People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today’s consumer-driven world, advertising infiltrates nearly every aspect of our lives—from social media feeds to public spaces. I strongly agree that this constant exposure not only influences people’s perception of what matters but also has detrimental effects on their well-being and values.
Firstly, advertising shapes people’s priorities by promoting materialism and unrealistic standards. Luxury brands, for instance, often associate success with expensive products, making people believe that owning such items is the key to happiness or social acceptance. As a result, individuals may prioritise wealth and appearance over meaningful aspects like personal growth or relationships.
Furthermore, constant advertising fosters dissatisfaction and impulsive spending. People are frequently made to feel inadequate unless they purchase the latest gadgets, clothes, or beauty products. This relentless push to consume leads to financial strain, especially among younger generations who are more vulnerable to persuasive marketing techniques.
Admittedly, advertising has a role in informing consumers about new products or services. However, this informative function has been overshadowed by manipulative tactics designed to exploit emotions and desires, often to the detriment of mental health and genuine life satisfaction.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the pervasive nature of advertising distorts what people consider valuable and contributes negatively to society by promoting superficiality and excessive consumerism.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Refine the verb Original: infiltrates Suggested revision: pervades Why it matters: Pervades expresses widespread presence more precisely in this formal context.
- 2. Use plural agreement Original: perception Suggested revision: perceptions Why it matters: The plural noun better matches the reference to people as multiple individuals.
- 3. Streamline the transition Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: The shorter sequencing adverb is more concise while preserving the paragraph link.
- 4. Use formal exemplification Original: meaningful aspects like personal growth or relationships Suggested revision: meaningful aspects such as personal growth or relationships Why it matters: Such as is a more precise formal marker for the examples in this essay.
- 5. Clarify the exposure Original: constant advertising fosters Suggested revision: constant exposure to advertising fosters Why it matters: The revision makes clear that repeated exposure produces the stated effects.
- 6. Refer to people Original: younger generations who are more vulnerable Suggested revision: younger people, who are more vulnerable Why it matters: People, rather than generations, are the direct recipients of marketing techniques.
- 7. Improve the collocation Original: has Suggested revision: plays Why it matters: Plays a role is the standard collocation for describing this function.
- 8. Use a current tense Original: has been overshadowed by manipulative tactics Suggested revision: is often overshadowed by manipulative tactics Why it matters: The present tense fits the essay's general claim, while often avoids making it absolute.
- 9. Choose natural wording Original: genuine Suggested revision: overall Why it matters: Overall collocates more naturally with life satisfaction in this context.
- 10. Use a direct verb Original: contributes negatively to society Suggested revision: harms society Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the negative effect more concisely and naturally.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: People are frequently made to feel inadequate unless they purchase the latest gadgets, clothes, or beauty products. Suggested revision: Advertising frequently makes people feel inadequate if they do not purchase the latest gadgets, clothes, or beauty products. Why it matters: The active structure makes the cause explicit and clarifies the condition.
Suggested Rewrites
- infiltrates pervades
- perception perceptions
- Firstly First
- meaningful aspects like personal growth or relationships meaningful aspects such as personal growth or relationships
- constant advertising fosters constant exposure to advertising fosters
- younger generations who are more vulnerable younger people, who are more vulnerable
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is notably fluent and well organised, with a consistent position and precise language used to explain materialism, dissatisfaction, and impulsive spending. Its principal limitation is the restricted development caused by the short length, as several claims remain broadly asserted rather than explored with specific consequences or evidence. The priority is to extend each central idea with a concrete illustration and deeper explanation while preserving the current focus.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and relevant main ideas, but its below-minimum length limits depth of development.
Add specific evidence or a fuller causal explanation to each main argument so the response reaches the expected length substantively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without drawing undue attention.
Strengthen the connection between the two main negative effects by showing how distorted priorities can lead to dissatisfaction and spending.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and well controlled, including effective expressions for materialism, manipulation, and consumer behaviour.
Extend the lexical range further through more specific language for the social and psychological consequences of pervasive advertising.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and naturally, with punctuation and sentence control consistently supporting clarity.
Maintain this accuracy while adding more elaborated supporting sentences and varied forms of causal explanation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.