Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. So companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Women's contribution to building a nation is equally important to that of men, and given the chance, women can be equally adept to take responsibilities in higher management positions in a company. Gender equality is no longer a concept, but a proven way to accelerate progress. I, therefore, strongly believe that a portion of higher positions in companies and organisations should be reserved for females. To begin with, half of the world population is women and their empowerment determines the overall progress of nations and the global economy. If these women are kept away from decision-making positions, true empowerment of nations would become impossible. To cite an example, when half of the decision-makers in a large company are females, they can bring diverse perspectives and innovation to the company. Some of the Asian countries including Bangladesh and India have incorporated reserved seats in parliaments for women, and these female leaders have done a great deal to encourage women to actively contribute to the country's politics and business sectors. Furthermore, women in higher positions, in the police force, for example, can better understand the crimes and injustice against women and can propose better solutions to these issues. Similarly, almost every large company has a great portion of female consumers and having some female key employees would only ensure more favourable product research, planning and productions that would better serve females and ensure more loyal female customers. To conclude, allocating a certain portion of higher positions for women is not a courtesy to the women. Rather it ensures a balanced working environment, innovation, happy female customers and women empowerment which are the key ingredients to sustainable progress and better business development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the adjective pattern Original: adept to take responsibilities Suggested revision: adept at taking responsibility Why it matters: Adept takes at followed by a gerund, and responsibility is normally uncountable here.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: higher Suggested revision: senior Why it matters: Senior management positions is the more natural expression for high-level company roles.
- 3. Refine the phrase Original: a portion of higher positions in companies Suggested revision: a proportion of senior positions in companies Why it matters: Proportion is more precise for a specified percentage, while senior positions is more idiomatic.
- 4. Add possessive form Original: world Suggested revision: world's Why it matters: The possessive form shows that the population belongs to the world.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: Some of the Asian countries Suggested revision: Some Asian countries Why it matters: The definite article is not used when referring generally to an unspecified subset of Asian countries.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: incorporated Suggested revision: introduced Why it matters: Introduced is the natural verb for establishing a reserved-seat policy.
- 7. Use general nouns Original: the crimes and injustice Suggested revision: crime and injustice Why it matters: These nouns are used generally here, so the article and plural form are unnecessary.
- 8. Use proportion correctly Original: a great portion of female consumers Suggested revision: a large proportion of female consumers Why it matters: Large proportion is the standard collocation for a sizeable share of a group.
- 9. Use natural word order Original: some female key employees Suggested revision: some women in key positions Why it matters: The revised phrase states the intended role more naturally and precisely.
- 10. Use uncountable noun Original: productions Suggested revision: production Why it matters: Production is uncountable when it refers generally to the business process.
- 11. Use possessive form Original: women Suggested revision: women's Why it matters: The established expression uses the possessive form women's.
- 12. Prefer people-first wording Original: females Suggested revision: women Why it matters: Women is the more natural noun when referring to adult people.
Suggested Rewrites
- adept to take responsibilities adept at taking responsibility
- higher senior
- a portion of higher positions in companies a proportion of senior positions in companies
- world world's
- Some of the Asian countries Some Asian countries
- incorporated introduced
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with a substantial range of relevant benefits, particularly diverse decision-making, responses to women's concerns, and consumer insight. The main limitation is that some evidence shifts away from company leadership quotas and several claims are asserted rather than fully demonstrated. Strengthen the argument by tying every example directly to mandatory corporate allocation and explaining why a quota is more effective than alternative equality measures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported with several developed benefits, though some public-sector examples are only indirectly relevant to company quotas.
Explain why mandatory corporate quotas specifically are necessary and connect every example directly to that policy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through clear stages, but the single extended body paragraph contains several ideas that deserve separation.
Divide the supporting discussion into focused paragraphs, each built around one central reason and its evidence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective topic language despite occasional awkward collocations and word choices.
Refine combinations such as take responsibility, female empowerment, and product development to make expression more natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, although a few agreement and phrasing errors remain.
Proofread long sentences for subject-verb agreement and parallel noun forms while preserving the current structural range.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. So companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.