In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?
Sample Response
As global wealth increases, there has been a surprising decrease in reported levels of happiness in developed nations. In my opinion, this is due to lifestyle changes and it teaches that money is merely a baseline requirement for happiness.
The main reason individuals in wealthy nations are less happy today relates to how people live. In the past, people had fewer free time options and this led to more time being outside and socializing. Modern lifestyles are predicated around isolation. For example, the average worker or student after a long day is likely to spend at least a few hours watching movies on Netflix, messaging friends, checking social media, and listening to music. These 21st century habits would seemingly elevate happiness levels but they are in fact a passive means of achieving low levels of contentment and pleasure. In the aggregate, this minimum threshold of commitment pales in comparison to more substantial activities.
The lesson from this development is that wealth is only the foundation of happiness. Many would claim that money has no relationship to happiness, however, this is naive since families living in poverty must obsess over simple matters such as shelter and sustenance. Money only serves to guarantee basic necessities and happiness is an active byproduct of action. This can be seen most clearly in nations that score high on happiness surveys such as in Northern Europe and Japan. Individuals in these countries tend to have more focused lives and feel they are part of a community and culture that requires active engagement. These societies prioritise involvement with others and community responsibility and shun the insular hobbies that have led to dissatisfaction in other developed nations.
In conclusion, lower levels of happiness are due to modern ways of living and this illustrates the relative importance of wealth. Happiness itself should not be an aim but rather a result of pursuing worthier life goals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Align the time frame Original: As global wealth increases, there has been Suggested revision: As global wealth has increased, there has been Why it matters: The present perfect in both clauses gives the ongoing trend a consistent time frame.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: it teaches Suggested revision: this trend teaches us Why it matters: The pronoun has no clear singular referent, so naming the trend makes the link explicit.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: fewer free time options Suggested revision: fewer leisure options Why it matters: “Leisure options” is the more concise and idiomatic expression.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: more time being outside Suggested revision: more time outdoors Why it matters: “Outdoors” expresses the same idea more naturally and directly.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: around Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The adjective “predicated” conventionally takes the preposition “on.”
- 6. Place the modifier clearly Original: the average worker or student after a long day is likely Suggested revision: after a long day, the average worker or student is likely Why it matters: Moving the time phrase prevents it from appearing to modify only “student.”
- 7. Clarify the abstract phrase Original: a passive means of achieving low levels of contentment and pleasure Suggested revision: passive activities that provide only limited contentment and pleasure Why it matters: The revision makes the contrast with substantial activity more concrete without changing the claim.
- 8. Use a precise term Original: this minimum threshold of commitment Suggested revision: this minimal level of engagement Why it matters: “Level of engagement” describes the limited participation more naturally than “threshold of commitment.”
- 9. Remove tautology Original: an active byproduct of action Suggested revision: a byproduct of active engagement Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “active” and “action” while preserving the intended contrast.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Many would claim that money has no relationship to happiness, however, this is naive since families living in poverty must obsess over simple matters such as shelter and sustenance. Suggested revision: Many would claim that money has no relationship to happiness; however, this is naive because families living in poverty must focus on basic needs such as shelter and sustenance. Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the independent clauses, and the revised wording is more precise and less emotive.
Suggested Rewrites
- As global wealth increases, there has been As global wealth has increased, there has been
- it teaches this trend teaches us
- fewer free time options fewer leisure options
- more time being outside more time outdoors
- around on
- the average worker or student after a long day is likely after a long day, the average worker or student is likely
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions through a clear thesis, well-developed reasoning, and a strong progression from modern isolation to the limited role of wealth. Its main limitation is occasional abstract or imprecise phrasing, and the international example is asserted more confidently than it is explained. The highest-priority improvement is to make the evidence more precise and explicitly connect each example to the claimed decline in happiness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed with a clear central argument and well-developed, relevant ideas.
Make the country example more convincing by explaining exactly how community participation supports the lesson drawn from economic growth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly across focused paragraphs, and cohesion is managed smoothly without distracting repetition.
Clarify the transition from passive leisure to "more substantial activities" by naming the contrasting activities immediately.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a wide, flexible vocabulary with generally precise academic expression and only occasional awkward collocations.
Refine phrases such as "predicated around isolation" and "active byproduct of action" into more natural, concrete wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, with only minor punctuation or phrasing lapses.
Review punctuation around linking adverbs such as "however" to avoid comma-splice structures in otherwise controlled sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.