In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?
Sample Response
Recently, an ample amount of governmental investment money is being poured into the improvement of the Internet supply. This phenomenon has its root from a host of factors, and I would discuss that there are various available ways to allocate this money more effectively.
To begin with, it is understandable why enhancing the quality of the Internet provision has become a key national investment portfolio. Firstly, with the availability of a better Internet connection, an extensive avenue of information is opened up for the inhabitants. Most residents would have widespread access to both international and local social news, and it has never been easier for those who live in remote areas to reach a wide range of information at a click of a button. Secondly, an improved Internet supply can facilitate the operation process of governmental companies. With stably-functioning online platforms, corporations today would no longer find it difficult to approach their customers, manage their employees or organise video conferences, which boosts the overall productivity. In the long run, the development of such firms makes a great contribution to the thriving of the national economy.
However, I believe that upgrading internet access is not the best way to allocate government money. The primary reason is that the broadband connection in most countries today is fast enough to satisfy the basic demands of the public. For example, in Vietnam, hardly do individuals have to wait a long time for a web page to load, while online business meetings had even become popular years ago. Therefore, an improvement in the quality of the Internet supply can be deemed not obligatory and urgent. Another justification is that there are several other fields which are being placed under strain and require the capital disbursement to function. To illustrate, a number of state hospitals in the UK have been conducting research on a complete cure for cancer, and it seems that this should be the investment priority.
In final words, all aforementioned standpoints lead me to a concrete inference that it is reasonable of the authorities to spend money bettering the Internet provision, but there are ways to allocate the capital more appropriately.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise funding language Original: an ample amount of governmental investment money Suggested revision: a substantial amount of government funding Why it matters: This revision removes redundancy and uses the standard term for public investment money.
- 2. Name internet access clearly Original: improvement of the Internet supply Suggested revision: improvement of internet access Why it matters: ‘Internet access’ is more precise and idiomatic than ‘Internet supply’.
- 3. Fix number and preposition Original: has its root from Suggested revision: has its roots in Why it matters: The fixed expression is ‘has its roots in’.
- 4. Use the correct verb Original: discuss Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: ‘Argue that’ introduces a position, whereas ‘discuss’ does not take a that-clause in this way.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: various available ways Suggested revision: other ways Why it matters: ‘Various’ and ‘available’ add unnecessary overlap when contrasting alternative allocations.
- 6. Choose the right noun Original: portfolio Suggested revision: priority Why it matters: A policy objective can be a priority, while a portfolio is a collection of investments.
- 7. Use a natural collocation Original: an extensive avenue of information Suggested revision: a broad range of information Why it matters: Information is described as a ‘range’, not an ‘avenue’, in this context.
- 8. Remove unclear wording Original: both international and local social news Suggested revision: both international and local news Why it matters: ‘Social news’ is unclear and unnecessary in this general reference to news.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: reach Suggested revision: access Why it matters: People ‘access’ information rather than ‘reach’ it.
- 10. Use the fixed article Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the definite article ‘the’.
- 11. Remove redundant wording Original: facilitate the operation process Suggested revision: facilitate operations Why it matters: ‘Operation process’ is redundant, and the plural noun expresses general business activities clearly.
- 12. Use a precise term Original: governmental companies Suggested revision: government-owned companies Why it matters: ‘Government-owned’ clearly describes companies owned by the state.
Suggested Rewrites
- an ample amount of governmental investment money a substantial amount of government funding
- improvement of the Internet supply improvement of internet access
- has its root from has its roots in
- discuss argue
- various available ways other ways
- portfolio priority
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response answers both questions directly, gives a consistent view, and supports its case with a clear progression from reasons for investment to competing priorities. Its principal limitation is frequent over-elaborate or imprecise word choice, which sometimes obscures otherwise relevant ideas; prioritise simpler, natural collocations and more carefully qualified examples when explaining why alternative spending deserves priority.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the reasons for internet investment and the judgement that other spending is more appropriate are clearly addressed and developed.
Make the alternative-spending case more convincing by explaining why the chosen example represents a broader and more urgent public need.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear two-part structure, and ideas within each body paragraph progress logically from claim to support.
Reduce mechanical signposting such as Firstly and Secondly by linking supporting points through their logical relationship.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, but frequent awkward collocations such as Internet supply, capital disbursement, and concrete inference limit precision and naturalness.
Replace inflated expressions with concise, idiomatic terms that express the same ideas more accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex sentences with generally clear meaning, although awkward constructions and tense or clause choices recur.
Review complex sentences for natural subject-verb patterns, tense consistency, and precise coordination before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.