Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that people in glamour industry as well as sports persons, get a very high remuneration. However, I opine that occupations such as teachers, scientists, social activists, etc. must be paid a large amount as well. There are myriad reasons to support this argument. Firstly, high endorsements to famous personalities would discourage the common people and they may develop negative thoughts about less paid jobs. This creates a deterring effect on society. Secondly, youngsters become imaginatively affected and sometimes may be carried away from their actual goals. However, entertainers also face certain vexes; one among them is they can work for a limited age only (about 30-35 years) and they get retired earlier. Therefore it becomes essential for them to secure their further future for which money is required. On the other hand, if we consider less paid jobs, for instance, the people in teaching field play a vital role because they lay down the foundation for children and in turn produce skill full citizens of a country. Moreover, Scientists indulge their valuable time in various discoveries and inventions to provide comfort to mankind. Furthermore, social workers bring awareness in the society which helps a country to develop. Owing to the above reasons, it is clear that people in the above-mentioned fields are important for a common man and a society. Hence they must be highly paid. In the conclusion, I believe that the jobs that deal with the betterment of denizens should not be ignored and they must be paid more so as to inculcate an interest in people to opt such fields.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural term Original: glamour Suggested revision: entertainment Why it matters: Entertainment industry is the standard term for this field.
- 2. Remove stray comma Original: sports persons, get Suggested revision: sportspeople get Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the subject from its verb.
- 3. Use natural plural Original: a very high remuneration Suggested revision: very high salaries Why it matters: Salaries is more natural when referring to the pay received by several people.
- 4. Use natural stance Original: opine Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: Believe expresses the position in a more natural academic style.
- 5. Complete the list Original: teachers, scientists, social activists, etc. Suggested revision: teachers, scientists, and social activists Why it matters: The conjunction completes the finite list more cleanly than etc.
- 6. Use pay collocation Original: paid a large amount Suggested revision: paid high salaries Why it matters: High salaries is the natural collocation for occupational pay.
- 7. Clarify endorsement pay Original: high endorsements to famous personalities Suggested revision: large endorsement payments to famous personalities Why it matters: Endorsements are activities or agreements, while payments can be large.
- 8. Use neutral wording Original: the common people Suggested revision: ordinary people Why it matters: Ordinary people is a more natural and neutral expression here.
- 9. Use compound adjective Original: less paid jobs. This Suggested revision: lower-paid jobs. This Why it matters: Lower-paid is the correct comparative compound adjective before jobs.
- 10. Choose precise effect Original: deterring Suggested revision: discouraging Why it matters: Discouraging accurately describes the effect on attitudes toward lower-paid work.
- 11. Clarify influence Original: youngsters become imaginatively affected Suggested revision: young people are unduly influenced Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly express the intended psychological influence.
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: carried away from their actual goals Suggested revision: distracted from their actual goals Why it matters: Distracted from is the natural collocation for losing focus on goals.
Suggested Rewrites
- glamour entertainment
- sports persons, get sportspeople get
- a very high remuneration very high salaries
- opine believe
- teachers, scientists, social activists, etc. teachers, scientists, and social activists
- paid a large amount paid high salaries
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies socially valuable occupations and explains why teachers, scientists, and social workers deserve higher pay, with the teaching example providing the strongest support. Its main limitation is that the writer never clearly decides whether entertainers are overpaid, instead alternating between criticism of celebrity earnings and justification based on short careers. Prioritise an explicit answer to the first question and compare pay using contribution, scarcity, and career risk.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The second question is answered with several relevant occupations, but the position on whether entertainers are overpaid remains unclear.
State explicit agreement or disagreement about entertainers' pay and justify it before comparing other professions on consistent criteria.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move broadly from celebrity pay to other occupations, but the single-block format and shifting stance weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the position on entertainers, alternative professions, and the final comparative judgement.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a fairly broad vocabulary, though several word choices and collocations are awkward or inaccurate.
Refine phrases such as 'high endorsements', 'become imaginatively affected', 'face certain vexes', and 'indulge their valuable time'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning, but agreement, articles, punctuation, and clause-pattern errors recur.
Check complete clause construction and article use, especially in sentences about entertainers' careers and professional contributions.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.