Some people think that the government should ensure the healthy lifestyle of people. However, others argue that it should be decided by individuals and it is their responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
While some argue that the government should play a significant role in promoting and safeguarding public health, others contend that individuals should have the freedom to make their own choices regarding their lifestyle. This essay will explore both perspectives, arguing in favour of the view that it is a personal choice and responsibility.
Those who advocate for the government's involvement in ensuring a healthy lifestyle argue that it is a matter of public welfare. They believe that the government has a duty to protect the health of its citizens by implementing policies and regulations that promote healthy practices. For instance, the government can enforce regulations on food labelling and advertising, impose taxes on unhealthy products, and provide subsidies for nutritious foods. By taking such measures, the government can create an environment that supports healthy choices and reduces the prevalence of unhealthy behaviours.
On the other hand, proponents of individual responsibility argue that personal choices and self-determination should dictate one's lifestyle. They believe that individuals should have the freedom to make choices regarding their health, as it is a matter of personal autonomy. They argue that individuals are better equipped to understand their own needs, preferences, and circumstances, and should be responsible for managing their own health. By promoting personal responsibility, individuals can be motivated to educate themselves, adopt healthier habits, and make informed decisions about their well-being.
In my opinion, it is ultimately the responsibility of individuals to prioritize and maintain a healthy lifestyle. While the government can provide support and resources through education, public campaigns, and access to healthcare services, it is important to preserve individual freedom and autonomy. Individuals should be empowered to make choices based on their unique circumstances, cultural backgrounds, and personal preferences.
To conclude, while some argue that the government should play a more active role in ensuring a healthy lifestyle for its citizens, I believe that personal choice and individual responsibility should take precedence. By allowing individuals to make their own decisions regarding their health and well-being, we promote personal freedom, autonomy, and accountability.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: lifestyle Suggested revision: lifestyles Why it matters: The plural noun better matches the reference to multiple individuals and their separate ways of living.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: the government's involvement in ensuring a healthy lifestyle Suggested revision: government involvement in promoting healthy lifestyles Why it matters: Promoting accurately reflects the policy measures described, while ensuring overstates governmental control.
- 3. Improve verb collocation Original: on Suggested revision: governing Why it matters: Regulations governing an activity is a more natural and precise legal collocation.
- 4. Soften verb choice Original: dictate Suggested revision: shape Why it matters: Shape expresses influence by personal choice without the overly forceful implication of dictate.
- 5. Reduce repeated reporting Original: argue Suggested revision: add Why it matters: This cohesive verb avoids repeating argue while showing that the next sentence extends the same case.
- 6. Remove unnecessary comma Original: circumstances, and should be responsible Suggested revision: circumstances and should be responsible Why it matters: The coordinated predicates share the same subject, so no comma is needed before and.
- 7. Improve list parallelism Original: support and resources through education, public campaigns, and access to healthcare services Suggested revision: support through education and public campaigns, as well as access to healthcare services Why it matters: The revision separates methods of support from access to a service and creates a parallel structure.
- 8. Remove semantic overlap Original: individual freedom and autonomy Suggested revision: individual autonomy Why it matters: Freedom and autonomy substantially overlap here, so one precise term is more concise.
- 9. Clarify reference Original: we promote personal freedom Suggested revision: this approach promotes personal freedom Why it matters: This approach clearly refers back to allowing individual decisions, whereas we introduces an undefined agent.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay will explore both perspectives, arguing in favour of the view that it is a personal choice and responsibility. Suggested revision: Both perspectives merit consideration, although maintaining a healthy lifestyle is ultimately a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Why it matters: The rewrite removes vague meta-discourse and gives it a clear referent without changing the stated view.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: By promoting personal responsibility, individuals can be motivated to educate themselves, adopt healthier habits, and make informed decisions about their well-being. Suggested revision: Emphasising personal responsibility can motivate individuals to educate themselves, adopt healthier habits, and make informed decisions about their well-being. Why it matters: The original opening modifier incorrectly implies that individuals are the ones already promoting personal responsibility.
Suggested Rewrites
- lifestyle lifestyles
- the government's involvement in ensuring a healthy lifestyle government involvement in promoting healthy lifestyles
- on governing
- dictate shape
- argue add
- circumstances, and should be responsible circumstances and should be responsible
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both views, maintains a clear opinion, and develops each side through relevant explanations and examples in a well-controlled structure. Its main limitation is some repetition of closely related ideas about freedom, autonomy, and responsibility, which makes the argument less incisive than it could be. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the evaluation of how government support and personal agency interact, while varying repeated vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are fully addressed, the writer's position is explicit throughout, and the main ideas are well supported with relevant policy and personal-responsibility reasoning.
Develop a more critical comparison of the two positions by explaining where government intervention should end and individual responsibility should begin.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into focused paragraphs, with clear progression and well-managed connections between contrasting perspectives.
Reduce repetitive restatement of the position in the final two paragraphs so that the conclusion adds sharper synthesis.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, accurate, and appropriately academic, although key terms concerning choice, freedom, and responsibility recur frequently.
Vary repeated conceptual language and use more precise terms to distinguish personal agency, public policy, and shared responsibility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used flexibly and accurately, with errors extremely rare and communication consistently clear.
Maintain this high level of control while experimenting with slightly more concise sentence patterns to sharpen emphasis.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the government should ensure the healthy lifestyle of people. However, others argue that it should be decided by individuals and it is their responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.