People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Advertisement is dominant in people’s daily lives nowadays, with the high frequency of people having to see the same products or services over and over again. Some people think that this phenomenon is negative because it distorts people’s perspective on life. I completely agree with this statement.
Admittedly, advertisements have certain benefits to modern lives. First of all, the purpose of a piece of advertising is to deliver essential information about a product to the public. This would assist a person in choosing a product, saving both time researching for the right product and potentially, money from overspending. Secondly, the advertising industry is getting more creative than ever, incorporating many current social issues in ads. Some people even consider advertisement nowadays as a form of entertainment, especially with commercials in forms of short movies or music videos.
However, I believe that the ubiquity of advertisement is distorting people’s perception of what is important in life. Seeing too many advertisements is thought by many experts to be the cause of excessive consumerism. People are encouraged by these ads to buy and own more stuff than needed. One consequence of this indulgence in buying new things is that people are buying more. They are also throwing out more stuff than ever, causing a burden on the environment. Another consequence of this phenomenon is that it makes younger generations become more superficial and only care about owning whatever’s considered popular.
In conclusion, although advertisement can introduce many benefits to its audience, I still think that the oversaturation of advertising can bring negative impacts on individuals and society as a whole.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: Advertisement is dominant Suggested revision: Advertising is pervasive Why it matters: Advertising names the activity, while pervasive naturally describes its widespread presence.
- 2. Fix clause structure Original: with the high frequency of people having to see Suggested revision: because people frequently have to see Why it matters: The revision replaces an awkward with-phrase with a clear causal clause.
- 3. Match plural possessor Original: perspective Suggested revision: perspectives Why it matters: The plural possessive people’s normally refers to multiple individual perspectives here.
- 4. Fix collocation Original: benefits to modern lives Suggested revision: benefits for modern life Why it matters: Benefits for and modern life form the natural collocation in this context.
- 5. Use concise noun Original: a piece of advertising Suggested revision: an advertisement Why it matters: An advertisement is the direct countable term for one promotional item.
- 6. Fix verb pattern Original: time researching for the right product Suggested revision: time spent searching for the right product Why it matters: Spend time is followed by an -ing form, and search for is the correct verb pattern.
- 7. Clarify the saving Original: potentially, money from overspending Suggested revision: potentially money by preventing overspending Why it matters: The revision makes clear that avoiding overspending is how money is saved.
- 8. Use activity noun Original: advertisement Suggested revision: advertising Why it matters: Advertising is the appropriate uncountable noun for the industry’s content in general.
- 9. Fix fixed phrase Original: in forms of short movies Suggested revision: in the form of short movies Why it matters: The fixed expression is in the form of, even when examples follow.
- 10. Use general noun Original: advertisement Suggested revision: advertising Why it matters: Advertising is the natural uncountable noun for the phenomenon as a whole.
- 11. Supply the subject Original: more stuff than needed Suggested revision: more items than they need Why it matters: The comparison needs an explicit subject and verb to show who needs the items.
- 12. Remove double causative Original: makes younger generations become Suggested revision: makes younger generations Why it matters: Make already takes an object followed directly by an adjective, so become is redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- Advertisement is dominant Advertising is pervasive
- with the high frequency of people having to see because people frequently have to see
- perspective perspectives
- benefits to modern lives benefits for modern life
- a piece of advertising an advertisement
- time researching for the right product time spent searching for the right product
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear position, progresses logically, and uses a suitably broad vocabulary to explain how pervasive advertising can encourage consumerism and superficial values. The main limitation is that some supporting points, especially the effects on younger people and the benefits of advertising, are asserted more than fully developed, while recurring noun-form and collocation slips reduce polish. The priority is to deepen the central negative argument with more precise causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is addressed with a clear, consistent position and relevant ideas, though parts of the argument could be explored in greater depth.
Explain more fully how repeated exposure changes priorities and affects lives, using one developed illustration rather than several brief assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically organized into well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader clearly despite some repetition.
Reduce repeated wording and make the progression within the main negative paragraph more economical and cumulative.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and appropriate for the topic, with occasional awkward collocations and inconsistent use of advertisement and advertising.
Use the uncountable form advertising for the industry or activity and reserve an advertisement for an individual item.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex sentences is used with generally strong control, although article, number, and phrasing errors occur occasionally.
Proofread noun phrases for countability and article agreement, particularly forms such as advertisements, modern life, and forms of entertainment.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.