You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan. Write a letter to a local financial organisation. In your letter: - give your qualifications and work experience - give details about the course - explain how this course will help you
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about the student loan that your bank grants to aspiring students or professionals to help them finish skill development courses as part-timers. I am a graduate and my major is physics. I would like to apply for the loan your bank is offering. I have earned my bachelor degree from the University of Edinburgh in 2016 and have been working in a local manufacturing company since then as a junior executive. Now I feel that I need advanced computer skills to further my career and better perform in my work field. The skill development course that I am planning to enrol in offers a comprehensive six-month-long curriculum intended to enhance the computing skills of professionals. It includes advanced MS Excel, Database Programming, Computer-aided Design (CAD), and many other aspects that a professional in the manufacturing sector can utilise. As the use of computers and software is predominant in our organisation, I would not be able to perform excellently without the skills this course offers. The database concept and Computer-aided Design (CAD) can help me execute my daily tasks in a more efficient manner. To advance my career, I see no alternatives than to learn those. However, I need financial help as this course is expensive. I am hoping that you would disburse the loan so that I can take the course. I need a loan of not more than $3000, and I am willing to repay the monthly instalment incurred from the loan over the next two years. I would really appreciate your consideration and a positive reply. Yours faithfully, Nathan Adam
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Form compound modifier Original: skill development courses Suggested revision: skills-development courses Why it matters: The compound modifier is clearer with the plural noun and a hyphen.
- 2. Describe study mode Original: as part-timers Suggested revision: on a part-time basis Why it matters: Part-timers describes people, whereas the intended meaning is the mode of study.
- 3. Use concise tense Original: my major is physics Suggested revision: I majored in physics Why it matters: The past-tense verb states the completed field of study more directly.
- 4. Use past simple Original: have earned Suggested revision: earned Why it matters: A finished time marker, in 2016, requires the past simple.
- 5. Use possessive form Original: my bachelor degree Suggested revision: my bachelor's degree Why it matters: The standard qualification name uses the possessive bachelor's.
- 6. Use employer preposition Original: working in a local manufacturing company Suggested revision: working for a local manufacturing company Why it matters: Working for is the natural choice when naming an employer.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: further my career Suggested revision: advance my career Why it matters: Advance my career is the more idiomatic collocation.
- 8. Fix adverb placement Original: better perform in my work field Suggested revision: perform better in my role Why it matters: The adverb follows the verb naturally, and role is more precise than work field.
- 9. Choose natural verb Original: enhance the computing skills Suggested revision: develop the computing skills Why it matters: Develop naturally describes acquiring and improving the professional skills named here.
- 10. Use lower case Original: Database Programming Suggested revision: database programming Why it matters: A general subject name is not capitalised unless it forms part of an official title.
- 11. Use precise category Original: many other aspects Suggested revision: other relevant topics Why it matters: Topics accurately refers to additional areas covered by the curriculum.
- 12. Use natural adverb Original: perform excellently Suggested revision: perform effectively Why it matters: Effectively is the more natural adverb for successful workplace performance.
Suggested Rewrites
- skill development courses skills-development courses
- as part-timers on a part-time basis
- my major is physics I majored in physics
- have earned earned
- my bachelor degree my bachelor's degree
- working in a local manufacturing company working for a local manufacturing company
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter is purposeful and detailed, giving clear information about the writer's qualifications, employment, proposed course, and its career value in an appropriately formal tone. The principal weakness is that a long single paragraph obscures an otherwise logical structure, and a few word choices are unnatural. Organising the request into distinct paragraphs and tightening those expressions would improve professional clarity and impact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The request is clear, all three bullet points are thoroughly developed, and the formal register suits a financial organisation.
State explicitly that the course will be taken part-time so the request aligns even more precisely with the loan conditions in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information develops in a logical order with clear connections, but presenting the entire letter as one paragraph limits structural clarity.
Separate the purpose and background, course details, career benefits, and loan request into distinct paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad, precise range of education, finance, and workplace vocabulary, with only occasional awkward collocations.
Refine expressions such as perform excellently, work field, and no alternatives than to learn those into more idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally well controlled, although a few tense, article, and comparative-pattern errors remain.
Use the simple past with a finished date and revise forms such as bachelor degree and no alternative but to learn these skills.