In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?
Sample Response
A huge proportion of national budget is allocated to providing people with easier access to the Internet. There are several reasons for such spending and, in my view, this is not the most suitable way to use state money.
The government understand how the Internet benefits the lives of their citizens and also the limitation of access to the network in a number of places across their countries. The Internet has proven powerful in dispensing educational services and general knowledge about all aspects of life, not to mention the fact that it could facilitate communication between even continents. There is no arguing why governments pay much heed to the development of the network, just as to boost the overall quality of life for their people. Additionally, perhaps the inaccessibility of the Internet in many areas, especially disadvantaged ones for which mountainous villages in Vietnam could be brought up as a prime example, has the government draw a conclusion to pour their money into improving the Internet.
Much as those analyzed points above, I still believe large financial spending on such a field could, sometimes, be seen as unproductive or even counter-productive. In fact, only half of the world population has Internet connection; and even if the government were able to expand the network, it would be, I believe, hardly reachable for the rest of the world for the time being. The result would not be equivalent to the enormous amount of governmental funding. Instead, there are some other areas that authorities could invest in as a pre-requisite complement before supplying a widespread network. Constructing schools and deploying qualified teachers to areas that are used to the absence of the Internet and are unaware of the benefits it might offer could be more promising.
In conclusion, there are two main explanations for governments’ special attention to improving the Internet access; and I think this is not the most optimal way to spend money.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing article Original: of national budget Suggested revision: of the national budget Why it matters: The specific national budget requires the definite article.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: The government understand Suggested revision: Governments understand Why it matters: The plural form agrees with the later pronoun 'their' and the essay's general reference.
- 3. Restore parallel structure Original: and also the limitation of access Suggested revision: and the limitations on access Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is parallel with the preceding object of 'understand'.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: proven powerful in dispensing Suggested revision: proved effective in providing Why it matters: 'Effective in providing' is a more precise collocation for services and knowledge.
- 5. Place adverb correctly Original: communication between even continents Suggested revision: communication even between continents Why it matters: Moving 'even' before the prepositional phrase gives it the intended focus.
- 6. Use idiomatic phrasing Original: There is no arguing why Suggested revision: It is easy to see why Why it matters: The original expression is not idiomatic for introducing an evident reason.
- 7. Clarify causal link Original: just as to boost Suggested revision: because this can boost Why it matters: The causal connector clearly links network development to quality of life.
- 8. Fix concessive phrase Original: Much as those analyzed points above Suggested revision: Despite the points analysed above Why it matters: 'Despite' correctly introduces the concession before the writer's contrasting view.
- 9. Add missing article Original: has Internet connection Suggested revision: has an Internet connection Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'connection' requires an article.
- 10. Use natural expression Original: areas that are used to the absence of the Internet Suggested revision: areas accustomed to having no Internet access Why it matters: The revision expresses long-term lack of access more naturally and precisely.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: the Internet access Suggested revision: Internet access Why it matters: 'Internet access' is used without 'the' when referring to the service generally.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: large financial spending on such a field Suggested revision: heavy spending in this area Why it matters: The revision expresses the amount of expenditure more naturally and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- of national budget of the national budget
- The government understand Governments understand
- and also the limitation of access and the limitations on access
- proven powerful in dispensing proved effective in providing
- communication between even continents communication even between continents
- There is no arguing why It is easy to see why
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both questions with a clear position, and its strongest feature is the logical progression from reasons for investment to an alternative spending priority. Some claims are insufficiently precise, however, and awkward collocations and grammatical slips occasionally reduce fluency. The main improvement is to develop the cost-effectiveness comparison more rigorously, using clearer causal reasoning and more natural, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are answered with a consistent position, relevant reasons, and a developed alternative, though the argument about limited reach is not fully convincing.
Strengthen the evaluation by comparing internet investment and alternative priorities through explicit costs, beneficiaries, and likely outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear paragraph structure, with generally effective linking despite a few awkward transitions and overloaded sentences.
Use more natural transitions and divide long sentences where several logical relationships compete for attention.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary supports precise discussion of public spending and access, although several collocations and formulations sound unnatural.
Refine collocational accuracy, especially around government expenditure, internet availability, and the delivery of public services.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, but recurring agreement, article, and clause-construction errors prevent consistently strong control.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, articles, and complete clause patterns while preserving the existing range.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.