In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Sample Response
In many nations, governments give precedence to economic growth over other issues. The advantages of this are that numbers of employed residents will increase and residents’ standards of living will be improved. However, this can cause serious environmental problems and health problems.
One major benefit of prioritising economic development is that numbers of employed citizens will significantly increase. In other words, countries, where their economies are growing, require substantial workforces to produce sufficient supplies of goods in order to meet markets’ demand. As a result, more and more citizens are in employment. Moreover, this will also offer citizens a better quality of life. This is because, when economies are growing, governments will gain more taxes from trading and can spend them on people’s welfare. For example, Singapore has been improved its economy for the last 40 years. As a result, Singaporeans have excellent public transports and the well-organised health care system.
On the other hand, focusing only on economic development results in serious environmental damage. This is because, manufacturing processes generate CO2 and other fumes, sewage, and industrial waste which are released to environments and cause air, water and soil pollution. Furthermore, industrial pollution will negatively affect people’s health by precipitating respiratory diseases as well as some types of cancer. For example, Beijing, a big city in China, is facing smog which comes from manufacturing and incomplete combustion of logistic vehicles. This leads to an increase in the number of asthma-exacerbated patients.
To conclude, while prioritisng economic development will result in an increase in employment and a better quality of life, the serious downsides that come with this are environmental pollution and residents’ health issues.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular number Original: numbers of employed residents Suggested revision: the number of employed residents Why it matters: The number is required when referring to the size of one group.
- 2. Use singular number Original: numbers of employed citizens Suggested revision: the number of employed citizens Why it matters: The number is the correct expression for a measurable total.
- 3. Fix the relative clause Original: countries, where their economies are growing, Suggested revision: countries whose economies are growing Why it matters: Whose directly links the growing economies to the countries and removes unnecessary commas.
- 4. Use standard collocation Original: markets’ demand Suggested revision: market demand Why it matters: Market demand is the conventional economic collocation.
- 5. Use precise economic term Original: more taxes from trading Suggested revision: more tax revenue from trade Why it matters: Tax revenue from trade expresses the intended government income more precisely.
- 6. Fix pronoun agreement Original: spend them on people’s welfare Suggested revision: spend it on public welfare Why it matters: The singular pronoun it correctly refers to tax revenue.
- 7. Use active present perfect Original: has been improved its economy Suggested revision: has improved its economy Why it matters: The active present perfect is required because Singapore performs the action.
- 8. Use uncountable noun Original: transports Suggested revision: transport Why it matters: Transport is uncountable when referring to a public transport system generally.
- 9. Correct the article Original: the well-organised health care system Suggested revision: a well-organised healthcare system Why it matters: The indefinite article is needed because this system has not been identified previously.
- 10. Remove incorrect comma Original: This is because, manufacturing Suggested revision: This is because manufacturing Why it matters: A comma should not separate because from the clause it introduces.
- 11. Correct preposition and noun Original: released to environments Suggested revision: released into the environment Why it matters: Pollutants are released into the environment, which is normally singular in this general sense.
- 12. Correct the spelling Original: prioritisng Suggested revision: prioritising Why it matters: The verb is misspelled and requires the second i.
Suggested Rewrites
- numbers of employed residents the number of employed residents
- numbers of employed citizens the number of employed citizens
- countries, where their economies are growing, countries whose economies are growing
- markets’ demand market demand
- more taxes from trading more tax revenue from trade
- spend them on people’s welfare spend it on public welfare
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay answers both sides directly, develops a coherent line of argument, and supports its points with concrete national examples. The main weakness is recurring imprecision in grammar and collocation, especially around count nouns, passive structures, and technical expressions, which occasionally makes otherwise strong ideas sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to refine these language choices while preserving the response's clear organisation and focused development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The advantages and disadvantages are both clearly addressed, developed with relevant reasoning, and supported by specific examples.
Deepen the evaluation by acknowledging that the harms arise particularly when growth is prioritised without sufficient regulation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally make the argument easy to follow.
Reduce slightly mechanical linking and unnecessary punctuation after introductory clauses to make progression more fluent.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, but several unnatural collocations and count-noun choices weaken precision.
Replace phrases such as numbers of employed citizens, public transports, and logistic vehicles with natural, context-appropriate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used effectively, although recurring errors with articles, plurals, relative clauses, and passive forms remain noticeable.
Review noun phrases and verb voice carefully, especially in sentences such as Singapore has been improved its economy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.