Write a letter to your college administration department complaining about the college facility. In your letter include: - what the problem is - how this problem has affected you - what the college should do to fix this problem
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a third-year accounting studentthird-year accounting major student atin your college and I am writing to you regarding a problem that I have encountered several times over the past few weeks onin our football ground. I am hoping that you willwould take steps to solve the matter immediately. To explain the situationIn relation to the issue, our football team is preparing for the upcoming matchcompetition against FC College, and our training is very demandingthe training is very hard - both mentally and physically. Consequently,Hence we sometimes become very tiredget very lethargic towards the end of our training sessions. I am particularly concerned thatBut I am extremely alarmed at the fact that the faucet at the ground appears to be out of order; therefore,out of order, therefore, my teammates and I can’t quench our thirstthirsts during and after practiceduring and after the practice. Because of this, I suffered from dehydration a few days ago and had to be rushed to the hospital. My intention in writing this letter to you is to ask for a faucet in working conditionworking condition faucet for drinking water so that we can carry on our practice sessions without risking our health. Expecting your kind attention and prompt action regarding this. Yours sincerely, Sameed Qureshi
Why this response received Band 7.0
The complaint has a clear purpose, explains the broken faucet and its serious effect, and requests an appropriate solution in a suitably formal tone. The main weakness is presentation as one dense block, compounded by several awkward phrases and sentence-boundary errors. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the problem, consequences, and requested action into distinct paragraphs while tightening the less natural expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter clearly covers the facility problem, its impact on the writer, and the action required, with relevant supporting detail.
State the requested repair deadline or temporary water provision more explicitly to make the proposed response even more practical.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a sensible sequence and uses cohesive devices, but the absence of paragraphing makes the letter unnecessarily dense.
Organise the complaint into separate paragraphs for the context, the health impact, and the requested remedy.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and generally precise enough for a formal complaint, though several collocations are unnatural.
Use more idiomatic phrases such as 'a functioning drinking-water tap' instead of 'a working condition faucet.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but sentence-boundary, article, and phrasing errors recur.
Correct comma splices and fragments by separating complete sentences and checking clause punctuation carefully.