Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is perceived by most countries that by developing their economy, the living standard of their people could be improved, but there are those who believe that economic growth could result in loss of social values. It is certainly true that countries with developed economies have improved their people's lives because of their advanced standard of public services such as health and education. Improved health care can improve the quality of life through treating diseases and increasing people's life expectancy. Also, increased educational standards can give the population a greater diversity of skills and literacy. This enables greater opportunity and freedom. In my knowledge, I have learned that education is seen as an important development of welfare and happiness. However, while we can obviously see the benefits of a developed economy, there are other people who perceive that this could lead to losing of social values. It means that with higher economic growth, this may result in longer hours of work. Then working parents would not have enough quality time to spend with their children. Hence, children will tend to emulate their bad influence peers and eventually involve to an antisocial activity or juvenile delinquency, for instance, the unguided young teenagers, mainly African and Caribbean Americans in New York City in the 20th century. In conclusion, I certainly believe that through developing national economy, it will give people a better quality of life. Although it could affect families negatively, this would be just a little impact compared to the many benefits it could give to its society in terms of health and educational services.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: loss of social values Suggested revision: a loss of social values Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article.
- 2. Collocation Original: advanced standard of public services Suggested revision: high standard of public services Why it matters: 'High standard' is idiomatic.
- 3. Preposition Original: through treating diseases Suggested revision: by treating diseases Why it matters: Use 'by' for means.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: greater diversity of skills Suggested revision: broader range of skills Why it matters: This is more precise.
- 5. Plural noun Original: greater opportunity Suggested revision: greater opportunities Why it matters: Multiple benefits are meant.
- 6. Wrong phrase Original: In my knowledge Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: This introduces an opinion naturally.
- 7. Wrong noun Original: development of welfare Suggested revision: source of well-being Why it matters: Education supports well-being; it is not a development of welfare.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: lead to losing of social values Suggested revision: lead to the loss of social values Why it matters: Use the noun phrase after 'lead to'.
- 9. Clear link Original: It means that Suggested revision: One possible consequence is that Why it matters: This states the relationship explicitly.
- 10. Collocation Original: emulate their bad influence peers Suggested revision: imitate peers who are a bad influence Why it matters: The original noun phrase is malformed.
- 11. Verb pattern Original: involve to an antisocial activity Suggested revision: become involved in antisocial activity Why it matters: Use 'involved in'.
- 12. Unsupported generalisation Original: African and Caribbean Americans Suggested revision: young people who lack parental guidance Why it matters: Avoid an unsupported ethnic generalisation.
Suggested Rewrites
- loss of social values a loss of social values
- advanced standard of public services high standard of public services
- through treating diseases by treating diseases
- greater diversity of skills broader range of skills
- greater opportunity greater opportunities
- In my knowledge In my view
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay answers the question with a clear view that economic development brings greater benefits, supported by relevant discussion of health, education, working hours, and family life. Development is uneven, however: the social-cost example becomes overgeneralised and some claims are weakly connected. Strengthen the comparison by explaining why the public-service gains outweigh the identified social harm, while correcting persistent collocation and sentence-structure errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position and relevant benefits and drawback are presented, but the weighing of the two sides is brief and one example is questionable.
Compare the scale and likelihood of each effect explicitly before reaffirming the judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically overall, though some sentences link loosely and the two sides are not cleanly separated.
Use distinct body paragraphs for benefits and costs, each ending with an evaluative link to the question.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, but inaccurate collocations recur.
Use natural phrases such as loss of values, broader range of skills, and become involved in antisocial behaviour.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear despite frequent article, preposition, and clause-control errors.
Check articles and avoid dangling or unclear subjects in complex sentences.