Write a letter to your college administration department complaining about the college facility. In your letter include: - what the problem is - how this problem has affected you - what the college should do to fix this problem
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a third-year accounting major student in your college and I am writing to you regarding a problem that I have encountered several times over the past few weeks in our football ground. I am hoping that you would take steps to solve the matter immediately. In relation to the issue, our football team is preparing for the upcoming competition against FC College, and the training is very hard - both mentally and physically. Hence we sometimes get very lethargic towards the end of our training sessions. But I am extremely alarmed at the fact that the faucet at the ground appears to be out of order, therefore, my teammates and I can’t quench our thirsts during and after the practice. Because of this, I suffered from dehydration a few days ago and had to be rushed to the hospital. My intention in writing this letter to you is to ask for a working condition faucet for drinking water so that we can carry on our practice sessions without risking our health. Expecting your kind attention and prompt action regarding this. Yours sincerely, Sameed Qureshi
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant noun Original: third-year accounting major student Suggested revision: third-year accounting student Why it matters: ‘Accounting student’ already identifies the candidate’s major.
- 2. Use correct preposition Original: in your college Suggested revision: at your college Why it matters: Use ‘at’ when referring to being a student of an institution.
- 3. Fix place preposition Original: in our football ground Suggested revision: on our football ground Why it matters: Activities take place ‘on’ a football ground rather than ‘in’ it.
- 4. Fix comma splice Original: out of order, therefore, Suggested revision: out of order; therefore, Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before ‘therefore’ because it joins two independent clauses.
- 5. Use fixed expression Original: quench our thirsts Suggested revision: quench our thirst Why it matters: The standard expression uses the uncountable singular noun ‘thirst’.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: during and after the practice Suggested revision: during and after practice Why it matters: ‘Practice’ is uncountable when referring generally to training activity here.
- 7. Fix modifier order Original: working condition faucet Suggested revision: faucet in working condition Why it matters: The phrase ‘in working condition’ must follow the noun it describes.
- 8. Use direct future form Original: would take steps Suggested revision: will take steps Why it matters: ‘I am hoping you will’ makes the requested future action more direct and natural.
- 9. Introduce issue directly Original: In relation to the issue Suggested revision: To explain the situation Why it matters: This transition signals that the following details explain the complaint.
- 10. Use specific event noun Original: upcoming competition Suggested revision: upcoming match Why it matters: ‘Match’ is more precise for a football contest against another college.
- 11. Improve collocation Original: the training is very hard Suggested revision: our training is very demanding Why it matters: ‘Demanding’ describes strenuous training more precisely than ‘hard’.
- 12. Punctuate transition Original: Hence Suggested revision: Consequently, Why it matters: The sentence connector should be followed by a comma and clearly mark the result.
Suggested Rewrites
- third-year accounting major student third-year accounting student
- in your college at your college
- in our football ground on our football ground
- out of order, therefore, out of order; therefore,
- quench our thirsts quench our thirst
- during and after the practice during and after practice
Why this response received Band 7.0
The complaint has a clear purpose, explains the broken faucet and its serious effect, and requests an appropriate solution in a suitably formal tone. The main weakness is presentation as one dense block, compounded by several awkward phrases and sentence-boundary errors. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the problem, consequences, and requested action into distinct paragraphs while tightening the less natural expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter clearly covers the facility problem, its impact on the writer, and the action required, with relevant supporting detail.
State the requested repair deadline or temporary water provision more explicitly to make the proposed response even more practical.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a sensible sequence and uses cohesive devices, but the absence of paragraphing makes the letter unnecessarily dense.
Organise the complaint into separate paragraphs for the context, the health impact, and the requested remedy.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and generally precise enough for a formal complaint, though several collocations are unnatural.
Use more idiomatic phrases such as 'a functioning drinking-water tap' instead of 'a working condition faucet.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but sentence-boundary, article, and phrasing errors recur.
Correct comma splices and fragments by separating complete sentences and checking clause punctuation carefully.
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