Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
As we know consumer behaviour has changed remarkably by the use of plastic cards like debit cards credit cards and such tremendous changes have completely affected our daily life. It is likely that we will no longer use paper money in near future and will create a friendly and safer cashless society. I partially agree with this perspective.
On the one hand, I totally accept that the development of credit cards and debit cards benefits people a lot. We can easily sum up bills in one payment, efficiently manage accounts and even pick up a luxury handbag or any other product from an overseas website and pay online. There are also extra services which are provided by credit card companies such as payment insurance, protections of shopping etc. Due to the fact, people get used to plastic money which impulsive several companies like Apple and Alibaba to develop further virtual payment such as the mobile wallet. Finally, this trend will lead us to a new generation of cashless society.
On the other hand, the forms of money had transited in our human history several times, from shells, rare metal to plastic money, and now we are still in the period of transition. No one can promise a cashless society will make our payment safer and completely better for the individual. There is a good amount of coverage and news reveal that some people do not revolve their credit and overuse credit card. Furthermore, credit card fraud can happen in several ways, and it is difficult for people to prevent it by themselves or even deal with it. Thus, a cashless society may not equal to a well-protected or more suitable world for everyone.
In conclusion, it seems to me that plastic money improves our life and a society without cash will be coming soon. However, I doubt that there will be much higher in quality and harmless for ordinary people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: As we know consumer behaviour Suggested revision: As we know, consumer behaviour Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory phrase from the main clause.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: changed remarkably by the use Suggested revision: changed significantly through the use Why it matters: “Through the use” expresses the means of change more naturally here.
- 3. Join list items Original: debit cards credit cards Suggested revision: debit cards and credit cards Why it matters: The two list items require a coordinating conjunction.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive “our” normally refers to the separate lives of multiple people.
- 5. Clarify payment action Original: sum up bills in one payment Suggested revision: pay multiple bills in a single transaction Why it matters: “Sum up bills” means calculate totals rather than pay them.
- 6. Use precise verb Original: pick up a luxury handbag Suggested revision: purchase a luxury handbag Why it matters: “Purchase” precisely describes buying an item from an overseas website.
- 7. Correct service term Original: protections of shopping Suggested revision: purchase protection Why it matters: “Purchase protection” is the standard noun phrase for this card service.
- 8. Fix linking phrase Original: Due to the fact, Suggested revision: As a result, Why it matters: “Due to the fact” cannot stand alone as a result linker.
- 9. Show ongoing change Original: people get used to plastic money Suggested revision: people are becoming accustomed to card payments Why it matters: The progressive form is needed for the ongoing change described in this sentence.
- 10. Correct verb form Original: which impulsive several companies Suggested revision: which has prompted several companies Why it matters: “Impulsive” is an adjective, while the relative clause requires a verb.
- 11. Use plural collocation Original: further virtual payment Suggested revision: additional digital payment methods Why it matters: The sentence refers to multiple payment methods, and “digital” is the clearer term.
- 12. Correct social phrase Original: a new generation of cashless society Suggested revision: a new era of cashless transactions Why it matters: “Generation of society” is not a natural collocation for describing this transition.
Suggested Rewrites
- As we know consumer behaviour As we know, consumer behaviour
- changed remarkably by the use changed significantly through the use
- debit cards credit cards debit cards and credit cards
- life lives
- sum up bills in one payment pay multiple bills in a single transaction
- pick up a luxury handbag purchase a luxury handbag
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear qualified position and supports it with relevant benefits and risks of cashless payment. Its main limitation is that several points remain general or awkwardly expressed, which weakens precision and development despite a logical overall structure. The highest priority is to explain each key claim more specifically while using accurate collocations and controlled sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both convenience and safety and maintains a clear partial-agreement position, though some supporting points are asserted rather than fully explained.
Develop each main claim with a more specific explanation or example showing exactly how it supports the qualified position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and contrasting progression are clear, although some linking and sentence-to-sentence references are mechanical or imprecise.
Use clearer logical references between claims and reduce formulaic transitions so that each paragraph develops more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Prioritise natural combinations such as manage debt, drive companies to innovate, and provide consumer protection.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms conveys the main meaning, but recurring article, agreement, verb-form, and sentence-structure errors remain noticeable.
Edit complex sentences for complete clause structure and check articles, subject-verb agreement, and verb forms systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.