When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement?
Sample Response
The multi-dimensional advancement in technology is a continuous process and it changes the way people live in the society. The development of the technologies improves the quality of life and efficiency of work environments. However, the concern by some, that these technologies replace traditional culture and skills does not hold good. The base for my views is social, professional and economical. From the social perspective, the societies are continuously improving and aligning to the needs of the new generations. As a nation advances with newer innovations in technologies, its social life also improves. Although the traditional culture and skills are important to the previous generations, it becomes obsolete when a better skill is available. For instance, the telegraph is replaced by fax because it is faster. Similarly, people are moving away from traditional postal service to use instant email service. This shows the shift in society towards advanced lifestyle. From a professional perspective, technologies are replacing the way people work in everyday life. The state of the art technical devices help the business and work environments to carry their work more efficiently. For example, computers are used for accounting can do the job much faster than manual accounting. From an economic point of view, the technologies improve the business processes and reduce the cost of manufacturing, thus saving a great amount of money for the companies. Similarly, these technologies also reduce the cost of living for individuals compared to the traditional approach. For instance, people using teleconference or video-conference to conduct a meeting is much cheaper than the traditional way of meeting in a physical room. In conclusion, the tradition is what we live today. Yesterday's tradition will be replaced by today's lifestyle, and so today's tradition will be replaced by tomorrow's skills. We must adopt the new skills and technologies and archive the old ones as our valuable history. That's the way the society evolves!
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: in the society Suggested revision: in society Why it matters: Society is used without an article when referring to society in general.
- 2. Use natural agreement Original: The development of the technologies improves Suggested revision: The development of technology improves Why it matters: Technology is the natural uncountable noun when referring to the field generally.
- 3. Fix phrase and comma Original: the concern by some, that Suggested revision: the concern held by some that Why it matters: The revision uses a natural passive phrase and removes the comma separating the complement.
- 4. Use clear academic wording Original: does not hold good Suggested revision: is unconvincing Why it matters: The replacement states the evaluation directly in a more widely natural academic expression.
- 5. Correct the noun choice Original: The base for my views Suggested revision: The basis for my view Why it matters: Basis is the correct noun for the foundation of an opinion.
- 6. Use the correct adjective Original: economical Suggested revision: economic Why it matters: Economic relates to the economy, whereas economical means inexpensive.
- 7. Generalize without article Original: the societies are continuously improving Suggested revision: societies are continuously improving Why it matters: The plural noun is used generically here and does not need the definite article.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: aligning Suggested revision: adapting Why it matters: Adapt to is the natural verb-preposition combination for responding to changing needs.
- 9. Remove redundant wording Original: newer innovations in technologies Suggested revision: new technological innovations Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward plural technologies and expresses the idea concisely.
- 10. Fix pronoun agreement Original: it becomes obsolete Suggested revision: they become obsolete Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural subject culture and skills.
- 11. Use appropriate tense Original: the telegraph is replaced by fax Suggested revision: the telegraph has been replaced by fax Why it matters: The present perfect better describes a replacement completed with a present result.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: to use instant email service Suggested revision: to use instant email Why it matters: Email already names the service, so the additional noun is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the society in society
- The development of the technologies improves The development of technology improves
- the concern by some, that the concern held by some that
- does not hold good is unconvincing
- The base for my views The basis for my view
- economical economic
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a broad, logically ordered case for technological change and supports it with relevant social, professional, and economic examples. Its main limitation is that the position is initially contradictory and the discussion focuses more on technology's benefits than on whether preserving traditions is pointless. The highest priority is to frame a consistent answer to that exact claim and organise the argument into distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops relevant benefits of technological progress, but its initial stance conflicts with the later argument and the preservation question is addressed indirectly.
State clearly whether traditional practices should be preserved, then evaluate that position throughout instead of mainly listing technological advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The social, professional, and economic sequence is easy to follow, but presenting the entire response as one block weakens paragraphing and emphasis.
Separate the introduction, each major perspective, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately academic, although awkward collocations and imprecise word forms occur with noticeable frequency.
Use more natural expressions for social change, workplace efficiency, preservation, and economic comparison, and check adjective forms such as economic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of complex sentences, but recurring article, agreement, and clause-structure errors reduce grammatical control.
Revise sentences containing embedded examples and comparisons so that each clause has a clear subject, finite verb, and correctly matched number.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.