In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
[It has more disadvantages]
In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. While there are certainly some advantages to this development, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh them.
One advantage of paying with mobile phone apps is convenience. It eliminates the need to carry cash or cards, which can be lost or stolen. Mobile payment apps can offer a faster and easier checkout experience as well. For example, by scanning a QR code or tapping an NFC-enabled terminal, the payment can be made quickly.
However, the disadvantages are more significant. Firstly, security is a major concern. While mobile payment apps have security features in place, such as encryption and two-factor authentication, they are not foolproof. Hackers can still find ways to exploit vulnerabilities and steal personal and financial information. Moreover, not everyone has access to mobile payment technology, particularly in developing countries or among older generations. This creates an inequitable situation where those without mobile payment capabilities are unable to participate fully in the economy. For example, in many rural areas of developing countries, people still rely on cash for transactions because they may not have access to smartphones or the internet. Older generations, unfamiliar with mobile payment systems, might also struggle to use such technology, limiting their ability to make purchases online or in places that only accept mobile payments. This digital divide can exclude certain groups from the benefits of modern economic activities.
In conclusion, while there are some advantages to paying with mobile phone apps, such as convenience and ease of use, the disadvantages, such as security concerns, lack of accessibility for some populations, and the possibility of system failures, are too significant to ignore. Therefore, I believe that this development has more disadvantages than advantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the planning note Original: [It has more disadvantages] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed note is a planning label rather than part of the academic response.
- 2. Use a specific reference Original: some advantages to this development Suggested revision: some advantages to this payment method Why it matters: The revised phrase names the mobile-payment method rather than using the broad “development.”
- 3. Clarify the pronoun Original: the disadvantages outweigh them Suggested revision: the disadvantages outweigh these benefits Why it matters: The noun “benefits” clearly identifies what the disadvantages outweigh.
- 4. Use parallel concise adjectives Original: a faster and easier checkout experience Suggested revision: a faster, easier checkout experience Why it matters: The coordinate adjectives can be presented directly without the unnecessary conjunction.
- 5. Use a concise sequencer Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: “First” is the concise transition when introducing a short sequence of drawbacks.
- 6. Remove needless wording Original: security features in place Suggested revision: security features Why it matters: “In place” adds no useful meaning because the apps already possess the features.
- 7. Keep the groups parallel Original: particularly in developing countries or among older generations Suggested revision: particularly among people in developing countries and older adults Why it matters: The revision coordinates two groups of people rather than a location and a generation.
- 8. Use the formal relative Original: an inequitable situation where Suggested revision: an inequitable situation in which Why it matters: “In which” is the appropriate relative phrase for an abstract situation.
- 9. Refer to people directly Original: Older generations, unfamiliar with Suggested revision: Older people who are unfamiliar with Why it matters: The revision refers directly to individuals and integrates the modifier into the clause.
- 10. Use precise terminology Original: modern economic activities Suggested revision: the modern economy Why it matters: The concise phrase accurately describes participation in contemporary economic life.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, by scanning a QR code or tapping an NFC-enabled terminal, the payment can be made quickly. Suggested revision: For example, users can make a payment quickly by scanning a QR code or tapping an NFC-enabled terminal. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the introductory actions a clear human subject and removes the dangling modifier.
- 12. Separate the disadvantages Suggested revision: Group the security risk first, then begin a distinct section for access barriers affecting rural users and older people. Why it matters: The long paragraph moves from cybersecurity to digital exclusion without a clear structural break.
Suggested Rewrites
- [It has more disadvantages] Delete
- some advantages to this development some advantages to this payment method
- the disadvantages outweigh them the disadvantages outweigh these benefits
- a faster and easier checkout experience a faster, easier checkout experience
- Firstly First
- security features in place security features
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers the comparison directly, maintains a clear position, and develops the principal disadvantages with relevant explanations and concrete examples. Its main limitation is that the convenience argument is briefer and the conclusion adds system failures without prior development. Deepen the comparison by weighing the strongest benefit against the security and accessibility concerns, and ensure every concluding point has been established in the body.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a consistent judgement and well-developed discussion of convenience, security, and accessibility.
Develop the strongest advantage a little further and avoid introducing system failures only in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphized, and smoothly connected from the stated position through evidence to the conclusion.
Consider separating the two main disadvantages into distinct paragraphs to make their relative importance even clearer.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly to discuss payment technology, security, access, and economic exclusion.
Vary a few repeated references to mobile payment while preserving the response's strong technical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is controlled with high accuracy and consistently clear punctuation.
Continue refining sentence rhythm and reference clarity to approach fully effortless grammatical control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.