Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
[Argument: disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages]
The debate surrounding peer pressure often hinges on whether its advantages outweigh its disadvantages or if it is the opposite. While peer pressure can sometimes encourage positive behaviours and foster social connections, I believe its drawbacks are significant and can have long-lasting consequences.
On the one hand, proponents of peer pressure argue that it can motivate individuals to adopt healthy habits, such as regular exercise, academic diligence, and community involvement. Positive peer pressure can serve as a source of encouragement, support, and accountability, leading to personal growth and self-improvement. For example, a teenager may be more likely to participate in volunteer work if their friends are also involved, leading to a greater sense of civic responsibility and altruism.
However, the disadvantages of peer pressure often outweigh these benefits. Negative peer pressure can lead individuals to engage in risky behaviours, such as substance abuse, reckless driving, and delinquent activities, in order to fit in or gain acceptance from their peers. The desire to conform to social norms and avoid rejection can override rational decision-making and moral judgment, leading to harmful consequences for both individuals and society. For instance, adolescents may experiment with drugs or alcohol due to peer pressure, resulting in addiction, legal troubles, and impaired cognitive function. Moreover, peer pressure can contribute to the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes, discrimination, and bullying within peer groups. Individuals who deviate from social norms or express dissenting opinions may face ostracism, ridicule, or even physical violence from their peers, leading to feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and mental health issues.
In conclusion, while peer pressure can sometimes promote positive behaviours and social connections, its disadvantages far outweigh any potential benefits. The potential for harmful behaviours, the stifling of individuality, and the negative impact on mental well-being make peer pressure a largely detrimental force, especially for younger individuals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Delete planning note Original: [Argument: disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This bracketed planning label is not part of the essay and should be removed from the submitted response.
- 2. Use concise alternative Original: or if it is the opposite Suggested revision: or vice versa Why it matters: “Vice versa” expresses the reversed comparison more concisely and naturally.
- 3. Clarify study habit Original: academic diligence Suggested revision: diligence in their studies Why it matters: The revised phrase makes the academic behaviour more concrete and natural.
- 4. Improve semantic parallelism Original: a source of encouragement, support, and accountability Suggested revision: a source of encouragement and support that also promotes accountability Why it matters: The revision separates emotional support from the distinct function of promoting accountability.
- 5. Tighten result phrase Original: leading to a greater sense of civic responsibility and altruism Suggested revision: fostering greater civic responsibility and altruism Why it matters: The participle “fostering” states the claimed result more directly and avoids the vague phrase “a sense of”.
- 6. Remove wordiness Original: in order to fit in Suggested revision: to fit in Why it matters: The shorter infinitive conveys the same purpose without unnecessary wording.
- 7. Use formal legal term Original: legal troubles Suggested revision: legal problems Why it matters: “Legal problems” is more neutral and appropriate for formal academic writing.
- 8. Improve list parallelism Original: the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes, discrimination, and bullying Suggested revision: the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes and discriminatory or bullying behaviour Why it matters: The revision makes the coordinated items grammatically and semantically parallel.
- 9. Fix category mismatch Original: feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and mental health issues Suggested revision: isolation, low self-esteem, and other mental health problems Why it matters: The revision avoids placing conditions such as low self-esteem and mental health problems under “feelings of”.
- 10. Use natural age term Original: younger individuals Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: “Young people” is the more direct and natural term in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- [Argument: disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages] Delete
- or if it is the opposite or vice versa
- academic diligence diligence in their studies
- a source of encouragement, support, and accountability a source of encouragement and support that also promotes accountability
- leading to a greater sense of civic responsibility and altruism fostering greater civic responsibility and altruism
- in order to fit in to fit in
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response gives a clear, sustained judgement and develops both the motivational benefits and the more serious risks of peer pressure through specific, well-integrated examples. Its strongest feature is the depth of the negative case, connecting conformity to risky behaviour, bullying, exclusion, and mental health. The only notable refinement is to remove the bracketed planning note and make the comparative weighting explicit within the body, not mainly in transitional claims and the conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both sides are fully relevant and well developed, with a consistent outweighing judgement supported by detailed consequences and examples.
State explicitly why the severity and duration of the negative outcomes outweigh the positive gains in motivation and belonging.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced and smoothly cohesive, though the isolated bracketed planning note before the introduction slightly disrupts presentation.
Remove the planning note and use a brief comparative sentence between the body paragraphs to sharpen the weighing process.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is extensive, precise, and natural across motivation, conformity, risky behaviour, discrimination, and psychological harm.
Maintain this precision while avoiding slight repetition of peer pressure and harmful consequences through controlled referencing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sophisticated structures is used accurately and flexibly, with virtually no grammatical errors.
Preserve this control while ensuring all editorial notes are removed from the finished response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.