In recent times economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?
Sample Response
Economic growth has brought financial stability both for me manufacturer as well as for the workers. Moreover, it has assisted a lot in enhancing the income of the people who occupy different jobs in different nations and weak nations. Suffice to say that the masses of wealthy countries have not contended as they used to be in the past. This is owing to the increased stress level, lack of time for near and dear ones.
At the outset, masses of advanced countries are not cheerful due to increased stress level. They run after money, and in order to earn plentiful, they are sacrificing their leisure time. Thus the race of becoming rich overnight increases their stress. This is the prime reason that they become able to earn more, but internally, they remain discontented. For instance, in industrialized countries, people work without a break. Initially, people work to buy a house or to raise their utilize their whole investment to pay the mortgage interest rate and again strive hard to collect more.
Besides, lack of time for the loved ones is another reason that does not make them feel glad. It is owing to spend more time on electronic gadgets and asking about their well being over the phone. Moreover, as humans are stepping into modernization, they are getting alienated from their loved ones. Thus they don’t feel cheerful.
Furthermore, many life lessons can be learnt from the above-mentioned discussion as people must have some spare time for themselves as well as for others. They must understand that money cannot buy happiness. Instead, it is related to the human state of mind. In addition, the masses consider material possession all in all; however, they live alone in the end and feel isolated, which makes them depressed more. What’s more, for the sake of modernization and forgetting, humanity is the root cause of man’s fall. So, individuals should understand it and make their life worthwhile.
In conclusion, there are countless reasons that don’t make the individuals of richer nations’ joyful. Out of many, lack of time for relatives focusing more on multimedia is the main reason. It is pertinent to understand that sacrificing additional hours for getting more income is in vain if this attitude does not make them feel happy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix correlative structure Original: both for me manufacturer as well as for the workers Suggested revision: for both manufacturers and workers Why it matters: The replacement corrects the apparent typo and uses the standard ‘both…and’ structure.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: assisted a lot in enhancing Suggested revision: greatly increased Why it matters: The original phrase is wordy and uses an unnatural verb combination.
- 3. Clarify country groups Original: different nations and weak nations Suggested revision: different countries, including poorer nations Why it matters: The original categories overlap, while ‘weak nations’ is imprecise in this context.
- 4. Complete fixed phrase Original: Suffice to say Suggested revision: Suffice it to say Why it matters: The conventional expression requires the pronoun ‘it’.
- 5. Use correct adjective Original: have not contended Suggested revision: are not as content Why it matters: ‘Content’ is the adjective meaning satisfied, whereas ‘contended’ is a verb form.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: level Suggested revision: levels Why it matters: The general claim refers to stress levels among multiple people.
- 7. Fix word form Original: earn plentiful Suggested revision: earn more money Why it matters: ‘Plentiful’ is an adjective and cannot function as the object of ‘earn’.
- 8. Use correct preposition Original: race of becoming rich Suggested revision: race to become rich Why it matters: The infinitive is the natural complement after ‘race’ in this meaning.
- 9. Strengthen logical link Original: This is the prime reason that Suggested revision: This is why Why it matters: The shorter connector links the cause directly to the resulting state.
- 10. Correct verb form Original: become Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The sentence describes a present ability rather than a transition into ability.
- 11. Add article Original: lack of time for the loved ones Suggested revision: a lack of time for loved ones Why it matters: The singular countable phrase requires an article, while ‘loved ones’ is used generally.
- 12. Use natural expression Original: stepping into modernization Suggested revision: becoming more modern Why it matters: The original metaphor is not idiomatic in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- both for me manufacturer as well as for the workers for both manufacturers and workers
- assisted a lot in enhancing greatly increased
- different nations and weak nations different countries, including poorer nations
- Suffice to say Suffice it to say
- have not contended are not as content
- level levels
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers both questions and maintains a generally clear progression from causes to lessons. However, several ideas are only loosely explained, and frequent malformed or imprecise phrases make parts of the argument difficult to follow, particularly the mortgage example. Focus first on developing each cause and lesson through one clear causal chain, then revise sentence structures and collocations so that the intended meaning is consistently precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses reasons for reduced happiness and identifies lessons, but supporting explanations and examples are uneven and sometimes unclear.
Explain each reason and lesson with a specific, logically connected example rather than adding broad assertions about modern life.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in a sensible sequence with clear paragraph purposes, though cohesion is often mechanical and some internal connections are weak.
Use precise referencing and logical connectors to show causal relationships, especially within the body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Replace unnatural expressions with precise common collocations and check that each selected word has the required grammatical form.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction, and phrasing reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete clauses first, then combine them only when subjects, verbs, and grammatical relationships remain clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent times economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.