Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The world has seen an elevation in the levels of crime over the last few decades. The overall degree and nature of crime have also worsened to a point where the general safety of no one can be guaranteed. The potential solution to this problem has been a dilemma for quite some time now. Many believe that laws should be made more stringent whereas others surmise that even tighter laws will do little benefit. I am a strong supporter of the latter belief. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the topic from both perspectives and justify my views with relevant examples.
As we all know, today expenditure on the correctional facilities for rehabilitation of criminals is a serious task for the authorities. A majority of the public believes that the treatment of offenders should be even harsher so that a fear of punishment is instilled among potential lawbreakers. Moreover, even petty thieves are known to have shown improvement in actions after being incarcerated for a short amount of time. Thus, in order to bring about a change in the nature of criminals on a mass scale, the expense on correctional institutions is mandatory.
That being said, a large segment of the population also does not put stock in the notion that correctional services have a significant impact on the mind of a felon in a positive way. Since the way of life behind bars is immensely different from civilian life, some feel that such rough experiences further damage the psyche of an individual, driving them to do greater damage to society. Therefore, once a person resorts to lawbreaking, they fall prey to a vicious cycle that is difficult to break out of and be part of society again.
To sum up, there is a need for government intervention for the correction of offensive conduct and misdemeanour. Although there will be instances of crime no matter how strictly the laws are devised, it is important to spread a sense of security among the citizens.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: an elevation in the levels of crime Suggested revision: an increase in crime levels Why it matters: Elevation is not the natural noun for a rise in crime.
- 2. Choose the right noun Original: degree Suggested revision: severity Why it matters: Severity accurately describes how serious crime has become.
- 3. Correct the meaning Original: The potential solution to this problem has been a dilemma Suggested revision: Finding a solution to this problem has been a challenge Why it matters: A solution itself is not a dilemma, whereas finding one can be challenging.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: laws should be made more stringent Suggested revision: laws should be made stricter Why it matters: Stricter is the more direct and natural comparative here.
- 5. Correct verb pattern Original: even tighter laws will do little benefit Suggested revision: even tighter laws will be of little benefit Why it matters: Benefit requires the construction be of benefit in this context.
- 6. State the view directly Original: a strong supporter of the latter belief Suggested revision: strongly in favour of the latter view Why it matters: This phrasing is more direct and idiomatic in an academic argument.
- 7. Keep number consistent Original: views Suggested revision: view Why it matters: The introduction states one position, so the singular noun is required.
- 8. Remove conversational filler Original: As we all know, today Suggested revision: Today, Why it matters: The appeal to shared knowledge is unnecessary and overly conversational.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: the correctional facilities Suggested revision: correctional facilities Why it matters: The plural noun refers to facilities generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 10. Add the article Original: for rehabilitation of criminals Suggested revision: for the rehabilitation of offenders Why it matters: Rehabilitation needs the definite article in this noun phrase.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: task Suggested revision: responsibility Why it matters: Expenditure is a responsibility or concern rather than a task.
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: so that a fear of punishment Suggested revision: so that fear of punishment Why it matters: Fear is used uncountably when referring to the general deterrent effect.
Suggested Rewrites
- an elevation in the levels of crime an increase in crime levels
- degree severity
- The potential solution to this problem has been a dilemma Finding a solution to this problem has been a challenge
- laws should be made more stringent laws should be made stricter
- even tighter laws will do little benefit even tighter laws will be of little benefit
- a strong supporter of the latter belief strongly in favour of the latter view
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is coherently organised and demonstrates a strong ability to construct complex sentences and discuss opposing perspectives. Its main limitation is task focus: the discussion narrows crime prevention to punishment and correctional facilities, while the stated support for the view that little can be done becomes inconsistent in the conclusion. The priority is to compare the two precise positions directly and sustain one clear opinion throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are considered, but the discussion is narrowly framed around correctional treatment and the writer's final position is inconsistent.
Address preventive action versus its limitations explicitly and restate the same clear opinion in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraph sequence, and the contrasting viewpoints are linked smoothly.
Make the conclusion follow directly from the two body arguments rather than introducing a partly conflicting recommendation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often sophisticated, although several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as do little benefit and improvement in actions with more natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and generally accurate, with only occasional awkward constructions that do not impede meaning.
Improve control of articles, prepositions, and parallel phrasing in the few cumbersome sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.