Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Companies tend to hire people for the completion of tasks of various natures. Some tasks demand only short-time commitment and others continues in a long run. Some people argue that people will work with lofty ambitions, high dedication and a great commitment if they are hired for their lifetime. However, others claim that it is unfair for those people who are studying in different educational institutions and hoping a bright future ahead, I believe that a job for the entire life is not a pragmatic approach and creates many problems in a society. It is often seen that businesses thrive by applying innovative ideas and modern technologies. These are two areas where students have been taught in deeply to cope up with challenges in their future. Therefore, it is mandatory for businesses to take fresh graduates and discard people in a company who lack behind in skills and knowledge. Furthermore, the unemployment rate will dramatically increase in the absence of jobs in the market. Because all jobs are occupied for lives and there are less likely to have chances of vacant places. However, there is no doubt that people performances are extraordinary if they have confined feeling of job security. They would like to work hard to achieve maximum benefits for a company. Thus, their efforts will reflect in increased productivity and profit margin of the business. To sum up, I would like to say that hiring employees for the lifetime is not a practical strategy in a business. Companies use people for the sake of their own benefits and reward them until there is a need for that skill in the company. Moreover, unemployment, frustration and tension are few factors which could greatly influence youngsters if businesses adopt this policy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use clearer wording Original: natures Suggested revision: kinds Why it matters: “Kinds” is a more natural way to classify different tasks.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: continues Suggested revision: continue Why it matters: The plural subject “others” requires “continue.”
- 3. Fix fixed phrase Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The established expression is “in the long run.”
- 4. Use precise motivation Original: lofty ambitions Suggested revision: strong motivation Why it matters: “Strong motivation” more directly describes willingness to work hard.
- 5. Use concise duration Original: for their lifetime Suggested revision: for life Why it matters: “For life” is the idiomatic phrase for permanent employment.
- 6. Fix phrase form Original: deeply Suggested revision: depth Why it matters: The noun phrase “in depth” is required after “taught.”
- 7. Fix verb phrase Original: cope up with Suggested revision: cope with Why it matters: The standard verb phrase is “cope with.”
- 8. Use employment verb Original: take Suggested revision: hire Why it matters: “Hire” precisely expresses taking people into employment.
- 9. Use appropriate wording Original: discard people in a company Suggested revision: dismiss employees Why it matters: “Dismiss employees” is the appropriate phrase for ending employment.
- 10. Fix verb phrase Original: lack Suggested revision: lag Why it matters: “Lag behind” means to fall behind others in ability or progress.
- 11. Fix duration phrase Original: lives Suggested revision: life Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the singular uncountable form “life.”
- 12. Fix clause structure Original: there are less likely to have chances Suggested revision: there are fewer chances Why it matters: The revised structure correctly quantifies the plural count noun “chances.”
Suggested Rewrites
- natures kinds
- continues continue
- a the
- lofty ambitions strong motivation
- for their lifetime for life
- deeply depth
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with relevant points about innovation, unemployment, and job security, while showing a reasonably broad vocabulary. Its effectiveness is reduced by presenting the entire argument as one paragraph, by some overgeneralised claims, and by frequent awkward or inaccurate language. Prioritise dividing the argument into purposeful paragraphs and explaining each main claim more precisely with controlled complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant arguments are developed, though some claims about replacing workers and unemployment are overgeneralised or insufficiently justified.
Support each central claim with a more measured explanation of how lifetime employment would produce the stated consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence and uses cohesive markers, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens organisation and some links are mechanical.
Separate the introduction, opposing considerations, main reasons, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one controlling idea each.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably wide range of topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and word-form choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations with natural academic phrasing, especially when discussing skills, job security, vacancies, and long-term employment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is an attempt to use varied complex structures, but frequent agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors limit control.
Edit complex sentences for complete clause boundaries and accurate agreement before adding further grammatical variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.