The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Sample Response
The figures illustrate the proportion of four different online retail sales categories in New Zealand in two different periods. It can be seen that the sales of film or music and books in the country had increased over the ten-year period, while travel and clothing sectors were in the opposite position.
In 2003, the online sales of travel industries in New Zealand accounted for 36% of the total sector, which was 12% higher than the clothing sector. However, over the decade, both figures had declined sharply to 29% and 16% respectively.
In the film or music category, it is noticed that the online sales figure of the sector had risen drastically by 12% to reach 33% in 2013. As for the sector of books, it had increased slightly from 19% in 2003 to 22% in 2013.
In conclusion, it is clear that between 2003 and 2013, the online sales of travel and clothing in New Zealand had dropped, while the sales of film and music and books had grown.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use sector term Original: categories Suggested revision: sectors Why it matters: The chart groups online retail sales by sector rather than by individual category.
- 2. Use simple past Original: had increased over the ten-year period Suggested revision: increased over the ten-year period Why it matters: The finished period from 2003 to 2013 calls for the simple past.
- 3. State the trend Original: were in the opposite position Suggested revision: declined Why it matters: The replacement states the contrasting downward trend directly and precisely.
- 4. Name the sector Original: industries Suggested revision: sector Why it matters: Travel is one retail sector in the chart, not a collection of industries.
- 5. Clarify the denominator Original: 36% of the total sector Suggested revision: 36% of total online retail sales Why it matters: The percentage represents travel's share of all online retail sales shown.
- 6. Use percentage points Original: 12% higher than the clothing sector Suggested revision: 12 percentage points higher than the share for clothing Why it matters: The visual compares shares of 36% and 24%, a difference of 12 percentage points.
- 7. Use simple past Original: had declined sharply Suggested revision: declined sharply Why it matters: The completed change over the stated decade should use the simple past.
- 8. Match the chart label Original: or Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The visual presents film and music as one combined sector.
- 9. Report change accurately Original: had risen drastically by 12% Suggested revision: rose by 12 percentage points Why it matters: The share moved from 21% to 33%, so the change is 12 percentage points.
- 10. Use plural shares Original: the proportion of four different online retail Suggested revision: the shares of four online retail Why it matters: Each pie slice is a separate share of the total, so the plural noun is more precise.
- 11. Name the years Original: in two different periods Suggested revision: in 2003 and 2013 Why it matters: Stating the exact years makes the scope of the comparison immediately clear.
- 12. Clarify the combined sector Original: the sales of film or music and books Suggested revision: the shares for film and music and for books Why it matters: This wording distinguishes the combined film-and-music sector from the separate books sector.
Suggested Rewrites
- categories sectors
- had increased over the ten-year period increased over the ten-year period
- were in the opposite position declined
- industries sector
- 36% of the total sector 36% of total online retail sales
- 12% higher than the clothing sector 12 percentage points higher than the share for clothing
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report's strongest feature is complete and accurate coverage of all four sectors, supported by a clear summary of which categories rose and fell. Organisation is straightforward, although the concluding paragraph largely repeats the opening overview and several expressions are awkward or imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to use natural category labels and simple past forms consistently instead of phrases such as 'opposite position' and repeated past-perfect verbs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately reports every category's 2003 and 2013 shares with relevant comparisons.
Refine the comparison by identifying film and music as the largest category in 2013 and avoiding overstated terms such as 'drastically'.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is logically divided by trend group, and referencing and progression are consistently clear despite a repetitive conclusion.
Remove the concluding repetition and let one concise overview carry the main trend summary.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for trend reporting, though phrases such as 'opposite position', 'travel industries', and 'sector of books' are unnatural.
Use precise category language such as 'the travel share', 'book sales', and 'both categories declined'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of sentence structures is controlled well overall, but past-perfect forms are repeatedly used where simple past is required.
Use simple past consistently for completed changes between 2003 and 2013 and check article use before sector names.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.