As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that businesses should bear some responsibility to society in addition to making profits. I personaly agree with this viewpoint as I believe that without such responsibilities, private companies can cause too much harm to people and the planet for the sake of money.
On the one hand, it is essential for businesses to generate profits in order to survive in today’s competitive markets. Firstly, the primary objective of any firm should be to deal with the company's day to day running costs, including staff salaries, property rental fees, and other necessary expenses. Any social responsibility would be meaningless, if a company is unable to cover its basic expenses to supply their products or services to the public. Secondly, profits are also required to be reinvested back into the company in order for improvements and innovations to be successful. In other words, an enterprise must be in good financial health before it can make any positive contribution to society.
On the other hand, there are several compelling reasons why businesses should also give back to the societies in which they operate. The chief reason among these is that companies need to be concerned about the detrimental effects that their operations may be having on the environment. Furthermore, by contributing to society, businesses can enhance their image, which in the long term may also enhance their business sales. Donating to local charities, educational programs or environmental projects are practical contributions that firms can make to both fulfill their social duties and promote their image among citizens and residents.
In conclusion, while making profits should be prioritized, it is also important to consider the social contribution.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct spelling Original: personaly Suggested revision: personally Why it matters: The adverb personally requires a double l.
- 2. Use precise cost verb Original: deal with Suggested revision: cover Why it matters: Cover is the more precise verb for paying operating costs.
- 3. Remove unnecessary comma Original: meaningless, if Suggested revision: meaningless if Why it matters: A comma should not separate the main clause from this essential conditional clause.
- 4. Match singular company Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The possessive pronoun must agree with the singular noun company.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: reinvested back Suggested revision: reinvested Why it matters: The prefix re- already expresses the meaning of back.
- 6. State the purpose directly Original: for improvements and innovations to be successful Suggested revision: to fund improvements and innovations Why it matters: The revision states clearly what the reinvested profits enable.
- 7. Avoid redundant wording Original: business sales Suggested revision: sales Why it matters: Sales already refers to a business's commercial activity in this context.
- 8. Fix subject verb agreement Original: Donating to local charities, educational programs or environmental projects are Suggested revision: Donations to local charities, educational programs, or environmental projects are Why it matters: Changing the gerund subject to the plural noun donations makes it agree with are.
- 9. Use general plural Original: the social contribution Suggested revision: social contributions Why it matters: The general idea requires a plural noun without the definite article.
- 10. Use concise responsibility phrase Original: bear some responsibility to society Suggested revision: take social responsibility Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more directly and naturally.
- 11. Use formal wording Original: too much harm Suggested revision: substantial harm Why it matters: Substantial is more precise and appropriately formal in an academic essay.
- 12. Use concise cost term Original: property rental fees Suggested revision: rent Why it matters: Rent is the standard and more concise term for this operating cost.
Suggested Rewrites
- personaly personally
- deal with cover
- meaningless, if meaningless if
- their its
- reinvested back reinvested
- for improvements and innovations to be successful to fund improvements and innovations
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is well focused, logically organised, and supported with relevant explanations of why financial stability and social responsibility can coexist. Its main limitation is that some claims remain general and the conclusion does not fully restate the qualified position developed in the body. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen the final position and support the environmental and social arguments with more precise cause-and-effect detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear agreement, addresses both commercial necessity and social responsibility, and develops relevant supporting reasons.
Make the qualified degree of agreement explicit in the conclusion and deepen one social-responsibility example with a concrete outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used effectively throughout.
Use a slightly less formulaic transition between the two body arguments while preserving their clear logical relationship.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports the argument, although a few spelling errors and awkward collocations remain.
Refine phrases such as business sales and social contribution into more natural expressions such as revenue and contributions to society.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is used with good control, though several minor agreement, pronoun, and punctuation errors occur.
Check agreement and reference carefully in longer sentences, especially when shifting between a singular company and plural pronouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.