Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The popularity of crime today has made people stay indoors for self-protection. While it is a common belief that reducing the crime rate is a nearly impossible mission, I hold the view that there are certain measures which can convert the world into a safer place to live in.
On the one hand, many people argue that in such current era of moral decadence, any attempts to prevent crime would turn out to be a failure. Poverty and unemployment are considered chief precursors to law violation, and only when these two social issues are eliminated will crime disappear. However, it is true that a society can only provide a limited number of jobs for its residents, and those who are not lucky enough to receive good education from childhood would find it difficult to pursue a career to make ends meet. Such individuals are lack of both skills and orientation, and from their perspective, becoming a thief might be a better way to survive compared to unstably living on governmental subsidies or performing menial work. It seems that the root of this problem cannot be solved completely, and this is why how to halt law-breaking may remain as an insurmountable question for the government.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that there are still solutions to maintain criminal justice. Firstly, stricter sets of laws are required, and the penalties should be corresponding to the severity of the wrongdoings. In a variety of countries, such as the United Kingdom or Italy, the capital punishment has been abandoned; but I believe it should be reintroduced as the fear of death may deter the potential offenders and stop them from committing serious crime. Secondly, the government should encourage companies and organizations to expand and run more projects. These actions create jobs; therefore, those who live under the poverty line not only do not have to become pickpockets or burglars for survival but also stand a chance to earn a living with their own clean money.
In conclusion, I believe that the aforementioned measures can create more peaceful communities and ensure the safety of the residents.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct collocation Original: popularity Suggested revision: prevalence Why it matters: 'Prevalence' describes how widespread crime is, whereas 'popularity' suggests approval or appeal.
- 2. Fix determiner phrase Original: such Suggested revision: the Why it matters: 'Such' cannot modify this noun phrase in the form used here.
- 3. Use natural term Original: law violation Suggested revision: lawbreaking Why it matters: 'Lawbreaking' is the natural general term for criminal conduct in this context.
- 4. Add article Original: receive good education Suggested revision: receive a good education Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'education' requires an article in this phrase.
- 5. Correct verb form Original: are lack of Suggested revision: lack Why it matters: 'Lack' functions directly as a verb and does not take 'are'.
- 6. Choose clearer noun Original: orientation Suggested revision: guidance Why it matters: 'Guidance' more clearly expresses the support or direction these individuals lack.
- 7. Use natural adverb placement Original: unstably living Suggested revision: living precariously Why it matters: 'Precariously' naturally describes an insecure way of living.
- 8. Clarify intended meaning Original: solutions to maintain criminal justice Suggested revision: ways to maintain public safety Why it matters: The paragraph discusses preventing crime and protecting people rather than maintaining a justice system.
- 9. Use concise collocation Original: stricter sets of laws Suggested revision: stricter laws Why it matters: 'Stricter laws' expresses the idea directly without the unnecessary word 'sets'.
- 10. Use active verb Original: should be corresponding to Suggested revision: should correspond to Why it matters: The modal 'should' is followed by the base verb 'correspond'.
- 11. Fix conjunction punctuation Original: abandoned; but Suggested revision: abandoned, but Why it matters: A comma, rather than a semicolon, should precede the coordinating conjunction 'but'.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: mission Suggested revision: task Why it matters: 'Task' is the natural noun for a difficult objective such as reducing crime.
Suggested Rewrites
- popularity prevalence
- such the
- law violation lawbreaking
- receive good education receive a good education
- are lack of lack
- orientation guidance
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both views directly, sustains a clear opinion, and develops its reasoning through relevant explanations and concrete policy measures. The main weakness is linguistic precision: several ambitious phrases are awkward or grammatically inaccurate even though meaning remains clear. The highest-priority improvement is to replace unnatural collocations and constructions with simpler, idiomatic alternatives while preserving the essay's strong argument structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's position are fully addressed through well-developed, relevant reasoning and proposed measures.
Refine the support for the deterrence argument by acknowledging its assumptions or adding more concrete justification.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader smoothly.
Reduce reliance on overt sequencing labels and tighten a few long sentences to make transitions even more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and topic-specific, although several collocations and formulations are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace awkward phrases such as maintaining criminal justice or clean money with more idiomatic, exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a broad range of complex structures with generally clear control, despite several noticeable construction and article errors.
Review complementation and article use in phrases such as are lacking in skills and capital punishment.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.