In order to solve traffic problems, governments should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?
Sample Response
It is believed that the best way to solve traffic issues is by giving high rate tax for private motor vehicle owners, and the fund could be allocated for improving public transportation systems and facilities. The solution has its own positive and negative sides and the following essay will discuss them in details.
For a number of reasons, charging personal car owners with high tax rate with high tax rate and allocate the fund for improving and developing public transportation brings a lot of benefits for the society. It is undeniable that with the high tax rate, the number of car owners will gradually decrease and traffic congestion problem would slowly decline. As a result, people could commute faster work more effective and efficient and air pollution would be reduced.
Besides that, the collected tax fund could be used to improve and manage public transportation, as a lot of people would change their mode of transportation from personal cars into public transportation. For example, the government could replace all the old subway trains and buses with the new ones which consume fuel efficiently and more comfortable for passengers. Consequently, the budget for public transportation fuel could be reduced and public transportation user would feel comfort in using the facilities.
On the other hand, taxing private car owners heavily have some negative sides for the individual and the society. Firstly, many people live in areas which are not covered by public transportation, such as those who lived in rural areas or countryside. Should there be any public buses or trains that pass through that areas, the schedule might be only once or twice in a day. These people need private cars and if the tax for motorised vehicles is raised significantly then it would be a big burden and problem for them. Secondly, it is a fact that automotive industries have absorbed so many employments. As the demand for motor vehicle decreases due to the high tax rate, many automobile companies would reduce their employment number. As a consequence, the country's unemployment rate would be high.
In conclusion, the solution of charging private car owner with high vehicle tax rate to reduce traffic problems has its own benefits and drawbacks. The advantages of the solution are that people could travel faster and air pollution would be reduced. However, the disadvantages of it are that it would become a big problem for those who lived in remote areas since public transports are rarely reaching them and also cause unemployment issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tax collocation Original: giving high rate tax Suggested revision: imposing a high tax Why it matters: Impose a tax is the natural collocation.
- 2. Fixed phrase Original: the following essay will discuss them in details Suggested revision: the following essay will discuss them in detail Why it matters: In detail is the correct phrase.
- 3. Remove repetition Original: with high tax rate with high tax rate Suggested revision: with a high tax rate Why it matters: The phrase is accidentally repeated.
- 4. Parallel form Original: allocate the fund Suggested revision: allocating the funds Why it matters: This should match charging in the same noun phrase.
- 5. Missing connector Original: commute faster work more effective and efficient Suggested revision: commute faster and work more effectively and efficiently Why it matters: The sentence needs and plus adverb forms.
- 6. Parallel adjectives Original: consume fuel efficiently and more comfortable Suggested revision: consume fuel efficiently and are more comfortable Why it matters: The second description needs its own verb.
- 7. Agreement Original: taxing private car owners heavily have Suggested revision: taxing private car owners heavily has Why it matters: The gerund phrase is singular.
- 8. Wrong collocation Original: absorbed so many employments Suggested revision: created many jobs Why it matters: Create jobs is the natural expression.
- 9. Natural introduction Original: It is believed that the best way to solve traffic issues is by giving high rate tax for private motor vehicle owners, and the fund could be allocated for improving public transportation systems and facilities. Suggested revision: It is often argued that governments should solve traffic problems by imposing a high tax on private vehicle owners and using the revenue to improve public transport. Why it matters: The revised sentence uses accurate collocations and clearer wording.
- 10. Fix structure Original: For a number of reasons, charging personal car owners with high tax rate with high tax rate and allocate the fund for improving and developing public transportation brings a lot of benefits for the society. Suggested revision: For several reasons, charging private car owners a high tax and allocating the revenue to public transport could bring major benefits to society. Why it matters: The original has repetition, non-parallel grammar and word-choice problems.
- 11. Add connector Original: As a result, people could commute faster work more effective and efficient and air pollution would be reduced. Suggested revision: As a result, people could commute faster, work more effectively and efficiently, and experience less air pollution. Why it matters: The sentence needs clearer coordination and adverb forms.
- 12. Clarify disadvantage Original: Should there be any public buses or trains that pass through that areas, the schedule might be only once or twice in a day. Suggested revision: Even if buses or trains pass through those areas, they may run only once or twice a day. Why it matters: This expresses the rural-access problem more clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- giving high rate tax imposing a high tax
- the following essay will discuss them in details the following essay will discuss them in detail
- with high tax rate with high tax rate with a high tax rate
- allocate the fund allocating the funds
- commute faster work more effective and efficient commute faster and work more effectively and efficiently
- consume fuel efficiently and more comfortable consume fuel efficiently and are more comfortable
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages and gives relevant reasons. Development is clear, though some points need more precise explanation and the conclusion repeats rather than evaluates.
Add a final judgement about whether the policy is workable only in areas with reliable public transport.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and the response progresses from advantages to disadvantages. Some cohesion is mechanical and there is repetition.
Use clearer referencing and avoid repeating high tax rate and public transportation in every sentence.
Lexical Resource
Topic vocabulary is adequate, but inaccurate collocations and word forms appear frequently.
Learn accurate phrases: impose a higher tax, allocate revenue, reduce congestion, public transport users, and automotive employment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but errors with agreement, articles, and sentence structure are common.
Check every complex sentence for a complete subject-verb structure and correct singular/plural forms.