Some people opine that increasing office hour is a reason for many social and personal problems and that is why it should be reduced to 35 hours in a week. What are the advantages and disadvantages of reducing the working week to 35 hours?
Sample Response
Different social and personal problems due to overwork are arguably the most concerning dilemmas in the modern world, both for developing and industrialised countries. It is suggested by many to have a 35-hours workweek schedule, as they believe it would help diminish many overwork-related issues. This essay will give an in-depth analysis of both advantages and disadvantages of the proposed working hours. It seems reasonable that a shorter working week can boost the demand for new employment while also provide a healthier working condition. As workers are expected to work five hours less per week, the companies have to consider additional recruitment to keep up with the former productivity, thus help in lowering the unemployment quota. Moreover, studies have highlighted the importance of granting employees a greater amount of time for resting. Not only it will lead to better performance, but also improve employee satisfaction, from which the organisations can benefit a lot. On the other hand, there are bound to be pitfalls once the suggestion gets passed. Economically speaking, cutting working hours can severely hurt companies’ competitiveness in the market, since they are no longer as effective. The situation may get even worse if all firms suffer from the same problem. Prices are then likely to be raised so that the expenses can be covered. Ironically, the employees, who are also customers, turn out again to be the victims of the solution suggested. To conclude, limiting the working week to 35 hours might sound promising but there are several potential issues, which must be thoroughly addressed before the proposal could be implemented in the real world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct wording Original: Different social and personal problems due to overwork Suggested revision: Social and personal problems caused by overwork Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses the cause more directly.
- 2. Choose a natural noun Original: most concerning dilemmas Suggested revision: most concerning challenges Why it matters: ‘Challenges’ fits broad social problems more naturally than ‘dilemmas’.
- 3. Fix the preposition Original: both for developing and industrialised countries Suggested revision: in both developing and industrialised countries Why it matters: Problems occur ‘in’ countries, and ‘both’ correctly precedes the paired modifiers.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: give an in-depth analysis of Suggested revision: analyse Why it matters: The verb conveys the same meaning without unnecessary nominalisation.
- 5. Fix parallel form Original: while also provide Suggested revision: while also providing Why it matters: The verb must match the gerund structure following ‘while’.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: a healthier working condition Suggested revision: healthier working conditions Why it matters: The general workplace environment is conventionally expressed with plural ‘conditions’.
- 7. Remove extra article Original: the companies Suggested revision: companies Why it matters: The general plural noun does not need the definite article here.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: the former productivity Suggested revision: previous productivity levels Why it matters: The revision states clearly that companies aim to maintain their earlier output.
- 9. Fix participle form Original: thus help in lowering Suggested revision: thus helping to lower Why it matters: A participle is needed to express the result of the preceding clause.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: unemployment quota Suggested revision: unemployment rate Why it matters: ‘Unemployment rate’ is the standard term for the proportion without work.
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: time for resting Suggested revision: time to rest Why it matters: The infinitive phrase is the more natural expression in this context.
- 12. Use subject inversion Original: Not only it will lead Suggested revision: Not only will this lead Why it matters: A clause beginning with ‘Not only’ requires auxiliary-subject inversion.
Suggested Rewrites
- Different social and personal problems due to overwork Social and personal problems caused by overwork
- most concerning dilemmas most concerning challenges
- both for developing and industrialised countries in both developing and industrialised countries
- give an in-depth analysis of analyse
- while also provide while also providing
- a healthier working condition healthier working conditions
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a balanced and relevant account of shorter-week benefits and drawbacks, with a logical chain from employment and wellbeing to competitiveness and consumer prices. Its strongest feature is the clear development of consequences, but the absence of visible paragraph breaks and recurring grammatical slips reduce polish; separating the argument into distinct paragraphs and correcting clause patterns would improve readability and control most effectively.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed clearly, and the main points are extended through relevant cause-and-effect reasoning.
Add a little more qualification or concrete support to the economic claims so the analysis feels fully persuasive rather than largely hypothetical.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically and linking is generally effective, but presenting the entire response as one block weakens structural clarity.
Use separate introduction, advantage, disadvantage, and conclusion paragraphs so the strong progression is immediately visible to the reader.
Lexical Resource
A varied academic vocabulary communicates the argument flexibly, despite occasional awkward or imprecise collocations.
Refine phrases such as unemployment quota, former productivity, and the suggestion gets passed into more natural academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts a good range of complex forms, but errors in parallel structures, inversion, and verb patterns recur across the essay.
Correct constructions such as while also providing, thus helping, and not only will it lead so complex sentences remain consistently accurate.