Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some opine that females are asequally adept as men in playing important roles in a country's police or armed forcesa country's police or defence force, others beg to disagree. This essay will discuss both views and argueopine that the roles of women in these sectors are definitely crucial and they are no less qualified than men in performing their duties.
On the one hand, some believe that females are not suitable to perform their duties in the police force or army due to the difficult working conditionsdifficult job situations and challenges those jobs pose and therefore they should not be accepted in those jobs. They cite the perceived physical limitationsdelicate physical structures and gentle nature of womenkind nature of females. In addition, they point out that women are emotionally sensitiveemotionally women are tender and cannot make difficult decisionstake harsh decisions that are often required in such jobs. For instance, a woman could outperform menexcel over men in teaching schoolchildrenteaching children in school or taking care of patients in a hospital as a doctor but when it comes to fighting and killing enemies on the battlefieldin a battleground, that might not go well with women's natural abilities and gentle naturetheir natural capability and tender nature. This is why they are against enrolling women in such positions.
On the other hand, others argue that both men and women should be equally accepted in a nation's defence force as they have the same capabilities and talentssame capability and talent to perform these jobs. They keep arguing that having both genders in the police force can promotemaintain social justice far better than the policy in which a country has all-male police. This is because a female officer can deal with a female criminal or victim more effectively than a male officer cana woman can deal with a female criminal or victim than their male counterpart. They can also bring a diverse range of talentsa diversity of talents to the defence forces. As a prime example, British female defence officers were extremely successful in exposing the Germans' schemes in World War II. Had they not been allowedHad they been not allowed to participate in the army plans, the fate of the war could have been different.
In conclusion, while some may think that females cannot become suitable police or army personnel, and therefore should not be hired in these fields, others have compelling reasons to agree to hire them in those sectors. Personally, I believe that having both genders in a country's police and defence forces has far greater benefits and therefore should be promoted.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both perspectives clearly, maintains a firm opinion, and develops each side with relevant reasoning and examples. Its main weakness is imprecision in several claims and expressions, including broad gender generalisations and awkward comparisons, which reduce the authority of an otherwise well-organised argument. The highest-priority improvement is to frame the evidence more objectively and edit complex sentences for precise comparison, reference, and word order.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed, the writer's position is consistently clear, and the main ideas receive relevant explanation and examples.
Replace broad assumptions about gender with more objective, carefully qualified evidence to make the discussion more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure supports clear progression, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the contrasting views.
Tighten a few long sentences and clarify pronoun references so that every relationship between ideas is immediately transparent.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, although repetition and several awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Use more exact, neutral wording and revise combinations such as comparisons and job-related expressions for natural collocation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, but occasional errors in comparison, pronoun agreement, and word order remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for complete comparative forms, consistent reference, and natural auxiliary placement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.