In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Rural-to-urban migration, in many countries around the world, is leading to a decline in the countryside's population. In my opinion, this constitutes a negative development with far-reaching implications. As rural areas depopulate, the social fabric weakens, vital agricultural practices diminish, and urban centres face overpopulation challenges.
One significant reason why the decreasing population in rural areas is a negative trend is the adverse impact it has on the social structure of communities. As people move to cities seeking better opportunities, rural areas lose their sense of close-knit community and shared values. This can lead to increased feelings of isolation and detachment among those who remain, as well as reduced social cohesion. For example, traditional farming communities that once thrived on collective efforts are now disrupted, weakening the support systems that were once the backbone of these societies.
Another key concern associated with the declining population in rural areas is the potential loss of vital agricultural practices and knowledge. As young people migrate to cities in search of education and employment, there is a risk of traditional farming methods and indigenous knowledge being abandoned. This trend could lead to a significant reduction in agricultural productivity and the abandonment of sustainable practices. For instance, the departure of skilled farmers could result in land degradation and a reliance on imported food, negatively impacting both the rural and urban populations.
In conclusion, the migration of rural populations to cities, resulting in a decline in the countryside's inhabitants, is undoubtedly a negative development. To address this issue, governments and policymakers must focus on promoting balanced regional development, providing incentives for young people to stay in rural areas, and preserving the cultural heritage and sustainable practices that are integral to rural life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove repeated context Original: in many countries around the world, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This location phrase repeats information already established by the task and can be omitted for a more direct opening.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: countryside's Suggested revision: rural Why it matters: The replacement expresses population change more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Choose precise verb Original: diminish Suggested revision: disappear Why it matters: Practices can disappear or decline in use, whereas diminish is less natural with this subject.
- 4. Use concise term Original: the decreasing population in rural areas Suggested revision: rural depopulation Why it matters: The concise noun phrase avoids repeating population and rural areas.
- 5. Simplify noun phrase Original: the adverse impact it has Suggested revision: its adverse impact Why it matters: The possessive form removes an unnecessarily heavy relative structure.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: lose their sense of close-knit community Suggested revision: lose their close-knit character Why it matters: Close-knit character is a more natural way to describe the weakening nature of a community.
- 7. Use natural modifier Original: increased Suggested revision: greater Why it matters: Greater collocates more naturally with feelings of isolation and detachment.
- 8. Use uncountable form Original: efforts Suggested revision: effort Why it matters: Effort is more natural as an uncountable noun when referring to communal cooperation generally.
- 9. Clarify ongoing change Original: are now disrupted Suggested revision: are now being disrupted Why it matters: The progressive passive better conveys a disruption that is currently unfolding.
- 10. Use consistent term Original: the countryside's inhabitants Suggested revision: the rural population Why it matters: Rural population is more concise and consistent with the terminology used throughout the response.
Suggested Rewrites
- in many countries around the world, Delete
- countryside's rural
- diminish disappear
- the decreasing population in rural areas rural depopulation
- the adverse impact it has its adverse impact
- lose their sense of close-knit community lose their close-knit character
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a consistently clear position and develops two relevant consequences of rural depopulation with focused explanations and plausible examples. Its main limitation is that the promised urban overpopulation point is never developed, while the concluding policy recommendations take space from deeper analysis of the stated effects. The highest-priority improvement is to develop every main claim introduced in the thesis or omit it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative position is sustained through two well-developed and relevant arguments, although one consequence announced in the introduction is not explored.
Either develop the urban overpopulation claim in a body paragraph or remove it and use the conclusion to synthesize the analysed consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Strengthen whole-essay unity by ensuring the thesis forecasts exactly the points that the body develops.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective expressions such as social cohesion, indigenous knowledge, and balanced regional development.
Refine a few slightly formulaic or broad phrases by choosing wording that states the precise causal relationship in each argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is handled accurately, and minor imperfections do not impede meaning.
Continue refining concision in long sentences so that embedded clauses remain as direct and controlled as the shorter statements.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.