In recent times economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?
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Sample Response
Economic growth has brought financial stability for both manufacturers and workersboth for me manufacturer as well as for the workers. Moreover, it has greatly increasedassisted a lot in enhancing the income of the people who occupy different jobs in different countries, including poorer nationsdifferent nations and weak nations. Suffice it to saySuffice to say that the masses of wealthy countries are not as contenthave not contended as they used to be in the past. This is owing to the increased stress level, lack of time for near and dear ones.
At the outset, masses of advanced countries are not cheerful due to increased stress levelslevel. They run after money, and in order to earn more moneyearn plentiful, they are sacrificing their leisure time. Thus the race to become richrace of becoming rich overnight increases their stress. This is whyThis is the prime reason that they arebecome able to earn more, but internally, they remain discontented. For instance, in industrialized countries, people work without a break. Initially, people work to buy a house or to raise their utilize their whole investment to pay the mortgage interest rate and again strive hard to collect more.
Besides, a lack of time for loved oneslack of time for the loved ones is another reason that does not make them feel glad. It is owing to spend more time on electronic gadgets and asking about their well being over the phone. Moreover, as humans are becoming more modernstepping into modernization, they are getting alienated from their loved ones. Thus they don’t feel cheerful.
Furthermore, many life lessons can be learnt from this discussion: namely, thatfrom the above-mentioned discussion as people must have some spare time for themselves as well as for others. They must understand that money cannot buy happiness. Instead, it is related to the human state of mind. In addition, the masses consider material possessions all-importantmaterial possession all in all; however, they live alone in the end and feel isolated, which makes them more depresseddepressed more. What’s more, for the sake of modernization and forgetting, humanity is the root cause of man’s fall. So, individuals should understand it and make their liveslife worthwhile.
In conclusion, there are countless reasons that don’t make individuals in richer nations joyfulthe individuals of richer nations’ joyful. Out of many, a lack of time for relatives and a greater focus on multimedialack of time for relatives focusing more on multimedia is the main reason. It is pertinent to understand that working additional hours to earn more incomesacrificing additional hours for getting more income is in vain if this attitude does not make them feel happy.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers both questions and maintains a generally clear progression from causes to lessons. However, several ideas are only loosely explained, and frequent malformed or imprecise phrases make parts of the argument difficult to follow, particularly the mortgage example. Focus first on developing each cause and lesson through one clear causal chain, then revise sentence structures and collocations so that the intended meaning is consistently precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses reasons for reduced happiness and identifies lessons, but supporting explanations and examples are uneven and sometimes unclear.
Explain each reason and lesson with a specific, logically connected example rather than adding broad assertions about modern life.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in a sensible sequence with clear paragraph purposes, though cohesion is often mechanical and some internal connections are weak.
Use precise referencing and logical connectors to show causal relationships, especially within the body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Replace unnatural expressions with precise common collocations and check that each selected word has the required grammatical form.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction, and phrasing reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete clauses first, then combine them only when subjects, verbs, and grammatical relationships remain clear.