You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: - explain why you took the job - describe the problems that you experienced - suggest what could be done about them
Sample Response
Dear Mrs Fischer, I am a part-time Financial Assistant in your office and I joined here almost three months ago. I am honoured to be considered a deserving employee in your reputed organisation. However, I am writing this letter to raise some concerns about the job. I am sure you would probe these issues and solve them. I delightfully took the job to work for an excellent company and I was offered an attractive remuneration. The prospect for improvement and promotion was another reason I joined here. I have signed the contract paper as a part-time employee and my office hours are from 11:00 am to 5:00 pm. But the head of my department always forces me to come before 10:00 o'clock in the morning and this has become quite impossible for me. I have to drop off my son at his school at 8:30 am. I am not sure why the head of the department is ordering me to start office before 10:00 am while he never shows up before 11:00 am? I am also shocked to face the unforeseeable trouble of working until 9:00 pm to finish my scheduled task. Sometimes I have to stay office till late hours while the whole office is deserted. I feel nervous to tell the department head not to force me to come office before 10:00 am. That is why I am notifying you about this problem. I guess I should be given as many opportunities as it is offered to other employees. I can fully devote myself to work harder but something unusual and unreasonable should not be imposed on me. I want your intervene to have this problem resolved. I will be waiting to get a positive response from you. Sincerely yours, Sudip Pant
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural praise Original: reputed organisation Suggested revision: well-regarded organisation Why it matters: This is more natural and less formulaic in a professional letter.
- 2. Tone choice Original: probe these issues Suggested revision: investigate these issues Why it matters: Investigate is the standard workplace collocation.
- 3. Wrong adverb Original: I delightfully took the job Suggested revision: I was pleased to take the job Why it matters: 'Delightfully' does not naturally describe this decision.
- 4. Natural wording Original: attractive remuneration Suggested revision: competitive salary Why it matters: This is a more idiomatic employment phrase.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: prospect for improvement Suggested revision: prospects for professional development Why it matters: The plural collocation expresses career growth clearly.
- 6. Use precise noun Original: contract paper Suggested revision: employment contract Why it matters: This is the standard term for the signed document.
- 7. Formal transition Original: But the head Suggested revision: However, the head Why it matters: This creates a more professional transition to the problem.
- 8. Missing preposition Original: start office Suggested revision: start work Why it matters: One starts work, not starts office.
- 9. Indirect question Original: before 11:00 am? Suggested revision: before 11:00 a.m. Why it matters: The sentence is an indirect statement and should end with a full stop.
- 10. Awkward phrase Original: unforeseeable trouble Suggested revision: unexpected requirement Why it matters: This describes the unplanned overtime more precisely.
- 11. Missing preposition Original: stay office Suggested revision: stay at the office Why it matters: The location requires 'at'.
- 12. Missing preposition Original: come office Suggested revision: come to the office Why it matters: Movement to a place requires 'to'.
Suggested Rewrites
- reputed organisation well-regarded organisation
- probe these issues investigate these issues
- I delightfully took the job I was pleased to take the job
- attractive remuneration competitive salary
- prospect for improvement prospects for professional development
- contract paper employment contract
Why this response received Band 6.0
The letter clearly explains why the job was accepted and gives specific, persuasive detail about the contracted hours and repeated overtime. However, the requested remedy is only vague, the tone becomes accusatory in places, and frequent collocation and grammar errors weaken professional control. Make the request explicit—asking the manager to enforce the agreed schedule—and organise the letter into clear purpose, reasons, problems, and action paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose, reasons, and problems are well developed, but the final suggested action is indirect and insufficiently specific.
Ask the manager directly to confirm and enforce the contracted 11:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m. hours.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a broadly logical order, though the letter is one long block and several links are repetitive or abrupt.
Use four short paragraphs and keep each one focused on a single bullet point or communicative function.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied, but awkward collocations and over-formal choices recur.
Prefer natural workplace phrases such as raise concerns, investigate, stay at the office, and intervene.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, but article, preposition, agreement, and question-form errors are frequent.
Check verb patterns and prepositions, especially ask someone to do, stay at, come to, and intervention/intervene.