkward combinations.
Refine collocations such as “strong achievements” and avoid redundant wording such as “professional sports athletes.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with punctuation supporting clear meaning throughout.
Polish occasional pronoun and determiner choices, such as “each one,” to make an already strong level of control more idiomatic.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.