People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?
Sample Response
In recent years, there have been a number of everyday problems that people in big cities have to cope with. This essay will discuss two major problems, pollution and information overload, which I believe should lead governments to encourage people to move to regional areas.
These days, increased levels of pollution have been a great cause for concern among residents of big cities. Due to high volumes of traffic, large quantities of pollutants are being released into the atmosphere, causing the degradation of air quality, which is said to be a significant contributor to various types of respiratory disease, such as lung cancer. Additionally, people in big cities are being bombarded with too much information from the media, including TV, social media, and advertising, with a large proportion of this information being fake or exaggerated. This can lead to confusion or, in some cases, social anarchy.
In my opinion, governments should do what they can to encourage city residents to move to regional areas. Firstly, it will reduce the number of vehicles in cities, which will definitely reduce the levels of air pollution, which is hazardous to the health of citizens. Furthermore, fewer people living in big cities will relieve the pressure on the housing supply, where many people are forced to live in small, uncomfortable spaces. Studies have shown that people’s living spaces have a direct impact on their mental health and how they perform at work.
In conclusion, severe air pollution and a bombardment of information are among the most serious problems facing city residents nowadays, and personally, I feel that authorities should encourage people to relocate to other areas to live.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct verb Original: have to cope with Suggested revision: face Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 2. Clarify the relationship Original: should lead governments to encourage Suggested revision: should justify governments encouraging Why it matters: This wording makes the link between the problems and the proposed policy more precise.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: a great cause for concern Suggested revision: a major concern Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise academic collocation.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: causing the degradation of air quality Suggested revision: degrading air quality Why it matters: The verb form avoids an unnecessarily heavy noun phrase.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: disease Suggested revision: diseases Why it matters: The countable noun should be plural after “various types of.”
- 6. Simplify clause structure Original: with a large proportion of this information being Suggested revision: and much of this information is Why it matters: A finite clause makes the relationship clearer and less cumbersome.
- 7. Choose a precise term Original: anarchy Suggested revision: disorder Why it matters: “Social disorder” more naturally describes the stated consequence of widespread confusion.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: do what they can to encourage Suggested revision: take steps to encourage Why it matters: This phrase states the proposed government action more formally and precisely.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Firstly, it will reduce the number of vehicles in cities, which will definitely reduce the levels of air pollution, which is hazardous to the health of citizens. Suggested revision: First, this would reduce the number of vehicles in cities and consequently lower air pollution, which is hazardous to citizens’ health. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the repeated relative clause and shows the causal sequence more smoothly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Furthermore, fewer people living in big cities will relieve the pressure on the housing supply, where many people are forced to live in small, uncomfortable spaces. Suggested revision: Furthermore, fewer people living in big cities would ease pressure on housing, as many residents are currently forced to live in small, uncomfortable spaces. Why it matters: The original relative clause incorrectly uses “where” to refer to the housing supply.
Suggested Rewrites
- have to cope with face
- should lead governments to encourage should justify governments encouraging
- a great cause for concern a major concern
- causing the degradation of air quality degrading air quality
- disease diseases
- with a large proportion of this information being and much of this information is
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position, addresses both questions, and develops its main points in a logical four-paragraph structure, with particularly effective vocabulary for pollution and housing. Its main limitation is that information overload is less convincingly connected to relocation, while a few claims and long relative-clause chains reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop each stated problem through a clearer cause-and-effect link to the proposed policy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear position and relevant explanation, although the case for information overload and relocation is not fully connected.
Explain explicitly how moving to regional towns would address each identified urban problem and support the less convincing claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-defined paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader smoothly despite some repetitive clause linking.
Vary sentence connections and divide long chains of relative clauses to make relationships between ideas more immediate.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary conveys urban problems effectively, with only occasional overstatement or awkward selection such as social anarchy.
Choose more measured, context-specific terms for consequences and avoid claims whose wording is stronger than the explanation supports.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used flexibly and accurately across the response, with only minor slips and occasional overloaded sentences.
Refine long sentences by reducing repeated relative clauses and checking small number and agreement details.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.