Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?
Sample Response
Many psychological researchers advocate that we can study the actions of children in order to determine their potential to become future criminals, while others believe that this is neither accurate nor ethical. In my opinion, the environment is a much larger factor in individuals’ propensity to commit crimes, and therefore, such endeavours will not stop children from breaking the law in the future.
Firstly, it could be argued that there are indeed biological factors that can predispose individuals to certain behaviours, including antisocial ones. Theories of natural selection suggest that the gene for aggressiveness can be passed down through generations, as it was more likely to help previous humans survive. Therefore, if we are able to discern which mechanisms in the brain can trigger such emotional responses in children, we might be able to identify which children are at risk of becoming criminals. For instance, brain scans studies have shown that criminals who have committed crimes but pleaded insanity have a less developed amygdala than normal people.
On the other hand, it could be said that seeing crime as an individual issue takes away the collective responsibility of taking care of children so that they do not have to resort to crime. Studies show that there is a direct correlation between poverty and crime rates - thus, it is safe to infer that individuals are much a product of their circumstance as much as their genetics. If children are raised in an area with ample economic opportunities, I argue that it is likely they will commit less crimes in the future. Therefore, efforts to predict children’s behavioural patterns should instead be redirected to providing for their needs.
Overall, I believe that while a neuropsychological approach to crime can be attractive, it is far too simplistic and takes into account an inadequate role of nurture. Thus, I believe that using children’s behaviour to prevent crime is unnecessary and ineffective.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: actions Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: “Behaviour” is the more precise term for the psychological patterns being studied.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: potential to become future criminals Suggested revision: potential to become criminals Why it matters: “Potential to become” already refers to the future, so “future” is redundant.
- 3. Choose natural wording Original: previous Suggested revision: early Why it matters: “Early humans” is the natural expression for people in earlier stages of human history.
- 4. Improve collocation Original: takes away the collective responsibility of taking care of children Suggested revision: weakens society’s collective responsibility to care for children Why it matters: This wording expresses the intended relationship more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Fix comparison structure Original: much a product of their circumstance as much as their genetics Suggested revision: as much a product of their circumstances as of their genetics Why it matters: The correlative comparison requires parallel “as much ... as” phrasing and the plural “circumstances”.
- 6. Use fewer Original: less Suggested revision: fewer Why it matters: Use “fewer” with the countable plural noun “crimes”.
- 7. Join clauses correctly Original: crime rates - thus Suggested revision: crime rates; thus Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the two independent clauses around the conjunctive adverb.
- 8. Fix awkward collocation Original: takes into account an inadequate role of nurture Suggested revision: gives inadequate weight to nurture Why it matters: The original collocation does not clearly express that the approach undervalues nurture.
- 9. Clarify what is used Original: using children’s behaviour to prevent crime Suggested revision: using studies of children’s behaviour to prevent crime Why it matters: The revision clarifies that the proposed method uses behavioural research rather than behaviour itself.
- 10. Use natural reporting verb Original: advocate Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: “Argue that” is the more natural reporting pattern for presenting this research position.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: this is neither accurate nor ethical Suggested revision: this approach is neither accurate nor ethical Why it matters: Naming “this approach” makes the pronoun’s reference explicit.
- 12. Improve factor collocation Original: much larger factor in individuals’ propensity Suggested revision: much stronger influence on individuals’ propensity Why it matters: An environment more naturally “influences” a person’s propensity than acts as a factor in it.
Suggested Rewrites
- actions behaviour
- potential to become future criminals potential to become criminals
- previous early
- takes away the collective responsibility of taking care of children weakens society’s collective responsibility to care for children
- much a product of their circumstance as much as their genetics as much a product of their circumstances as of their genetics
- less fewer
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a nuanced, consistent position and develops a convincing contrast between biological predisposition and environmental influence. Its main limitation is that the discussion of whether children can actually be stopped from becoming criminals remains somewhat indirect, while several claims and collocations lack precision. Make the prevention answer explicit, distinguish prediction from intervention, and support that conclusion with a directly relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions with a clear, nuanced position and relevant development, although the prevention question is answered somewhat indirectly.
State explicitly how far crime can be prevented and separate the value of social intervention from the limits of behavioural prediction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with cohesive links used effectively.
Sharpen the transition from genetic risk to practical prevention so the relationship between the two questions is even clearer.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, despite occasional awkward or inaccurate collocations.
Refine expressions such as biological research claims and comparative phrases to make the language more natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, while a few agreement, countability, and phrasing errors remain.
Proofread complex sentences for local errors such as noun modification and countability before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.