People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?
Sample Response
It is true that people in major cities are confronting a number of problems in their routine life. This essay will discuss some of these problems and explain the writer’s view that citizens should be encouraged to relocate to the countryside or regional towns.
The urban population is grappling against two main problems out of many. The first issue is the lower quality of life due to the increasingly heavier burden on the existing urban infrastructure. This is because rural immigrants in pursuit of employment opportunities keep inundating the downtown areas of most major cities. For example, most schools and hospitals located in XYZ city are frequently overloaded, making these services inaccessible to the majority of people of lower classes. The second issue is the traffic jam due to the burgeoning car ownership. Arguably, cars take up more space than a motorbike while its capacity to accommodate passengers is far inferior to that of a bus. This weakness results in bumper-to-bumper traffic, particularly in downtown areas where many drivers have to inch along to get away from the terrible traffic.
I think the government should encourage citizens to move away from major cities. This is due to the fact that this would relieve the current pressure on the infrastructure. Fewer people would need public services such as hospitals or schools and the roads would be more spacious, ensuring a smooth traffic flow with its resultant fewer accidents for city dwellers. In addition, the resources in the countryside or other less developed regions would be better exploited as there might be available workforce there. For instance, there would be more laborers during harvesting time in the countryside, or skilled or knowledgeable people would help with the construction work in smaller regions, spurring the growth of the local area as well as the nation as a whole.
In conclusion, there are many problems that people in cities are facing, and it is advisable that the government encourage the residents to consider relocation to smaller regional areas with a view to solving these issues.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: routine life Suggested revision: daily lives Why it matters: The plural phrase is more natural when referring to people generally.
- 2. Use direct viewpoint Original: the writer’s view Suggested revision: my view Why it matters: A first-person phrase presents the essay's own position more directly.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: against Suggested revision: with Why it matters: The verb “grapple” takes the preposition “with” in this meaning.
- 4. Clarify the selection Original: two main problems out of many Suggested revision: two of the main problems Why it matters: This wording expresses clearly that two problems are being selected from a larger group.
- 5. Avoid redundant comparison Original: increasingly heavier burden Suggested revision: increasing burden Why it matters: “Increasingly” and “heavier” express the same growth idea unnecessarily.
- 6. Choose the precise noun Original: immigrants Suggested revision: migrants Why it matters: “Migrants” is more precise for people moving within their own country.
- 7. Use respectful precision Original: the majority of people of lower classes Suggested revision: many lower-income residents Why it matters: This phrase is more concise and avoids the imprecise label “lower classes.”
- 8. Use the general concept Original: the traffic jam Suggested revision: traffic congestion Why it matters: The discussion concerns a broad urban problem rather than one specific traffic jam.
- 9. Improve the collocation Original: the burgeoning car ownership Suggested revision: rising levels of car ownership Why it matters: This is a more natural way to describe growth in vehicle ownership.
- 10. Clarify the movement Original: get away from the terrible traffic Suggested revision: move through the heavy traffic Why it matters: Drivers who inch along are moving through congestion rather than escaping it.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Arguably, cars take up more space than a motorbike while its capacity to accommodate passengers is far inferior to that of a bus. Suggested revision: Arguably, a car takes up more space than a motorbike, while its passenger capacity is far lower than that of a bus. Why it matters: Use singular nouns consistently so that “its” has a clear antecedent and the comparison is parallel.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Fewer people would need public services such as hospitals or schools and the roads would be more spacious, ensuring a smooth traffic flow with its resultant fewer accidents for city dwellers. Suggested revision: Fewer people would need public services such as hospitals or schools, and the roads would be less congested, resulting in smoother traffic flow and fewer accidents for city dwellers. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty result phrase and gives the two clauses clearer coordination.
Suggested Rewrites
- routine life daily lives
- the writer’s view my view
- against with
- two main problems out of many two of the main problems
- increasingly heavier burden increasing burden
- immigrants migrants
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear position and well-developed discussion of urban infrastructure pressure, traffic, and the potential benefits of relocation. Its main limitation is that some claims and examples are generalized or slightly awkwardly expressed, which reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to support each argument with more specific, credible explanation while refining collocations and reference words so that sophisticated ideas read naturally.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with a clear position and relevant, substantially developed reasons and examples.
Make the supporting examples more specific and credible, especially when claiming that services are inaccessible or regional resources would be better used.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing generally managed well.
Use a little less explanatory signposting and make references such as “This weakness” more precise to create smoother connections.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic vocabulary conveys ideas clearly, although several collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as “grappling against” and “the traffic jam” with natural, context-appropriate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are used with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Check pronoun agreement and article use in longer sentences, particularly where singular and plural nouns are contrasted.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.