Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Sample Response
Nature versus nurture debate has been around for ages and has been supported well by both sides. Nature, referring to heredity, and the nurture, referring to the environment, are two very reasonable explanations to why we are the people we are today. It would be worthwhile to look at both sides of the issue before forming an opinion.
Nature is believed to be what determines our personalities, looks, and other things because it’s all genetically passed down. It has been concluded that a newborn doesn’t have a blank slate of personality, but does have a set of inherited traits. Identical twins reared apart are far more similar in personality than randomly selected pairs of people. Likewise, identical twins are more similar than fraternal twins. Also, biological siblings are more similar in personality than adopted siblings. Each observation suggests that personality is heritable to a certain extent.
The other side of the debate says that nurture is the cause to our behavior as well as characteristics. Even though genes are what give us that certain spunk to our personality, the environment has the power to alter it and make us into the exact opposite. Even the way that certain children are brought up can change how they turn out. If environment didn’t play a part in determining an individual’s traits and behaviors, then identical twins should, theoretically, be exactly the same in all respects, even if reared apart. But a number of studies show that they are never exactly alike, even though they are remarkably similar in most respects.
The more we delve into the topic, the more the evidence reveals that the answer is “BOTH”. Genes are the foundation of who we are, but the nurture we receive in our lives is what we finally turn out to be. Even the best of inborn talents can go unrecognized if not given proper training and education. But it would seem that “Nurture complements Nature and that Nature’s gift of rich human potential is realized through socialization and education.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that although both nature and nurture play a role in human personality and development, the influence of our upbringing and life experiences gets an edge over the genetic influences.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify who supports it Original: supported well by both sides Suggested revision: well supported by advocates on both sides Why it matters: The replacement makes the human source of the support explicit.
- 2. Remove article Original: and the nurture, referring Suggested revision: and nurture, referring Why it matters: Nurture is an abstract concept here and does not take the definite article.
- 3. Fix preposition Original: to Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Explanation takes of before an embedded why-clause.
- 4. Clarify pronoun reference Original: it’s all genetically passed down Suggested revision: these traits are passed down genetically Why it matters: The plural noun phrase gives the clause a clear referent and correct agreement.
- 5. Fix expression Original: blank slate of personality Suggested revision: blank slate in terms of personality Why it matters: The original preposition does not express the intended area of comparison naturally.
- 6. Remove unnecessary emphasis Original: but does have Suggested revision: but has Why it matters: The auxiliary adds unnecessary emphasis in this straightforward contrast.
- 7. Fix noun pattern Original: to Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun cause takes of when naming the resulting behavior.
- 8. Restore parallel structure Original: as well as characteristics Suggested revision: and our characteristics Why it matters: The replacement coordinates two noun phrases with matching possessive structure.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: that certain spunk to our personality Suggested revision: our distinctive personality traits Why it matters: The original wording is colloquial and imprecise for an academic essay.
- 10. Reduce unclear exaggeration Original: make us into the exact opposite Suggested revision: make our personalities markedly different Why it matters: The revision states the intended contrast more clearly without the vague opposite.
- 11. Simplify noun phrase Original: Even the way that certain children Suggested revision: The way children Why it matters: Even and certain are unnecessary and make the general statement less direct.
- 12. Add definite article Original: If environment Suggested revision: If the environment Why it matters: The singular countable concept needs the definite article in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- supported well by both sides well supported by advocates on both sides
- and the nurture, referring and nurture, referring
- to of
- it’s all genetically passed down these traits are passed down genetically
- blank slate of personality blank slate in terms of personality
- but does have but has
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its detailed comparison of inherited traits and environmental influence, with a clear final preference and relevant twin-based support. Its main limitation is that the position emerges late and the discussion sometimes relies on informal or awkward phrasing, so the highest priority is to state the comparative judgement earlier and consistently connect each paragraph’s evidence to why nurture is ultimately more influential.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explores both influences in detail and ultimately answers the question, though its preference for nurture is not clearly established until late.
State the preferred major influence in the introduction and evaluate each body paragraph explicitly against that judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in distinct paragraphs and supporting evidence is easy to follow, although the shift from both influences to the final preference could be sharper.
Use the synthesis paragraph to compare the relative weight of the two influences directly before presenting the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, but several informal, imprecise, or unnatural expressions weaken its academic tone.
Replace phrases such as certain spunk, pen down saying, and gets an edge with precise academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and usually accurate, while occasional article, preposition, and quotation-mark errors remain noticeable but non-impeding.
Proofread articles and prepositions in fixed patterns, and ensure every quotation is grammatically and mechanically complete.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.