You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell him/her how you feel. Write a letter to the singer. In your letter: - say how you feel about his/her performance - give details of your music-related/musical activities - explain how you would like him/her to help you with your music-related/musical activities
Sample Response
Dear Amy Horner, I am a huge fan of your music and writing to congratulate you on a brilliant performance at the City Emporium yesterday evening which I am sure everyone enjoyed to the fullest. It was simply breathtaking and electrifying to me and my friends, who were also present at the concert. I have always dreamt of seeing your performance live and yesterday was one of the best days of my life to have the chance for the first time. I am an aspiring musician, and I started playing the electric guitar and drums at a very tender age of 9. I can also play the flute besides composing a few songs for the band I am involved in. In fact, I have been a member of a local music band called "Window of Dreams" for the last six years, and we primarily focus on playing pop and rock music. You have always been my idol as a musician and songwriter. I am sure you are terribly busy, but I am really hoping that you would share some tips and provide some mentorship to help me do better in music. I would really appreciate it if you can spare some of your precious time to guide me which will eventually be a great help for me to further enhance my skills and boost my confidence. Thank you very much for your contributions to the music world. Yours sincerely, Emily Knight
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Restore parallel grammar Original: I am a huge fan of your music and writing Suggested revision: I am a huge fan of your music and am writing Why it matters: The second coordinated verb phrase needs its auxiliary verb.
- 2. Add a comma Original: yesterday evening which Suggested revision: yesterday evening, which Why it matters: A comma is needed before the non-restrictive relative clause commenting on the performance.
- 3. Use natural wording Original: enjoyed to the fullest Suggested revision: thoroughly enjoyed Why it matters: The adverbial phrasing is more concise and idiomatic.
- 4. Fix preposition order Original: electrifying to me and my friends Suggested revision: electrifying for my friends and me Why it matters: The adjective takes 'for' here, and the object pronoun follows the coordinated noun.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: seeing your performance live Suggested revision: seeing you perform live Why it matters: The verb phrase is more direct and natural than the nominal construction.
- 6. Avoid a cliché Original: at a very tender age of 9 Suggested revision: at the age of nine Why it matters: The revision is concise and avoids an overstated fixed expression.
- 7. Clarify coordination Original: besides composing Suggested revision: and compose Why it matters: A coordinated verb clearly presents composing as another musical activity.
- 8. Choose precise phrasing Original: the band I am involved in Suggested revision: the band I play with Why it matters: The revision states the musical relationship more directly.
- 9. Make wording concise Original: focus on playing Suggested revision: play Why it matters: The shorter verb conveys the band's activity without unnecessary wording.
- 10. Moderate the tone Original: terribly busy Suggested revision: extremely busy Why it matters: This adverb retains the emphasis while sounding more respectful.
- 11. Use request modal Original: you would share Suggested revision: you could share Why it matters: The modal 'could' correctly frames the hoped-for action as a polite request.
- 12. Remove unnecessary determiner Original: provide some mentorship Suggested revision: provide mentorship Why it matters: The uncountable noun is more natural here without 'some'.
Suggested Rewrites
- I am a huge fan of your music and writing I am a huge fan of your music and am writing
- yesterday evening which yesterday evening, which
- enjoyed to the fullest thoroughly enjoyed
- electrifying to me and my friends electrifying for my friends and me
- seeing your performance live seeing you perform live
- at a very tender age of 9 at the age of nine
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter communicates genuine enthusiasm, gives substantial detail about the writer's musical experience, and makes a respectful request for guidance. Its main limitation is that the help requested is rather general, while several sentences contain awkward or overly elaborate phrasing. The highest priority is to ask for specific advice connected to the stated band activities and then streamline the longer sentences for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose and all three bullet points are fully developed in a respectful tone, with relevant detail about the performance and the writer's musical background.
Make the request even more purposeful by identifying a specific area, such as songwriting, rehearsal technique, or live performance, on which guidance is sought.
Coherence and Cohesion
The content follows a clear progression from praise to musical experience and then mentorship, with strong overall unity despite some lengthy sentences.
Use clear paragraph breaks for the three communicative stages and split the longest request sentence to sharpen progression.
Lexical Resource
A broad and expressive vocabulary conveys enthusiasm and musical experience, although some phrases are clichéd, redundant, or slightly unnatural.
Replace expressions such as 'very tender age of 9', 'precious time', and 'further enhance' with more concise, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are used frequently and meaning remains clear, but several construction errors and awkward clause links prevent consistently precise control.
Correct omitted auxiliaries and loose relative clauses, for example 'I am writing' and 'guidance that would help me improve my skills'.
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