As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today, some claim that businesses should also have social obligations. While I acknowledge that the primary purpose of any company is to generate profits, businesses should also make social contributions within their sphere of influence.
On the one hand, it seems logical that the primary objective of companies engaged in a free market should be to achieve sound financial health. Every form of organization incurs expenditures. Office space, legal costs, payroll, company credit cards, and other institutional expenditures may rise exponentially. According to the U.S. Small Business Administration, the average cost to establish a micro-business is approximately $3,000, whereas the estimated cost to initiate a home-based franchise is almost $5,000. In addition to these one-time fees, utilities and other recurring expenses must also be paid periodically. Without being realistic about a startup's financial flow and debt, the owner will be unable to operate. In these situations, the societal obligations of a company become obsolete.
On the other hand, there is no distinction between individuals and businesses regarding their ethical responsibilities. Given that social evils are solvable, businesses should share equal accountability with governments for society's betterment. For instance, the Vietnamese YouTube channel "Quang Linh Vlogs" has received enthusiastic support from both Vietnamese and Angolans. In the recordings, Linh and his team instruct local Angolans on how to grow vegetables and raise livestock. Linh also launched a social project to assist 5,000 underprivileged children in school by renovating and equipping classrooms. They proved that it is more humanitarian for businesses to contribute to society than to maximize revenue.
In conclusion, although I agree that making money is the top priority for businesses, they should also make social contributions within their reasonable purview.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: engaged Suggested revision: operating Why it matters: Companies normally 'operate' rather than are 'engaged' in a market.
- 2. Avoid imprecise exaggeration Original: may rise exponentially Suggested revision: can be substantial Why it matters: 'Exponentially' describes a specific growth pattern that is not established here.
- 3. Choose a natural verb Original: initiate Suggested revision: start Why it matters: 'Start' is the natural verb for establishing this type of business.
- 4. Use the broader term Original: fees Suggested revision: costs Why it matters: The preceding figures describe start-up costs rather than necessarily formal fees.
- 5. Remove redundant adverb Original: must also be paid periodically Suggested revision: must also be paid Why it matters: 'Recurring expenses' already conveys that the payments happen periodically.
- 6. Use business terminology Original: financial Suggested revision: cash Why it matters: 'Cash flow' is the established term for money moving into and out of a business.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: social evils are solvable Suggested revision: social problems can be addressed Why it matters: 'Social evils' is overly charged and 'solvable' overstates the certainty of a solution.
- 8. Clarify shared responsibility Original: share equal accountability with governments for society's betterment Suggested revision: share responsibility with governments for improving society Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended shared obligation more naturally and directly.
- 9. Make nouns parallel Original: both Vietnamese and Angolans Suggested revision: both Vietnamese people and Angolans Why it matters: 'Vietnamese' functions as an adjective here and needs a noun to parallel 'Angolans'.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In these situations, the societal obligations of a company become obsolete. Suggested revision: In such circumstances, a company's social obligations may need to take lower priority. Why it matters: 'Obsolete' incorrectly suggests that social obligations cease to exist rather than becoming less urgent.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Linh also launched a social project to assist 5,000 underprivileged children in school by renovating and equipping classrooms. Suggested revision: Linh also launched a social project to support 5,000 underprivileged schoolchildren by renovating and equipping classrooms. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the ambiguous attachment of 'in school' and uses a more natural verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- engaged operating
- may rise exponentially can be substantial
- initiate start
- fees costs
- must also be paid periodically must also be paid
- financial cash
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a clear, qualified position and develops both commercial necessity and social responsibility with relevant, specific support. Its main limitation is that the first body paragraph spends too much space listing operating costs and ends with an overstrong claim that weakens the stated balance. The highest-priority improvement is to connect financial viability more directly to the realistic scope and timing of a company’s social duties.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question with a clear qualified view and develops both sides, though the claim that social obligations become obsolete is insufficiently nuanced.
Relate the financial examples more explicitly to when and how businesses can reasonably undertake social responsibilities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the contrasting considerations.
Trim the extended list of business expenses so the first body paragraph retains sharper argumentative focus.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and generally precise, with effective topic language, although a few combinations sound overstated or unnatural.
Choose more measured, idiomatic wording for claims about rising costs, financial position, and social problems.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex sentence forms is used accurately, with strong control of punctuation and only minor lapses.
Maintain this control while checking reference and number consistency in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.