Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?
Sample Response
There are many psychologists today who believe that crime comes from inborn, genetic characteristics. In my opinion, genetics play a small role in criminal behaviour and it is much more sensible to combat crime by looking to family circumstances.
Those who believe strongly in the role of genetics in determining future behaviour can point to case examples and hard data. It is very common for the children of violent criminals to display some degree of abnormal behaviour as children and later in life. Scientists can ground their theories of crime by mapping the genetic code of an individual and then identifying similarities between the family members of criminals. However, their results may uncover some genetic factors but it is much more likely that a child raised by a criminal will simply have a poor upbringing and social factors will explain their anti-social behaviour. This is supported by recent research into developmental psychology showing the physical changes that occur in brain formation as a result of upbringing.
Therefore, it is largely possible to prevent most crime by taking an active, positive role in childcare. A good counter-example of this comes from the case studies of serials killers. Without exception, all serial killers came from abusive, broken homes. The physical and sexual abuse present in their childhood, later manifested itself in their compulsions to exert power over others. Naturally, this does not mean that abuse necessarily leads to crime, as many others overcome their difficult backgrounds to become well-adjusted adults. It does, however, imply a large proportion of criminal behaviour can be prevented by a supportive family environment. Knowing that they are loved and accepted by their parents, will make children less likely to seek attention through bad behaviour or abuse drugs to cope with their problems, both of which are early indicators of possible criminality.
In conclusion, though nature may be a marginal factor in criminal psychology, I believe that emphasis on the social environment is the real key to fighting crime. It is therefore important to invest in social services, education, and child welfare programs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: inborn, genetic characteristics Suggested revision: genetic characteristics Why it matters: “Genetic” already means inherited or inborn, so both adjectives are unnecessary.
- 2. Use precise verb Original: looking to family circumstances Suggested revision: examining family circumstances Why it matters: “Examining” clearly expresses investigating family circumstances as a cause.
- 3. Use standard term Original: examples Suggested revision: studies Why it matters: “Case studies” is the conventional term for detailed examples used as evidence.
- 4. Clarify evidential support Original: ground Suggested revision: support Why it matters: Theories are more naturally described as being supported by evidence.
- 5. Use correct preposition Original: between the family members Suggested revision: among family members Why it matters: “Among” is appropriate when comparing similarities across more than two family members.
- 6. Fix noun form Original: serials Suggested revision: serial Why it matters: “Serial” functions as an adjective here and should not be pluralized.
- 7. Remove subject comma Original: childhood, later manifested itself Suggested revision: childhood later manifested itself Why it matters: A comma should not separate the subject phrase from its verb.
- 8. Add complement marker Original: imply a large proportion Suggested revision: imply that a large proportion Why it matters: The verb introduces a complete clause here and therefore requires “that.”
- 9. Remove subject comma Original: parents, will make Suggested revision: parents will make Why it matters: The introductory gerund phrase and its following clause should not be divided by a comma after the subject phrase.
- 10. Add missing article Original: that emphasis on the social environment Suggested revision: that the emphasis on the social environment Why it matters: The definite noun phrase requires “the” before “emphasis.”
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: It is very common for the children of violent criminals to display some degree of abnormal behaviour as children and later in life. Suggested revision: It is very common for the children of violent criminals to display some degree of abnormal behaviour both early in life and as they grow older. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the repetition of “children” while preserving the contrast between earlier and later behaviour.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: However, their results may uncover some genetic factors but it is much more likely that a child raised by a criminal will simply have a poor upbringing and social factors will explain their anti-social behaviour. Suggested revision: Although their results may uncover some genetic factors, it is much more likely that a child raised by a criminal will simply have a poor upbringing and that social factors will explain their anti-social behaviour. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the competing contrast markers and creates clear parallel dependent clauses.
Suggested Rewrites
- inborn, genetic characteristics genetic characteristics
- looking to family circumstances examining family circumstances
- examples studies
- ground support
- between the family members among family members
- serials serial
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions with a clear position, well-developed reasoning, and a strong progression from genetic influence to practical prevention. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and imprecision in supporting claims, alongside a few minor language slips. The highest priority is to qualify broad assertions and support them with more measured evidence so the otherwise sophisticated argument becomes more credible and exact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed arguments, though a few absolute claims weaken the precision of the support.
Qualify sweeping assertions about criminals and serial killers, and use carefully framed evidence to strengthen credibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically from evaluating genetic explanations to proposing prevention, with well-managed cohesion and purposeful paragraphing.
Make the transition between the limitations of genetics and the proposed family-based solution even more explicitly causal.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and generally precise, with effective use of topic-specific and academic language despite isolated slips.
Proofread for small lexical errors such as serials killers and favour measured wording when presenting contested claims.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled well, but a few punctuation, agreement, and clause-boundary errors remain noticeable.
Remove unnecessary commas between subjects and verbs and check agreement in longer introductory-participle constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.