Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
With the technological advancements in the banking system, nowadays people are presented with numerous ways of paying for purchases. It is often said that electronically operated banking cards will displace the use of paper money and coins. However, I don’t believe that modern payment methods will take over completely from traditional banknotes and coins. There are various advantages of modern monetary exchange. Firstly, it is now increasingly common for people to shop online where they cannot use paper money and coins to pay. Thus, people eventually embrace the modern method of payment to be able to participate in online commerce. Secondly, the security features of credit cards and online method of monetary exchange give authorities the capability of tracing the use of the cards. However, if the person carrying money is robbed then it is difficult to find out where the stolen money is used. Furthermore, the safety features of modern monetary exchange will be invaluable for people who want to keep their hard-earned money safe. Even though electronic cards have brought tremendous comforts and convenience to people, these cannot entirely replace the traditional money exchange. Paper money and metal coins have long been used as a medium of exchange and a standard of value in almost all societies. Thus, the traditional monetary system has a cultural, historical and social background which are impossible to change. Internet banking is not always fully secured. There is ample evidence of computer viruses, hackers and crimes. Humans have developed a certain emotional bonding with paper money and coins. Coin collectors, for example, will inevitably get hurt after entire replacement of traditional money and coins. In conclusion, the modern monetary exchange has certainly benefited people by bringing convenience and avoiding certain problems from using paper money and coins.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise collocation Original: With the technological advancements Suggested revision: With technological advances Why it matters: 'Technological advances' is the more concise and natural collocation in this context.
- 2. Add introductory comma Original: nowadays people Suggested revision: nowadays, people Why it matters: The introductory adverb should be separated from the main clause by a comma.
- 3. Use standard term Original: electronically operated banking cards Suggested revision: electronic bank cards Why it matters: 'Electronic bank cards' is a clearer and more conventional term.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: take over completely from Suggested revision: completely replace Why it matters: 'Replace' directly expresses displacement and avoids the awkward phrasal construction.
- 5. Fix developing trend Original: people eventually embrace Suggested revision: people are increasingly embracing Why it matters: The present progressive better matches a trend that is currently developing.
- 6. Use plural reference Original: the modern method of payment Suggested revision: modern methods of payment Why it matters: The plural form matches the several modern payment options discussed.
- 7. Fix parallel noun phrase Original: credit cards and online method of monetary exchange Suggested revision: credit cards and online payment methods Why it matters: The coordinated phrase needs a natural plural noun alongside 'credit cards'.
- 8. Use concise phrasing Original: capability of tracing Suggested revision: ability to trace Why it matters: 'Ability to trace' is more direct and idiomatic than the noun-heavy construction.
- 9. Correct collocation Original: tremendous comforts and convenience Suggested revision: considerable comfort and convenience Why it matters: 'Comfort' is uncountable here, and 'considerable' collocates naturally with both nouns.
- 10. Use adjective form Original: secured Suggested revision: secure Why it matters: The sentence describes the state of internet banking, so the adjective 'secure' is required.
- 11. Use concise terminology Original: ways of paying for purchases Suggested revision: payment options Why it matters: 'Payment options' expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 12. Clarify payment concept Original: advantages of modern monetary exchange Suggested revision: advantages of modern payment methods Why it matters: 'Payment methods' is clearer and more conventional than 'monetary exchange' here.
Suggested Rewrites
- With the technological advancements With technological advances
- nowadays people nowadays, people
- electronically operated banking cards electronic bank cards
- take over completely from completely replace
- people eventually embrace people are increasingly embracing
- the modern method of payment modern methods of payment
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly contrasts the convenience and traceability of electronic payments with reasons cash may persist, and its argument generally progresses in a logical direction. The main limitation is that some supporting claims are broad or unconvincing, while the conclusion does not reaffirm the stated disagreement. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the strongest counterarguments in greater depth and close with an explicit, consistent judgment on the prospect of a cashless society.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the prediction and its claimed benefits with a clear initial position and relevant arguments on both sides.
Strengthen the reasons cash will remain and restate the precise extent of disagreement in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move clearly from electronic-payment benefits to counterarguments, though connective use is somewhat mechanical and paragraphing is not visible.
Use distinct body paragraphs and make the relationship between security risks, cultural value, and the final judgment more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Use more precise combinations for payment methods, online banking security, convenience, and the replacement of cash.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally controlled and meaning remains clear, despite occasional agreement and form errors.
Check agreement in longer noun phrases and revise awkward passive or prepositional constructions before finalizing the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.