In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
[It has more advantages]
In recent years, paying for goods and services through mobile phone apps has become a widespread phenomenon in many countries. While there are some disadvantages associated with this development, I believe that the advantages outweigh them.
One possible disadvantage of paying using mobile phones is the potential risk of fraud and cybercrime. Hackers and cybercriminals can steal personal information and access people's accounts, leading to financial losses and other serious consequences. For example, a person using a mobile payment app might receive a phishing email that looks like it’s from the app provider, prompting them to click on a link and enter their login details. If they fall for this scam, hackers could gain access to their account and make unauthorized transactions, leading to financial loss and potential identity theft.
On the contrary, the key benefit of using mobile phone apps for payment is convenience and swiftness. With this method, customers no longer have to carry cash or cards with them, which eliminates the risk of losing them. The process of paying using a mobile phone is very fast and can be done from anywhere. This can save people a lot of time and hassle, especially in busy cities where carrying a lot of cash or credit cards can be inconvenient or risky. For example, when travelling on public transport in a busy city, a person can simply use their phone to scan a QR code and pay for their fare instantly, without needing to fumble through their wallet for cash or cards. This quick and hassle-free transaction not only saves time but also reduces the chances of losing cash or cards while navigating crowded areas.
In conclusion, the advantages of using mobile phone apps for payments far outweigh the disadvantages. This method of payment is convenient, secure, and provides benefits for people. As technology continues to advance, it is likely that mobile phone payments will become even more popular in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning note Original: [It has more advantages] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed note is planning text rather than part of the finished essay.
- 2. Use correct payment phrase Original: using Suggested revision: with Why it matters: 'Paying with' correctly identifies the instrument used for payment.
- 3. Remove redundant modifier Original: potential risk Suggested revision: risk Why it matters: A risk already expresses a potential negative outcome.
- 4. Use formal source phrase Original: looks like it’s from Suggested revision: appears to come from Why it matters: The revision is more formal and precise.
- 5. Avoid repeated causal phrase Original: leading to financial loss and potential identity theft Suggested revision: causing financial loss and identity theft Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating 'leading to' and removes an unnecessary hedge.
- 6. Use contrast transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The paragraph contrasts a benefit with a disadvantage rather than directly contradicting a claim.
- 7. Use natural benefit pair Original: swiftness Suggested revision: speed Why it matters: 'Speed' is the natural noun for the quickness of a payment process.
- 8. Avoid absolute claim Original: eliminates Suggested revision: reduces Why it matters: Not carrying cash or cards reduces rather than completely eliminates the possibility of loss.
- 9. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: pay for their fare Suggested revision: pay their fare Why it matters: 'Pay a fare' takes the payment noun directly without 'for'.
- 10. Use concise risk phrase Original: chances Suggested revision: risk Why it matters: 'Risk of losing' is the concise formal collocation.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This method of payment is convenient, secure, and provides benefits for people. Suggested revision: This payment method is convenient and secure and offers users practical benefits. Why it matters: The rewrite restores parallel grammar and replaces a vague phrase.
- 12. Tighten repeated convenience points Suggested revision: Condense the repeated statements about speed and saved time so the public-transport example follows the main convenience claim more directly. Why it matters: Several adjacent sentences repeat the same benefit before and after the example.
Suggested Rewrites
- [It has more advantages] Delete
- using with
- potential risk risk
- looks like it’s from appears to come from
- leading to financial loss and potential identity theft causing financial loss and identity theft
- On the contrary By contrast
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent judgement, supported by detailed and relevant examples of both cyber risk and payment convenience. Its main limitation is slight imbalance and repetition: the convenience example is extended at length, while the conclusion calls mobile payments secure without reconciling that claim with the fraud discussion. Prioritise a sharper comparative explanation of why the benefits outweigh the identified risk.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, maintains a clear position, and develops both the principal disadvantage and advantage with specific examples.
Make the weighing explicit by explaining why convenience and reduced reliance on cash are more significant than the cybersecurity risk.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised, and ideas progress clearly within and between paragraphs with effective referencing and linking.
Condense the extended transport example slightly and connect the final security claim back to the earlier fraud discussion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise across payments, cybersecurity, fraud, and convenience, with occasional repetition or less natural choices.
Vary repeated terms such as “cash or cards” and replace general phrases such as “provides benefits for people” with more exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor lapses that do not affect communication.
Maintain the strong control while tightening long explanatory sentences so their main clauses remain immediately clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.