In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
In many cultures, children are often toldfrequently given the message that they can accomplish anything if they work hard enough. While this message has some advantages, it also has certain disadvantages that should be consideredmust be taken into consideration. This essay will outline both the advantages and disadvantagesdemerits of this practice.
One benefit of this messageOne benefit of this is that it can instil self-confidenceinstil a sense of self-confidence and motivation in children. When childrenyoungsters are encouraged to believe that they can achieve their goals through effort and determinationanything with effort and determination, they are more likely to persevere through difficult tasks and setbacks. This can help them develop important qualitiesskills such as resilience, self-efficacy, and a growth mindset. For instance, children who are told that they can achieve anything they set their mindsmind to may be more willing to take on new challenges, even if they are initially daunting. If a child wants to learn a new skill or take part in an activity at which they are not yet proficientparticipate in an activity that they are not yet proficient in, they may be more likely to try if they have the belief that they can eventually succeed with hard work and perseverance.
However, there are also some potential drawbacks to this message. For one, it may set unrealistic expectations for children, particularly if they are not given the necessary resources or opportunities to succeed. Additionally, if children are constantly told that they can achieve anything through hard work alone, it may lead them to overlook the role that other factors such as education, luck, privilege, and societal structures play in success. This could ultimately result in feelings of frustration, self-blame, and demotivation if they do not achieve the outcomes they desire.
In conclusion, while the message that children can achieve anything through hard work has its advantages in terms of building confidence and motivation, it is important to consider the potential drawbacks as well. It is hoped that parents and teachers would motivate young children to work hard but also take into consideration other factors that are important for success.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay fully addresses both sides with a clear progression from confidence and perseverance to unrealistic expectations and overlooked external factors. Its ideas are well supported and expressed with strong vocabulary, although the advantage paragraph repeats the same effort-and-challenge point and a few minor wording and agreement issues remain. Tighten repeated explanation and refine the small number of awkward forms while preserving the balanced analysis.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are directly addressed through relevant, well-developed explanations and a clear practical conclusion.
Make the advantage section more concise by combining the overlapping challenge and new-skill examples into one sharply developed illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced with clear paragraph purposes and cohesive links that rarely draw attention to themselves.
Reduce repetition within the advantage paragraph so each sentence advances the explanation rather than restating persistence and effort.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective terms such as ‘self-efficacy’, ‘societal structures’, and ‘self-blame’.
Prefer ‘disadvantages’ to the less natural ‘demerits’ here and use ‘set their minds to’ for plural agreement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor agreement or complementation slips.
Polish local forms such as ‘set their minds to’ and ‘it is hoped that parents and teachers will motivate’ for complete control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.