Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
There is no doubt that some young students are encouraged to work or travel a year after finishing high school. Some people assume that such a step is so beneficial to students while others oppose such ideas. In my point of view, I think this idea has both advantages and disadvantages.
An advantage of travelling or working just after high school and before attending university is the change to learning new things and gaining valuable work experience. When young people decide to work instead of getting straight to the university, they will get accustomed to the work environment and learn about several skills upon which they can build their future. In this way, it can be definitely assumed that they will be more than ready for any future work, be it a university study or any other job. For example, my brother preferred to work when he finished high school with the aim of learning new skills. Upon completion of high school, he easily found a suitable job and impressed the employers with his experience while also attending his university classes.
On the other hand, travelling or working instead of focusing on the university education has some negative impacts. When young people prefer to travel just after completing their high school, they may encounter cultural shocks. For example, one of my relatives decided to travel in young age and due to his immaturity and lack of knowledge of the outside world, he was utterly shocked by the customs and the way of life there. He was unable to get familiar with that community and was completely disappointed since he was unable to stay there. Consequently, his decision was against him because he did not get any benefit from his travelling.
In conclusion, no one can deny that travelling or working during high school has its positive and negative impacts. So, high school students are highly recommended to know their abilities and readiness before embarking on working or travelling in order not to be shocked or otherwise.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise noun Original: young students Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: Young people is the more natural term because the group has not yet entered university.
- 2. Add duration preposition Original: travel a year Suggested revision: travel for a year Why it matters: For is required to express the duration of the travel.
- 3. Match singular reference Original: such ideas Suggested revision: this idea Why it matters: The plural phrase does not agree with the single step previously mentioned.
- 4. Correct fixed phrase Original: In my point of view Suggested revision: From my point of view Why it matters: The standard expression uses from rather than in.
- 5. Correct word choice Original: the change to learning Suggested revision: the chance to learn Why it matters: Chance conveys an opportunity, whereas change does not fit the intended meaning.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: getting straight to the university Suggested revision: going straight to university Why it matters: This phrasing is more idiomatic for proceeding directly to higher education.
- 7. Use accurate collocation Original: learn about several skills Suggested revision: develop several skills Why it matters: People develop skills rather than learn about them when gaining practical ability.
- 8. Place adverb correctly Original: it can be definitely assumed Suggested revision: it can definitely be assumed Why it matters: The adverb normally comes between the modal and the passive infinitive.
- 9. Remove vague determiner Original: any future work Suggested revision: future work Why it matters: The uncountable general sense of work does not need any here.
- 10. Use uncountable noun Original: a university study Suggested revision: university study Why it matters: Study is uncountable when it refers generally to university education.
- 11. Remove generic article Original: the employers Suggested revision: employers Why it matters: No definite article is needed because no specific employers were introduced.
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: the university education Suggested revision: university education Why it matters: Education is used generally here and does not take the definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- young students young people
- travel a year travel for a year
- such ideas this idea
- In my point of view From my point of view
- the change to learning the chance to learn
- getting straight to the university going straight to university
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear two-sided structure and relevant examples, with ideas progressing logically from an advantage to a disadvantage. However, it never gives a sufficiently direct answer to the extent-of-agreement question, and some support is confused or only loosely connected to the gap-year context. State a clear position on whether students should be encouraged, then develop each benefit and drawback with precise, internally consistent support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses one advantage of working and one disadvantage of travelling, but its position on whether students should be encouraged remains unclear.
State a direct degree of agreement and ensure each example clearly demonstrates the claimed gap-year benefit or drawback.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a clear introduction, advantage, disadvantage and conclusion sequence, although some internal links and references are repetitive or imprecise.
Use more precise referencing within paragraphs and make each example-to-claim connection explicit.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common expressions, but several word choices and collocations are inaccurate.
Replace awkward phrases with natural combinations such as gain experience, go straight to university and adapt to a community.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful mix of simple and complex sentences generally communicates meaning clearly, despite recurring article, preposition and phrasing errors.
Proofread complex sentences for articles and prepositions, especially in phrases about university, age and travel.